


Cat(fish) by the Tail

by 64907



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Humor, Identity Porn, Invasion of Privacy, M/M, Multimedia, Online Dating, Romantic Comedy, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:47:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 39,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24963982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/64907/pseuds/64907
Summary: When Matsumoto Jun finds someone on Tinder catfishing as his beloved idol, he takes it upon himself to expose them for what they truly are.Or the downfall of a man in fifteen parts (and his rise in one).
Relationships: Matsumoto Jun/Sakurai Sho
Comments: 85
Kudos: 171





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Man repeatedly clowns himself: the fic.
> 
> A couple things I have to make clear about this AU (please read; it will tell you what you're about to read in the way the tags didn't):
> 
> \- This story features various social media platforms (from fake Tinder and LINE convos to fake Twitter accounts). It appears longer because of all the spacing and formatting.  
> \- If you're wondering if homophobia is present in this fic, I conceptualized and finished this during Pride month and thus the fucks I give are none. In simpler terms, pretend it doesn't. It exists in the real world and it can stay there; 2020 sucks anyway.  
> \- Please assume that all of the tweets featured in this fic are on Jun's native language, so pretend that the Japanese use memes in the same way as stan Twitter does. That said, please assume that any account that has International on it has tweeted things Jun HASN'T seen. He'll never follow international fans, anyway.  
> \- This story mentions Nino's wife. If that's not your thing, hit that back button.  
> \- 70% of this fic is an exaggeration and is no way representative of how I imagine the real Jun to be. This is your disclaimer. If this fic offends you, close it and live a happier life.  
> \- The remaining 30% is me projecting like the typical fic writer. I cuss irl as much as I breathe and this is a very self-indulgent fic that I wrote for, well, me.  
> \- Many apologies to Mark Twain for using his words like that for a title.
> 
> Many thanks to the friends I bothered on Twitter when I popped up in their DMs just to say "picture this: jun the number one sho fan meets a sho catfish on tinder and decides to end him only it ain't a catfish and he clowns himself??" This story wouldn't exist without said friends patronizing me.
> 
> If you're still here, I hope you enjoy. The story is finished but I will be busier starting July so please bear with the sporadic updates. Editing is hell because of the formatting. As early as now I'm sorry.

**I. The Man**  
  
It’s a slow night like most nights, wherein he has already completed his push up and sit up routines and is now on the treadmill while trying to drown out the loud and unmistakable sounds of his neighbor yelling at his wife again because the guy’s a complete asshole every night. Like most nights, it began with a long day of rehearsals that required more polishing and added to his frustration, and he went home trying to forget all of it. Like most nights, it will probably end with a glass of wine before bed, in the middle of his dark kitchen because he has no one to share the wine with.  
  
Like most nights, Matsumoto Jun is alone.  
  
The screaming from the adjacent unit gets worse and he thinks he hears ceramics shattering and contemplates if he should call the police. Or maybe his incompetent landlady who’ll only snort at the complaint and tell him to mind his own business.  
  
“Married couples fight, Matsumoto-san,” the snarky woman once told him, her cigarette smoke blowing right against his face. “If you were married,” she added before looking at him from head to foot then back up, “you would know.”  
  
Jun shudders at the memory of the encounter. Says the woman who overwatered her succulents because she’s pretentious and wanted to show off a garden, only for said plants to die from the faux care they received from their overbearing owner. Says the woman who was only kind to him because of how he looks but not-so-secretly helps run the rumor mill in the apartment complex on why Matsumoto-san from the fifth floor is still a bachelor at thirty-seven.  
  
“Who’s he waiting for?” Jun once overheard his unpleasant landlady say to her gossiping tenants, “His soulmate? His first love? He doesn’t even go to goukons or omiais; too busy with his flop theater.”  
  
Four things:

  1. Eighty percent of what comes from his landlady’s mouth is a vicious, twisted lie catered to her unhealthful interest in the private lives of her tenants, because she’s despicable like that, sadly,
  2. Jun’s first love was his primary school teacher and she is very much married by the time Jun learned to write his name,
  3. His theater troupe isn’t a flop; that’s slander and if he were richer he will consider suing this woman for good, and finally,
  4. He does go to goukons, thank you very much.



He’s long been the subject of speculations in this apartment because of his looks (he’s aware, of course,) and his supposed status. Jun doesn’t make it known, really, but apparently they do notice. He’s had his fair share of hookups but they’re always done in some cheap love hotel or at the other person’s place instead of his own, because who knows what kind of gossip that will bring the following day (he doesn’t care to find out).  
  
The screaming intensifies and Jun considers sending his neighbor’s wife the number of a divorce attorney from a couple of streets down the neighborhood. He can probably count on one hand the number of nights he’s found peace. The sad thing isn’t really the frequency of his neighbors yelling at one another. He’s long accustomed to them.  
  
It’s the fact that there are nights when his own thoughts are louder than their voices combined.  
  
He’s usually not this bothered about this, really. Being single warrants the unparalleled freedom that he enjoys extensively. For instance, he doesn’t have to tell anyone where he’s going, what he’s doing, and what he's planning to do. Independence is thrilling.  
  
But then Toma, sweet, good, little shit Ikuta Toma, well. He got married.  
  
To an incredibly lovely woman too that Jun’s a bit tempted to ask if she was sure she wanted Jun’s little shit of a friend for a spouse. But that’s on them and that’s that. He’s ecstatic for Toma despite holding a grudge that he was the third to know about the marriage, and a bit dejected at the fact that of the three of them (Shun, Toma, and him), he’s the only remaining bachelor.  
  
Jun is not picky. Well, he likes to think he isn’t. He’s dated a couple of what Shun and Toma called “questionable people” because they’re assholes with no filter, but he thinks that’s not true.  
  
He’s got his three most recent relationships to prove it: he’s dated a high school teacher before and she was great, except she had a past relationship with a student and said student challenged Jun for her a la shoujo manga and Jun immediately backpedaled out of that one right on the spot. He’s not dying because a hormonal teenager had some unfulfilled fantasies over their teacher.  
  
After that one was a bookstore clerk who knew the Dewey Decimal Classification System like the back of his own hand. He had beautiful and talented hands too, but he broke the pot of Jun’s beloved sakura bonsai and told Jun he was making such a big deal out of a “fucking useless plant” that Jun broke it off with him in a fit of pride and fury.  
  
Great hands or not, no one calls Sho-chan a plant. First off, Sho-chan is not just a plant. He is a fifty-year-old sakura bonsai that thrives thanks to Jun’s dedication and love, and he’s worth a hundred million yen. Second, Sho-chan is not useless. He listens to Jun’s complaints and doesn’t judge him for it. In front of that bonsai, Jun is not petty, shallow, repetitive, or boring.  
  
And finally, Sho-chan is named after Jun’s beloved idol, Sakurai Sho, and he will sooner shave off his own trademark eyebrows than hear any form of slander against him.  
  
Which leads to the third most recent relationship Jun’s been in: with a playwright who had a vision and who’s exactly Jun’s type: attentive but not overly intricate, a voracious reader and a genuine fan of the arts. Frankly, he was the one that Jun was a little bit too in love with, and Jun is yet to get over him.  
  
The reason why it ended didn’t involve some high school drama or Sho-chan-related accidents. It ended because of a typical asshole move: class A cheating.  
  
Jun always knew that someone like Hiroshi was too good to be true.  
  
A part of him can accept it. He’s not the only person in the world someone has cheated on—every corner of the planet has a particular jerk and an unfortunate partner. What he can’t make peace with is that Hiroshi brought said partners to Jun’s place while Jun was at work and did whatever nasty thing they wanted to do in Jun’s room right in front of Sakurai Sho’s signed poster. The disrespect was appalling. And heartbreaking. Jun caught them on the act and sent them out of his apartment, even paying for the taxi fare because his loathsome landlady was peeking at the whole thing like the vulture that she’s always been.  
  
The day after that, the gossip in the entire building was Matsumoto Jun-san from the fifth floor is the type who can’t be bothered to fork for the taxi fare. The injustice nearly made him cry.  
  
“I’m the aggrieved party here!” Jun wanted to yell at the time, but he’s not the yelling type. That’s his neighbor who should really consider a divorce. He then proceeded to drown out his sorrows to poor Sho-chan whose virgin eyes were no longer virgin (having been made privy to Hiroshi’s infidelity), and when that no longer satisfied him, he called Toma, Shun, and the rest of their friends, and sang One OK Rock’s songs in the karaoke until he was hoarse.  
  
The theater rehearsal the following day was a disaster because nobody could hear what he was saying. Jun had many regrets that day, and it lasted for a week.  
  
Treadmill session concluded, Jun pours himself a glass of wine and raises it in a toast in front of Sho-chan and Sakurai Sho’s signed poster. Men and women both disappoint him. He thought that with his sexuality he pretty much won the dating game because it gave him plenty of options, but the universe said no, fuck you, Matsumoto, go jack off to your favorite idol like you always do.  
  
He eyes the poster appreciatively and lets out a sigh. Not a dreamy one; he’s too old for that and this isn’t a Disney movie.  
  
Someone like Sakurai Sho wouldn’t let him down. Probably. There’s a chance he might, but it’s slimmer than the chances of Jun finding the right one. That’s how much Jun will vouch for the guy. Sakurai Sho is a successful idol and newscaster, someone who also writes his own lyrics and produces songs that are a bop.  
  
Honestly, Jun wonders why nobody does it like Sakurai Sho. What’s stopping men from being like him?  
  
Jun likes to think of himself as a casual fan, owning a couple of the guy’s CDs and the occasional merchandise, watching News Zero every Monday, having his fridge stocked with frozen food and Asahi beers. Eat well, live well, according to one of Sakurai Sho’s CMs. Frozen food is probably not the correct path to fitness, but the gyoza’s good and it’s not just some exaggerated acting on Sho-san’s part.  
  
Sho-san is, of course, Sakurai Sho. The perfect idol. Sho-chan, meanwhile, is his beloved son named after the perfect idol. They’re two separate entities but Jun refers to them in the same manner: with respect.  
  
So it’s a slow night and the screaming next door has thankfully ceased and the world is all right again when Jun decides he’s had enough with being mopey and sorry for himself because of how his past relationship ended. He wasn’t the jerk. He’s not the one who should consider practicing celibacy for an entire year or contemplate castration to suppress the urges. He’s lonely and he’s got wine, beer, and a beautiful bonsai, and it’s time that someone gets to share them with him.  
  
He opens Tinder.  
  
\--  
  
**II. The Catfish**  
  
Tinder, when comparing it to other social media platforms, is a spectrum of extremes. There’s no in-between, at least for Jun. He either finds someone interesting who doesn’t seem like a serial killer only for him to receive a dick or a pussy pic within the first five minutes of conversation or he finds someone as bland as a bowl of miso soup diluted with too much water. It depends on what kind of night it is. He doesn’t want to attribute his matches on Tinder on his luck; that’s too sad.  
  
The pics don’t really do much for him. There are pros and cons to every dick and pussy pic he’s received on the app. Big dicks are aesthetically pleasing but in general, underperforming. Size can never compensate for technique. Pinkish pussies are also aesthetically pleasing but whoever sends them within five minutes must be a horny woman who’s ten years younger than Jun or more. By rule of thumb, his limit is plus or minus five years his age.  
  
He swipes left to the first six he sees and swipes right for the seventh. It’s a match and Jun chats with her right away. The hour is late enough and he’s got no time for bullshit.  
  
  
  
_**Chieko**  
  
Do you smoke? Weed?_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
No._

  
  
Apparently, she doesn’t, either. He smokes, sure, but not the kind she’s looking for. He moves on and swipes left for the next two and right for the third, and gets his first pussy pic for the night.  
  
  
  
_**Haruka**  
  
[image attached]_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Thank you, but no._

  
  
_**Haruka**  
  
Not good enough for you?_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I think I’m the one who’s not good enough for that._

  
  
_**Haruka**  
  
Oh.  
  
Okay that’s valid. Cheers._

  
  
Jun has a profound admiration for people like this: those who don’t take refusals to heart because their self-esteem is clearly not as fucked up as his own and they truly know their worth. If he had even a tenth of their confidence, dating would be easier.  
  
It’s not about his looks, really. Well, he’s a bit insecure at how his skin isn’t as flawless as Nino’s, but it hardly matters once the lights are off. So it’s not that. His problem is that he thrives on validation in the same way Sho-chan thrives on sunlight and water and love, and if he doesn’t get his dose of it after a particular span of time, he starts questioning himself.  
  
Is he not good enough? He tries so hard; is that bad? Is it too much that it becomes pitiful to look at? Hiroshi, that jerk, told him that he thinks he’s hot shit because he has his own theater production when Hiroshi was collecting his stuff. Toma threatened to punch the guy for him and Shun wanted to hire burly men to station themselves outside Hiroshi’s house but Jun talked them out of it.  
  
Nino, meanwhile, gave him a look and calmly asked if Hiroshi still lives three stations away from Jun. Jun warily said yes, and Nino simply nodded.  
  
He doesn’t want to know exactly what Nino did. It’s not a crime, probably. At least Jun doesn’t think so; Nino’s happily married to his beautiful wife and basks in the simple joys of raising a vegetable garden with her. Nino wouldn't ruin a relationship like that by committing a hate crime.  
  
Nino or Ninomiya Kazunari is one of Jun’s closest friends, the voice of his subconscious in tiny human form. He’s the one who talks some sense into Jun when Jun’s confidence needs boosting or his ego is simply shot straight to hell that he listens to no one, not even himself. Nino’s got that particular charm that works better than an IV line placed on fast drip during a hangover. It’s amazing.  
  
His next swipe to the right yields an impressive dick pic, but Jun’s got rehearsals tomorrow and can’t risk hurting his jaw. He declines after exchanging a couple of messages and sighs, switches apps, and types a quick text to Nino.  
  
_How did you meet your wife again?_  
  
He doesn’t want to sound desperate. He’s just a little lonely, maybe. Whatever his friends did to settle down might surely work for him if he gathers enough intel and annotates everything in APA format somewhere in the confines of his hardwired brain.  
  
Nino’s reply comes in thirty seconds or fewer. He’s probably gaming and texting at the same time. He’s that talented.  
  
_I had an accident and needed a brain cell donation and she was there and we fell in love._  
  
Sometimes, Jun hates Nino. But he has to admit, it sounds plausible. Nino’s wife is smarter than him. Jun has met her a couple of times and she’s definitely the brains and the looks in the relationship. That doesn’t mean Nino isn’t good-looking, but Jun refuses to fuel Nino’s ego because the last time he admitted that Nino’s face is his favorite, Nino used it as his trump card.  
  
Having learned his lesson, Nino’s just...well, Nino. Someone like him is impossible to quantify.  
  
_For the record,_ Jun types, _that actually seems legit._  
  
He goes back to Tinder and swipes right on the next attractive person he sees. The kick he gets in his system whenever the app matches him with the other person is incomparable; Jun is yet to find someone who has rejected him after he swiped right. It’s an instant source for validation and for a while, it works.  
  
Is he vain? Toma calls him “the vainest asshole I know,” and Shun followed that up with “after yourself, you mean,” so Jun can’t tell, really. Maybe he is. He doesn’t stare at sidewalk or car mirrors, though.  
  
New attractive person who’s a match is another failure when they ask Jun about his thoughts on global warming. If he had an erection right now, it would wilt like a lily sprout suddenly moved to the desert. He laments at his chances for tonight and politely excuses himself, saying his bonsai needs attending because if anything can make an environmental person back off, it’s claims of him paying attention to the environment.  
  
Jun promises his next person will be his last. It either leads to something or yields nothing. He can try again tomorrow or whenever he remembers that a thirty-seven-year-old man ought to be in a stable relationship with a human being and not a bonsai that might someday anthropomorphically animate itself to accompany Jun for the rest of his life.  
  
He looks at Sho-chan, sitting quietly in his new pot at a table situated right at the center of his veranda. Sho-chan might come to life just for him, at his behest. Love can move mountains, according to some crappy soap opera and fairy tales, and Sho-chan loves him.  
  
He swipes left for four people and stops right at the fifth, finger frozen over his screen.  
  
He knows that face. He’s had that face staring at him from his bedroom wall for three years now, and though it’s not exactly the same photo as his signed poster, it’s a face he’s had daydreams about when he’s particularly feeling sorry for himself and succumbs to his weakness. He is only human, after all.  
  
_Sakurai Sho, 38,_ the info below reads. _15 km away._  
  
Two thoughts shoot rapid-fire into Jun’s mind:

  1. This can’t be happening. There’s no way that Sakurai Sho, renowned idol, newscaster, and rapper, is on Tinder. Someone like him doesn’t need a shitty app created for lowly humans to find a semblance of love, and
  2. This catfish dared besmirch the name of _the_ Sakurai Sho in Jun’s house when not even Jun’s closest friends have dared. The audacity.



His protective instincts are now on haywire like he’s mama bear protecting the cubs. He approaches the situation carefully and swipes right. This catfish is going to get the fun he’s looking for because Jun is going to give it to him. No one uses Sakurai Sho for a cheap app like this. It’s unthinkable. The blatant disrespect is going to make him weep.  
  
Luck finally decided to be gracious to him because the Sakurai catfish swipes right, and Jun starts laying down his options. His goal is simple: expose this catfish for the lying, despicable person that they are who used a Sakurai Sho photo that is arguably one of his most attractive photos. The undercut in those leather pants? Absolutely low. This human garbage will pay.  
  
Now, Jun can either get to his point immediately or strategize for the long haul and gather information like it’s part of related literature, then dump them all at once and see this catfish obliterated. It will take time, but the rewards will be sweet.  
  
The big question is what would Nino—the smartest and most cunning person Jun knows—do?  
  
The Sakurai catfish is the one who sends a message first.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Hello._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Hi._

  
  
  
That simple reply took all of his willpower; he had to keep his rage in check if he’s going to play his cards carefully and bask in the glory of his achievements by the end of it.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I’m not very good at using this app, actually._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Well, it’s not the ideal platform for chatting.  
  
The dick pics are numerous, though._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
[laughing emoji]  
  
That’s true. Quite abundant, really.  
  
I see you’re not the type who does that?_  
  
  
  
Jun’s eyebrow—one of the most trusty parts of his face—quirks at that. He’s not the type to send dick pics to random strangers over the internet; he’s classier than that. That’s not looking down on those who do, of course. Maybe their dicks are the most impressive part of them and Jun appreciates the straightforward approach from time to time. It’s just that, well, that’s not how he does things here. Catfish-san can’t be judging him from his looks, can he? Piece of shit. Does he think Jun looks like a chronic dick pic sender?  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
No.  
  
And if that’s your way of asking, the answer’s the same as above._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Oh. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry if that’s how it sounded.  
  
I did say I’m not very good at this. Can I try again?  
  
I’m sorry if I offended you. It wasn’t intentional._  
  
  
  
A catfish with a semblance of humanity despite posing as Sakurai Sho. Truly the cream of the crop. Either the universe hates Jun because it gives him his favorite idol in the form of a catfish with manners or it really fucking hates Jun because now Jun feels terrible.  
  
This is a catfish, he reminds himself. A faker with no better things to do. Don’t fall for it. Don’t be an idiot. Use your two remaining brain cells and make Nino proud.  
  
The fact that he hears those words in Nino’s voice should mortify him but there are things about Jun that only he can accept. This is one of those. His life is too miserable for him to sweat this little thing.  
  
Fuck you, catfish, Jun thinks as he poses his fingers to type again.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I’m not offended. Just drawing the line in case you had expectations.  
  
What are you doing right now?_

  
  
  
Now that question, that’s safe territory. He’s beginning to plant the seeds in order to ensnare this catfish: hook, line, and sinker. He’ll start with casual questions like he has zero ideas who Sakurai Sho truly is, and once he has enough receipts, he’s going to expose this filthy liar and remove his presence from the internet. It’s only justice. He feels a little like a vigilante right now.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I’m working on a song.  
  
Wait, I’m not supposed to say that. Uh.  
  
Unsend. Undo.  
  
Please pretend you didn’t read that._  
  
  
  
Jun hates himself because he did laugh at the “unsend, undo”, like it’s supposed to do anything. Is this person stupid? Is it possible that he’s found a catfish whose brain cells are fewer than his own? Has the universe finally aligned itself? Now he’s truly entertained and beginning to get invested. Which can’t be good for this guy.  
  
When Matsumoto Jun puts his mind to something, it gets done no matter what.  
  
Ellipsis disappear and reappear like poor catfish-san is at a loss on what to do. Which means he’s at least good at pretending who he’s claiming to be: Sakurai Sho is probably used to people knowing who he is right away that he rarely needs an introduction. Which means Jun has to pretend he doesn’t know a thing about this guy when in reality he knows where each of Sakurai Sho’s piercings is located.  
  
Jun the Sakurai Sho fan should disappear for a while and give way to Jun the oblivious himbo on Tinder. He’s not sure if he can pull the persona off considering the menacing aura brought by his eyebrows, but if this guy swiped right, well, at least he likes what he saw.  
  
Jun can use that to his advantage.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
You’re a songwriter? Do you sing as well?  
  
I’m in charge of the tambourine during karaokes so I admire those who can hold a note.  
  
I’m tone-deaf, you see._

  
  
  
Nino would be proud of him: nothing about his recent messages to this catfish are untrue. Well, maybe the obliviousness is a lie; he does know that Sakurai Sho pens his own lyrics and they’re usually full of messages everyone in his fandom loves to dissect. Is Jun a part of those people? Sometimes. He did dedicate at least five tweets to T.A.B.O.O, one of Sakurai Sho’s rather inspired songs. The lyrics are quite...spicy, and for a while, it sent his fandom to a frenzy.  
  
Disclaimer: Jun is not a part of the frenzy. He’s a casual, cultured fan. Go pass judgment elsewhere.  
  
Sakurai Sho’s fandom affectionately calls themselves Little Cherry Blossoms because they’re either unimaginative and predictable or the name was coined by a fan who is perhaps a decade younger than Jun. Whatever. Little Cherries, for short. Jun is not a Little Cherry. If he has to be a cherry blossom then he’s the sturdiest of them all. He’s not just one of the many flowers.  
  
He’s the entire fucking tree.  
  
“How about Big Cherry?” Nino once suggested. “You can’t be Little. Old Cherry? Cherry Pioneer? You’ve been there even before his newscaster gig.”  
  
“Fuck cherries in total,” Jun said that time, “and other Gen Z stuff I can never relate to.”  
  
Little Cherry Blossom or not, he’s old. Not that old, but he’s a little too old to connect with most of Sakurai Sho’s fans. It took him three days to figure out what “stan” meant. Why not just say fan? Why rank the degree of being one? He will never understand.  
  
His friends do have one redeemable quality that they all have in common: despite being notorious assholes in Jun’s life, they don’t mind Jun the Sakurai Sho fan. If any news on Sakurai Sho pops up on their Facebook timelines, they sometimes forward the link to Jun on LINE with no questions or judgments. Toma will add the eggplant emoji in case it’s an article about a thirst trap Sakurai Sho has posted in one of his social media accounts, and Jun will wish for a better friend but secretly save said thirst trap selfie on his phone as any sensible Little Cherry would do.  
  
That still doesn’t make him a Little Cherry.  
  
Catfish-san chooses this moment to reply, and Jun, once again, wants to berate himself for laughing but he can’t help it. Whoever this catfish is, they’re _good_.  
  
Because they’re saying things that Jun can imagine the real Sakurai Sho would say.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Uh, you can’t delete messages here huh?  
  
(Yes, I sing. Sorry, I really wasn’t supposed to mention that to anyone.)  
  
Anyway, do you have pets of any kind?_  
  
  
  
The deliberate change in topic almost makes Jun’s resolve soften a bit, but then he remembers that this person dared use Sakurai Sho to get a good date, and just like that, his determination is back.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
(Okay, I won’t tell anyone.)  
  
Animals hate me. I do have plants. What about you?_

  
  
  
He carefully steers the conversation to familiar territory: Sakurai Sho has no pets of any kind to his knowledge. And to the knowledge of any Little Cherry Blossom out there. He’s a separate entity but he’s certain they all agree on this.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I want to have one, but I can’t take care of them at present.  
  
I also have a lot of clutter at home and that might endanger pets, so.  
  
If you have plants, I have snowglobes._  
  
  
Jun straightens when he reads that. Every Little Cherry knows about Sakurai Sho’s snowglobe collection. The obsessive Little Cherry stans know precisely where each snowglobe came from. Jun is not that invested. He can name five snowglobes in Sakurai Sho’s collection and that’s his limit.  
  
He’s moved to his bed now, but any trace of sleepiness has vanished since he found this catfish. He’s bound to regret this tomorrow morning during rehearsals, but that’s the norm for him: shitty life choices made in the middle of the night, like any adult would have done.  
  
When he sends a message, he chooses his words carefully.  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Which one’s your favorite?  
  
Among your snowglobe sons and daughters, I mean._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
[image attached]  
  
This is from Vietnam. My favorite recently. Might change next week.  
  
Which one’s your favorite among your plant sons and daughters, if you don’t mind me asking?_  
  
  
  
It’s a snowglobe of the tower of Hanoi. That’s not what makes Jun pause.  
  
At the corner of the photo is a hand. A sufficiently tanned hand pointing to the globe itself, like he’s proudly showing it off. A good-looking hand too. Can hands look good? Is that normal? Fucking catfish. So there exists a human despicable enough to do something like this, fifteen kilometers from where Jun is. He’s almost tempted to ask the guy for a quickie or phone sex, just to see his damn face and mark it in his memory for life. But that would ruin the himbo image he’s trying to portray.  
  
Deep breaths, Matsumoto, he hears in Nino’s disembodied voice that’s living rent-free in his head. Himbos know nothing.  
  
He scrolls through his camera roll and finds the perfect picture of Sho-chan in full bloom.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
That’s a lovely snowglobe. Nice to meet you, mini Hanoi-san.  
  
[image attached]  
  
This is my bonsai. He’s been with me for two springs already, each one more beautiful than the last._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Your bonsai is beautiful. I’m honored to meet him.  
  
And I hope he accompanies you to springs that seem everlasting.  
  
I’m sorry if this is too forward, please feel free not to answer.  
  
What do you do when you’re not on this app?_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Oh. I’m a theater producer.  
  
Sometimes I stand in for the actors but I mostly do stage directions.  
  
The boring stuff the audience doesn’t see. But I enjoy it._

  
  
  
There’s probably a corresponding reprimand in Nino’s voice about telling a catfish what you really do for a living, but some sacrifices had to be made in order for justice to prevail. That’s how he rationalizes that choice and decides not to beat himself up over it.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
You do seem...strict.  
  
[laughing emoji]  
  
I’m sorry, it’s the eyebrows, I think. Very distinct._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I’ll have you know they’re raised in judgment right now.  
  
I could be wrong but are you laughing at me?_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Oh, I would never dare. I think you’re very cute, Matsumoto-san.  
  
But I would never wish to be the subject of your anger._  
  
  
  
Too late, Jun thinks. Catfish-san has courted his anger when he decided to pretend as Sakurai Sho and there’s no turning back from that grievous sin. Polite catfish he may be, he’s still a catfish. A Sakurai Sho catfish who uses keigo on Tinder and has a collection of snowglobes just like the real deal. Like Jun, he’s probably doing this for the long haul too. Just to say in the end something like, “gotcha, dipshit, it’s a prank! Get a life!” and do a little victory dance. Scum.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
If you’re this formal on Tinder, it really might not be the app for you.  
  
Also, I’m not cute. I’m almost forty._

  
  
  
With only a bonsai for company, he doesn’t say. It’s so desolate that if guardian angels are real, surely his must be asking the higher power why they got someone who’s the epitome of a human disaster. No shortage of good looks or people attracted to him but seemingly incapable of having a lasting, fruitful relationship.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
The way you talk is. The way you look, now, that’s a different story.  
  
Is it okay if I ask for a photo?_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Of my bonsai? Hang on._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Of you.  
  
(I do appreciate the bonsai. Don’t be offended.)_  
  
  
  
Jun, because he is Nino’s friend and every person part of Nino’s clique are crafty people in their own ways, digs through his camera roll and chooses the selfie he thinks he’s most attractive in. It’s the perfect thirst trap selfie for the likes of the Tinder community, too. It’s a post-workout, topless selfie designed to kill because it shows off the constellation of moles he has on the side of his neck, the droplets of sweat that made his skin glaze, and his cheeks that are slightly flushed thanks to the influx of testosterone. The wonders of human physiology, indeed.  
  
He sends that with no accompanying message.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
[image attached]_

  
  
  
The ellipsis appears and disappears, and reappears only to disappear again. Jun might have just rendered his catfish speechless, and they haven’t even seen the mole close to his nipple. He’s been told by his previous partners that one makes for an interesting surprise.  
  
Dear guardian angel, he thinks, if it exists at all, that is, are you proud of me? You should be.  
  
When the messages come, it’s thankfully not in the form of that thirsting emoji that Jun never saw the appeal of. That’s the most recurring response to that particular selfie, which has successfully landed him a couple of satisfactory lays.  
  
In fact, it’s one of the most unexpected replies he’s gotten to date.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting that._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Good surprise or bad?_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Good. Very good. Sorry. I’m still recovering._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Take your time.  
  
While you’re at it, mind sending one of your own?_

  
  
  
Anyone who’s a catfish will undoubtedly choose their next move carefully. Jun has implied that he hasn’t heard of Sakurai Sho and has no idea that he’s famous, and if Jun receives one of Sakurai Sho’s recently posted selfies, a quick tumble at Google is going to discredit this catfish immediately. But he plans to collate all that information and expose them at the right time when he’s had enough.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
[image attached]  
  
Nothing compared to yours, of course._  
  
  
  
He’s really good, whoever this catfish is. The photo Jun receives is indeed Sakurai Sho, and Jun quickly slaps some Google lens on that shit and finds that it’s similar to the photo Sakurai Sho posted on his Twitter a few weeks back, when he first got the shaved undercut.  
  
Similar, but not the same. This photo doesn’t have the entirety of his face unlike the one on Twitter. And if he was wearing a blue coat on the Twitter photo, he’s down to just his shirt in this one, showing off the distinct curve of his angular shoulder.  
  
Pretty impressive for a catfish pretending to be not good at the whole Tinder business. The photo isn’t up to par with what Jun has sent, which—if this was a normal conversation with an actual person—will likely pique Jun’s interest because it makes the catfish seem like a normal human being.  
  
Jun’s now itching to ask where this person might have gotten a photo like that, but if he scares them away, Operation: Catfish Exposé will be a failure and he’ll have nothing to show for it save for the precious time that he wasted and can never get back. Jun is no fool; he doesn’t invest in something that will flop (fuck his snobbish landlady who said otherwise).  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I like your undercut. It adds to your handsomeness.  
  
What should I call you?_

  
  
  
That reply isn’t even a lie; the undercut is one of the unapologetically ruthless Sakurai Sho looks. One time, Sakurai Sho paired off that hairstyle with a black shirt and leather pants (the same photo this catfish used on Tinder), and Jun’s brain simultaneously combusted along with the rest of the Little Cherry Blossom fandom. That meltdown brought about a new fandom nickname for Sakurai Sho: Daddy Cherry.  
  
The accuracy and the inherent thirst ingrained in that nickname haunted Jun’s dreams for days. If there’s one thing he can relate with, it’s being attracted to Sakurai Sho and the absolutely criminal way those toned legs of his look in leather. He will never admit it, but every time Sakurai Sho sports an undercut, he gets war flashbacks to the Daddy Cherry meltdown and resigns himself to not being attracted to anyone else in the same degree.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Oh. My friends call me Sho-chan.  
  
Sho-kun will be fine. Sho-san, if you prefer that.  
  
How should I refer to you?_  
  
  
  
Jun’s friends call him King when they feel like annoying him, which is most of the time. Then there are those who call him MJ to sound classy but subsequently make fun of him, which happens half the time. Then there’s the standard Matsujun in which he goes by, used by everyone else except for Nino.  
  
Nino calls him J. He’s the only one that does because he came up with it and he’s the only one allowed to use it. Being the voice of his subconscious makes Nino entitled to certain privileges.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Sakurai-san then. [winking emoji]  
  
Everyone calls me Matsujun._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Including your theater colleagues?  
  
You’re too formal if you call me like that.  
  
It’s like you’re a colleague at work._

_**Jun**  
  
You’re the one using keigo on Tinder.  
  
Yes, including my theater colleagues.  
  
And friends. You know. Everyone._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Matsujun-san, then. If that’s okay.  
  
I don’t want to overstep by acting familiar with you.  
  
But if the keigo bothers you...I’ll try to loosen up?  
  
[laughing emoji] I’ve been told I need to do that lately._  
  
  
  
Why did this catfish have to be so polite? Finding someone with manners on Tinder is like chancing upon a real sapphire at a thrift shop. Jun is suffering at present, torn between continuing his elaborate plan for the sake of justice and playing nice, because...well.  
  
Disregarding the fact that this is a catfish he’s talking to, whoever they are, they seem...nice. Genuinely so. Jun is not a cruel person by nature, but he can be by circumstance. But when people are this careful and respectful to talk to unlike most people he’s met in this app, it makes him feel like he’s being a jerk by playing with them when he’s the one being played.  
  
Catfish, he repeats in his head. Catfish, catfish, catfish. He prays for his two brain cells to join forces and vanquish the evil, lurking conflict that’s building up at the back of his head.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I’d rather have you talk in the way you’re comfortable in.  
  
If that’s in keigo, then it’s in keigo.  
  
[winking emoji] We can take it slow. Sakurai-san._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
[laughing emoji]  
  
Thank you. I now feel like I worried over nothing?_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I think your concerns are valid.  
  
I mean, we’re both a little old for this app.  
  
Some would say otherwise, of course.  
  
But usually when they do, they just really want to get laid._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Why did you start using this app, if you don’t mind the question?_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
It’s a dating app. What else do I need it for?_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
No, I meant…  
  
With your looks, I mean, it shouldn’t be difficult?_  
  
  
  
The part of Jun that constantly lives off validation skyrockets straight to the stratosphere at those words. He hates it, but that’s how it is. Having someone who shares the name of your favorite idol tell you indirectly that you’re attractive? That stuff _sends_. This is a catfish, but the euphoria has hit and Jun is yet to come back down from it.  
  
The ellipsis appears once more so he holds back his reply. He still has no idea how to respond, anyway.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Was that too forward? I’m sorry.  
  
But I feel like you ought to know that I find you handsome.  
  
Anyone younger than me would probably say hot and they wouldn’t be wrong._

  
  
Jun directs a gaze upwards to the heavens and moans miserably, “Why can’t he be the real deal?” He’d give anything for Sakurai Sho himself to call him hot.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I’m not making a move.  
  
Wait. Um.  
  
I mean.  
  
I did swipe right so, yeah.  
  
But I hope I didn’t creep you out.  
  
I’m really bad at this. Sorry._  
  
  
  
Jun gives himself a few more minutes to kill the idea of Sakurai Sho telling him he’s hot. Because it will never happen. It’s only a sweet, poisonous delusion of a Little Cherry who gets lonely easily because every one of his closest friends recently got married while he’s all alone with only Sho-chan and Sho-chan’s other plant siblings for company.  
  
Fuck. He really needs to get laid anytime soon. The last time was too long ago and the last time he had it good was even longer than that.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Matsumoto-san?  
  
Matsujun-san?  
  
Did I ruin it? I’m sorry._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
No, you didn’t ruin it.  
  
I just liked seeing you panic a little too much.  
  
[winking emoji]_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Oh. Wow. That’s a bit underhanded, don’t you think?  
  
I thought I blew it._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
You apologize too much. It’s okay.  
  
I’m glad that selfie worked for you.  
  
It’s one of my best. [laughing emoji]_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I don’t think you can look unattractive in anything.  
  
I mean, we’re our own worst critics. So.  
  
And I’m sorry. I don’t want to go out of line.  
  
I’m not usually using apps for potential dates, you see._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
That’s quite poetic of you, Sakurai-san.  
  
I’ll tell you when you’re out of line, how’s that?  
  
In return, I ask you to do the same._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I do write songs sometimes, remember?  
  
Pretend you didn’t read that, like before.  
  
And all right, that seems fair. Thank you._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
[hands over eyes emoji]  
  
I didn’t read anything. [shh emoji]_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
It’s quite late. Shouldn’t you be sleeping?_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
[sad face emoji]  
  
You don’t want to talk to me anymore?_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
No.  
  
I mean, yes, I do, and no I didn’t mean it like that._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
[laughing emoji]_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Oh you’re definitely making fun of me now.  
  
And here I am, concerned about your sleep cycle and all._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Maybe I need a little nudge to fall asleep._

  
  
  
It takes a while before Jun receives a reply to that one. He has already settled under the covers, about to fall asleep because he thinks he’s accomplished enough for tonight. He’s on friendly terms with the catfish he’s about to trap, and that’s a good start if he’s going to push through his plans of ending this person’s dating app career.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
If you don’t mind, can I ask for your LINE ID?  
  
There’s something I’d like to show you._  
  
  
  
Jun has given that ID to people shadier than this catfish when he needed to rub one out but had to keep it discreet and speed things up at the same time so he throws caution to the wind and sends his ID before switching apps.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Sure. It’s BillieJun._

  
  
  
In a few seconds, he receives a notification that GodfatherSho has added him.  
  
So catfish-san has a dummy account even for this. They must have been doing this for a long time and that sends Jun’s blood boiling. How many people has this person tricked? Jun’s only pretending for him, but he’s not going to hold back when the time comes even if this guy is nothing but polite so far.  
  
He accepts the request and waits.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Hello.  
  
[audio message, 0:32]  
  
Sorry, it’s a bit short. I’ll do a longer version when I finally master this._  
  
  
  
Jun freezes at that. He definitely wasn’t expecting that. A voice message? It’s as if the proof that he needs is falling straight to his lap on a silver platter and he wants to scream. Surely it can’t be as easy as this? Thirty-two seconds of proof? Beautiful.  
  
He presses play and brings the phone speaker closer to his ear.  
  
For the first few seconds, there’s only static. He listens closely for a voice because he can definitely recognize Sakurai Sho’s voice even if some of his recent singles have autotuned his voice to something like an electric pop abomination. But there’s always News Zero if he needs to hear the raw voice.  
  
There’s no voice. What comes instead is the soft, unmistakable sounds of someone playing the piano, a slow piece of music that gradually fades before the recording ends.  
  
Jun plays it twice, then four more times until he knows the melody well enough and lies flat on his bed, staring at the ceiling.  
  
The Sakurai Sho catfish played piano for him.  
  
He backtracks a bit. That can’t be what’s happening here. This could be a prerecorded piece, designed to screw around with anyone too stupid to believe that they’re speaking to the real Sakurai Sho. GodfatherSho? Whoever this guy is, he certainly has it all planned out and Jun hates him for it. The piano playing is excellent, and everyone who’s a Little Cherry Blossom knows that Sakurai Sho plays the piano and is a perfectionist at it. The measures this catfish has taken are quite impressive which makes them utterly despicable.  
  
Jun can never forgive him.  
  
The Read function is prompting Jun to reply, and he spends a couple of seconds keeping his temper in check. This catfish is too cruel. Jun can build defenses against the undercut; he’s done it before during the Daddy Cherry meltdown era. But the piano is another thing. Sakurai Sho’s piano playing is beautiful and Jun, like every Sakurai Sho fan, wishes to hear more of it.  
  
Then this catfish uses that against him just like that. As a fan, Jun is simultaneously enraged and offended.  
  
But he’s not talking to this guy as a fan. He’s talking to him as Matsumoto Jun, theater producer and oblivious dating himbo with hot, post-workout selfies thanks to the protein shakes and the strict diet. He needs to get back on track.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
[clapping emoji]  
  
That was wonderful, Sakurai-san. Was it for me?_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
[blushing emoji] It was to help you sleep.  
  
I’ll be working late so don’t let me keep you.  
  
If you’re sleepy, don’t mind me.  
  
I’ll play better next time._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I’ll hold you to that.  
  
Good night, Sakurai-san. Don’t stay up too late._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Oh. Good night then, Matsujun-san.  
  
I hope you have lovely dreams._  
  
  
  
Fuck you, Jun fumes, because he knows himself and that the chances of him dreaming of Sakurai Sho playing the piano are high. He’s got no drive left to fight or to resist, and as much as he hates conceding this round to this catfish, he might have other chances in the future if he sticks to his plan and strategizes better.  
  
He needs Nino’s input for this.  
  
He plugs his phone and sets the alarm before leaving it on his nightstand, cursing catfishes and filthy liars in his head until he succumbs to sleep.  
  
\--  
  
**III. The Subconscious**  
  
Ninomiya Kazunari works as the theater troupe’s accountant because he’s undefeated in matters of money. The guy has an Excel file for all of the company’s expenses with all the receipts in triple photocopies and arranged chronologically per month. He’s that thorough.  
  
The same thing can’t be said for the way he handles other things. Nino isn’t always dressed to impress like Jun; he’s content with throwing a good old sweater with a hole on the side on top of baggy jeans and worn-out shoes. He even sports a striped headband when he feels like it and proceeds to play Pazudora on his phone while Jun and the rest of the theater brainstorm or rehearse.  
  
That’s how Jun finds him when Jun barges in his tiny, cramped office the following morning, his laptop open and blasting Oda Kazumasa while he’s busy nailing level after level in Pazudora. Jun expects a screenshot of a scoreboard to be sent in the group chat that they have for all members and staff of the theater troupe sometime tonight if he’s lucky, and earlier if he’s not.  
  
He doesn’t care. He’s not here for that.  
  
“If you want the tabulation of how much those recent lights upgrade did cost in the end, I’ll have it by Friday,” Nino says without looking up from his phone. “I’m waiting for the repair guys to message me about the final total.”  
  
“I’m not looking for that,” Jun says, taking liberties and perching himself on Nino’s desk because there’s no chair other than the one Nino’s sitting on. “I’ll want it by Thursday, though.”  
  
That makes Nino look up from his gaming, and Jun smiles.  
  
Nino’s eyes narrow. He’s definitely one of the smartest, sharpest people Jun knows. All it takes is one look and he knows something’s up.  
  
Jun waits. Nino’s perceptive; he only needs a minute or two to figure things out.  
  
“Hiroshi didn’t message you again, did he?” Nino asks.  
  
“What?” Jun laughs. “No. I blocked his number then deleted it. It’s not about him.”  
  
“Okay, that’s a relief, because you only look like you stepped on poop when it’s about Hiroshi, and that’s understandable.” To his record, he puts down his phone. “What’s up?”  
  
“I met someone,” Jun says.  
  
Nino doesn’t look surprised. “And? You usually don’t divulge things about your hookups unless you’re on your way to buying matching phone cases or rings from France.”  
  
“Fuck you, Hiroshi returned those,” Jun says. “Don’t remind me. I’m shivering from disgust.”  
  
“You sap,” Nino says. “All right, forget about the jerk. I didn’t want to bring him up but you didn’t talk so I had to come up with my own ideas. Unless you want me to say something revolting again, you might as well do the honors.”  
  
Jun digs through his phone and opens the Tinder messages he shared with the Sakurai Sho catfish and hands his phone to Nino without another word.  
  
The fact that Nino gasps as his eyes widen is saying something. This is the first time Jun has seen Nino gasp. Nothing can faze this man before and that’s on this catfish which just ignites Jun’s growing hatred for him.  
  
It takes a few minutes before Nino speaks, and when he does, he’s still scrolling.  
  
“You found a catfish of your favorite idol,” Nino says carefully, “and you chatted with him anyway instead of, I don’t know, reporting the fake profile?”  
  
“I want to end his catfishing career for good,” Jun reasons. “So I’m going to get him for real, gather enough information, then expose his lying, duplicitous ass and warn Sho-san’s fandom. It’s only right.”  
  
“J, I know you love the guy and this must be a blow for you,” Nino says, voice understanding. Jun loves him. So much. “And I get the dedication, I really do, because I’ve been there watching you even before his fans started calling themselves Little Cherries. But is this worth it?”  
  
“So you think it’s a catfish too,” Jun says. “That’s good.”  
  
Nino sighs. “That’s your takeaway from what I said?” Another sigh. “Okay. I got to admit, when I saw the profile photo, I did think it was a catfish.”  
  
It’s now Jun’s eyes that are narrowing. This can’t be good.  
  
“But then,” Nino says, trailing off, and Jun sees that he has switched apps right under Jun’s nose and is now on the LINE conversation thread, and Jun’s heart is in his throat, “what if?”  
  
Just two words. Two words from Nino and dread completely overcomes Jun.  
  
“What if what?” Jun asks warily. He feels cold. “He’s the real deal? He can’t be. You think a top idol like him will waste time chatting with a nobody on Tinder? Play the piano for them? Assuming that’s not prerecorded, of course. Besides, you’ve seen the LINE ID. You think he’ll use something boring and nonsensical like GodfatherSho?”  
  
“I think a top idol like him can be bored sometimes, yeah,” Nino says. “Why are you immediately nuking the idea of it? Wouldn’t it be great if he was the real deal? Sakurai Sho uses the same apps as normal, lesser humans. A win for us.”  
  
“No, it won’t be great,” Jun says immediately. It would be horrifying, really. “Because it’s not him and it can never be him. Whoever’s doing this is nothing but a catfish.”  
  
“For what it’s worth,” Nino says as he hands over Jun’s phone back, “I’m currently split. It’s either him or not him, but like you, I’m leaning towards not him for now because yeah. He’s too rich to use Tinder. His dad’s a politician, right?”  
  
Jun stuffs his phone back in his pocket and runs a hand through his hair before pushing his glasses up his nasal bridge. “Yeah. Was. I think his dad’s now retired. Not sure.”  
  
Nino suddenly grins, and it’s so deceptively innocent that Jun is almost afraid of him.  
  
Both of Nino’s eyebrows lift, gesturing to Jun’s pocket. “Ask him.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Ask him,” Nino repeats. “He’s claiming to be Sakurai Sho, right? Bring up the parents talk sometime and let’s see. I don’t doubt your knowledge as a Little Cherry, so counterchecking facts is easier.”  
  
“I’m not a Little Cherry,” Jun retorts.  
  
Nino simply nods like he’s used to hearing Jun’s denial. (He is.) “And I’m not growing tomatoes. Right. We’ve had this conversation before.” He peers up at Jun in curiosity. “Who else knows about this?”  
  
Jun lets out a breath. “Just you for now.”  
  
The frown that suddenly appears on his favorite face sends him smiling. “You didn’t tell Toma about this? Why?”  
  
“He’s married,” Jun explains.  
  
“So am I,” Nino says, like he’s offended. Jun laughs. “Wow. You really don’t care about my wife’s feelings at all, do you?”  
  
“On the contrary,” Jun tells him, “it’s because I know how your wife is that I decided to tell you anyway. She never judged me for being Sakurai Sho’s fan.”  
  
“Oh please,” Nino says dismissively, waving his small hands in the air, “like she would. She thinks his X-rated song T.A.B.O.O is a jam.”  
  
“That’s called taste and that’s something you don’t have,” Jun says, and Nino groans. “Oh come on, it’s catchy!”  
  
“‘Your scent is still on my fingers’?” Nino says, then he fake gags because he’s rude. “Before that, he had a song asking for someone to touch him. Repeatedly.” He shudders for effect.  
  
Jun grins; that’s one of Sakurai Sho’s first songs. The fact that Nino remembers is a testament to how long they’ve been friends. “And what does your precious wife think of that one?”  
  
Nino deflates. “I heard her humming it the other day and I wanted to cry.”  
  
Jun laughs, boisterous and borderline obnoxious, savoring the look on poor Nino’s face. “Someday the three of us should go to karaoke so we can sing Sho-san’s songs to you and watch you suffer. I think she’s on my side; she’s definitely smarter than you.”  
  
“She definitely had a Sakurai Sho phase,” Nino acknowledges. “I’m not angry about it. He’s definitely the kind of guy every father dreams for his daughter.” Nino smiles. “Which says a lot about me because when I met my wife’s parents, they didn’t mention Sakurai Sho at all.”  
  
“Don’t compare yourself to him,” Jun berates, swatting at Nino’s arm while Nino laughs against the crook of his elbow. Little shit. He always knew how to rile Jun up. “Unlike you or me, he’s not relying on Tinder for a date.”  
  
“Oi, are you sad again?” Nino asks when Jun pouts. “I support you in everything you do, Jun-kun, and I support your quest in protecting Little Cherries in the future. That’s noble. There are a lot of creepy people on the internet who might use Sakurai Sho’s image to traffic innocent youngsters to awaiting predators via Telegram or worse, the dark web. And you’re going to do something about that, which is great. Just…”  
  
“Just?”  
  
Nino flashes him a small, honest smile. Not the mocking smirk or the trademark shit-eating grin often accompanied by a salute. “In doing so, take care of yourself. You’re giving your personal information to this guy in order to successfully trap him and if they’re really a scheming catfish with nothing better to do, who knows what they might use that information for? Be careful.”  
  
Jun wants to sob. Not really, but close to it. A little sniff, maybe, that he can mask as seasonal allergic rhinitis or something even though his olfactory sense is perfectly fine.  
  
“You do love me,” he teases, but it lacks bite.  
  
“I’m serious,” Nino says. “If anything goes wrong, you tell me right away. Selfies are okay, but if there’s a video call request then drop a word to me or two. If this guy asks to meet you in person, tell me so you don’t have to go alone. Even if it’s past midnight.”  
  
Jun appreciates the gesture even though Nino’s technically shorter than him and can probably win against a fight provided it’s on Street Fighter or Tekken 7 and not in the real world, but whatever. It’s the thought that counts. He understands. If catfish-san has malicious intent and Jun accepts a video call from him in the future, he might be stalked in his own home. There are too many things at risk here, and this is why Nino’s the person he’s spoken to about it.  
  
Nino focuses on the things that have been looming in his head but he’s afraid to acknowledge and tells them straight to his face so he can get over himself and accept them. Jun won’t have Nino any other way; Nino keeps him in line when he needs someone to do it.  
  
“What about your tomatoes?” he asks, the corner of his lips upturned to a smile.  
  
“They can manage a few hours without me,” Nino assures him. “Okay? Promise me that.”  
  
“I promise,” Jun says. “I’ll keep you posted, whatever it is.”  
  
“Good,” Nino says, exhaling like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. “But spare me the selfies, all right? Unless it’s really Sakurai Sho and you’ve clowned yourself big time.”  
  
“And that will never happen,” Jun vows, and Nino laughs.  
  
\--  
  
**IV. The Trap**  
  
Rehearsals end around nine in the evening because there are lines Jun had to assist the actors with. As a producer, he appreciates it when the actors have the initiative and reach out when they think they need help. Jun is a firm believer in knowing one’s worth at work; there’s no better person to assess anyone’s performance but themselves.  
  
It’s why he’s there along with their stage director, Tackey. Together, they stick around and help the young actors polish what they’re having difficulties in. Most of them are in their mid-twenties, anyway. There’s always room for improvement, especially when flaws are addressed early.  
  
“I could use a drink,” Tackey says when they’re done packing up. “I think we can do something about Shori’s concerns about flying midair, but I’m saturated.”  
  
“Yeah,” Jun agrees. “Tomorrow, I promise to come up with at least two ideas for it. Tonight, I’m afraid I’m spent.”  
  
“I’m paying,” Tackey offers, gesturing to where the rest of the staff are waiting for them. “Come on.”  
  
Jun goes because like Tackey, he definitely needs a drink (or more) and he can never say no to Tackey’s generosity. The guy’s a visionary. Jun sees things before they can take shape; that’s his talent. What Tackey possesses is the ability to see people for what they can be, and together it’s what makes their troupe successful. Jun has learned lots of things from Tackey, and he’ll never admit it but he still has that tiny note he scribbled long ago regarding Tackey’s pointers in producing a show, stuffed somewhere in an old wallet that he no longer uses.  
  
He’s sentimental, as Shun once put it. “Sentimental Jun,” Shun mused once, his stinky alcohol breath fanning against Jun’s cheek. “Who would’ve thought? Not with that face.”  
  
The impromptu drinking party lasts for almost two hours because unlike Jun who can party until dawn if left unsupervised, Tackey is a responsible adult who makes sure everybody can come to rehearsals in top shape the following morning.  
  
“Boomer,” one of the actors says. Jun thinks it might be Kento who does. That kid sang a couple of Morning Musume and AKB48 songs, ending all of them with “Sexy thank you!” like it’s supposed to mean something while everyone around them clapped and cheered.  
  
“Go home and brush your teeth before heading to bed,” Tackey says with a smile. “And drink water!”  
  
“Yes, dad,” is the collective, gloomy response, and Jun laughs.  
  
He waits until almost everyone has left the karaoke place’s entrance before flagging himself a taxi, fingers fluttering in farewell. With Tackey around, he doesn’t have to play the role of the strict parent. Of the two of them, Jun is the one the staff and the actors refer to as the cool dad because he’s all out during year-end parties and birthday celebrations. The party till you drop kind. He’s the one who writes on walls and on people’s shirts and laughs about it the following morning.  
  
Tackey’s the guy who sends people home first then sends a message to their group chat about reminders for tomorrow. For all his good looks and kind smile, he’s thorough and exacting and it’s what Jun admires about him. He can never let go of his innate, baser instincts to party. He’s born with it.  
  
He gets home and smiles at the long list of reminders from Tackey, sent to the theater troupe’s group chat. The sad reactions and crying emojis from the staff are hilarious even at this hour. He gets ready for bed when he finally checks his other LINE messages.  
  
He always leaves his phone on Emergency Calls Only whenever they have impromptu drinking parties and never checks other messages during rehearsals, so singularly focused on the play and the stage itself to even care.  
  
There are a couple of messages from the Sakurai Sho catfish, and it’s only then that Jun remembers that he exists. For a while, he actually managed to put the catfish out of his mind after that trip to Nino’s office.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Hello.  
  
I hope you had a good rest._  
  
  
  
The following messages were sent around four in the afternoon, right when the rehearsals were at their peak and Jun couldn’t even glance at his phone as he made lighting adjustments while the actors performed.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I finally had the time to watch Remember Me.  
  
I may have been crying. Maybe.  
  
Please pretend you didn’t read that._  
  
  
  
And finally, three messages sent around ten in the evening, while Hirano and Kento were probably doing that deafening duet of Radio Fish’s Perfect Human.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
[image attached]  
  
When you read this, do you mind if I ask you for a suitable synonym for “hope”?  
  
I feel like it’s an overused word and I’ve been stuck on this line for three days now._  
  
  
  
Jun is certain the Read function has already given him away, and he sees that catfish Sakurai is online. The photo Jun received had the catfish’s hand on the far right of the frame, holding a pencil while it hovered on top of a paper of what seemed to be blurred out lyrics. Except for the kanji for hope which was encircled multiple times and had question marks surrounding it.  
  
Sakurai Sho would never ask a random stranger to contribute to his lyrics. His only inspiration is m-flo’s Verbal-san, and he already stated in a couple of interviews that Verbal-san is the one who said to him that he must use his own words.  
  
Gotcha, catfish, Jun thinks, taking a screenshot of the conversation. This is only the beginning.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Hey. Sorry if I was MIA.  
  
I tend to leave my phone on DND while at work.  
  
Helps me think quickly, you see.  
  
I had a good rest, thank you. I hope you did too.  
  
Remember Me? You mean Coco?  
  
I loved the songs there.  
  
[hands over eyes emoji] I didn’t see you cry, don’t worry.  
  
Hope in what context, if you don’t mind me asking?_

  
  
  
He doesn’t have to wait long for ellipsis to appear in the conversation box. Catfish Sakurai is waiting for him and he thinks he played the role of an oblivious himbo convincingly that he managed to trick the catfish into pouncing. People like this would never waste a chance to trick someone, not when that’s their goal in the first place.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Good evening, Matsujun-san. I hope your day went well.  
  
Yes, Coco. [laughing emoji]  
  
I should’ve known you’ll use the Western name.  
  
I’ll keep this in mind.  
  
Hope like...for better things. In the future. In that sense.  
  
I’m sorry. I can’t give away too much._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
It’s all right.  
  
How about “tomorrow”? Like, painting a new tomorrow?  
  
Instead of using the kanji for hope, I mean._

  
  
  
Metaphors aren’t Jun’s strong suit, but for this catfish, he’ll play along. It’s partly due to the alcohol as well, though he made sure not to drink too much. He’s not drunk, just sufficiently buzzed that the iron grip he has on his mental faculties is somewhat loosened.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Tomorrow. Huh. I didn’t think of that.  
  
I think that works. Thank you.  
  
I’m sorry for suddenly bringing that up._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
[shh emoji] Don’t worry. I didn’t read anything.  
  
[winking emoji x 3]_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Thank you for your cooperation. [bowing emoji]  
  
It’s a bit late. If you’re getting ready to sleep, please go ahead.  
  
Don’t worry about replying._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Ah, working late again? Don’t stay up too late.  
  
No songs for me tonight?_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Spoiled already? [thinking emoji]_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
[pleading face emoji x 5]_

  
  
  
Usually, that works. That particular innovative emoji has been a powerful tool in Jun’s arsenal since its launch from Apple’s recent updates, and he has seen men and women attracted to him equally crumble at the sight of it. Is catfish-san part of those? He’ll find out. Catfish Sakurai Sho did say he was hot, after all.  
  
For a while, there’s nothing. Jun may have rendered the catfish speechless once more or he’s preparing for an even bigger scam by looking for a piano rendition of any sleep aid music on Youtube and recording it. That requires too much effort and if it happens, then Jun is definitely dealing with a pro catfish here.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I may have taken too long, you might be asleep.  
  
But if you’re not: [link]_  
  
  
  
Tapping that link leads Jun to a Spotify playlist entitled “Matsujun’s playlist for sleeping”, with an accompanying description of “Tailored according to what I perceive must be his sophisticated taste.” Jun can’t quite believe it. There must be at least fifteen piano pieces and instrumentals in it, all the slow ones that can perhaps effectively induce sleep. It was created a minute or two ago by Spotify user godfathersakurai.  
  
How many dummy accounts does this guy have on various platforms?  
  
Jun takes a screenshot of said playlist and switches apps back to LINE.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
“Tailored according to my sophisticated taste?”_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
To my perception of it, yes. I meant no offense._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
You think I’m a snob?_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I think you’re hard to please. It’s different._  
  
  
  
A catfish with manners and taste, perceptive enough to somehow figure out what works and what doesn’t for Jun is exactly the type of internet troll someone like Jun is bound to come across with. Of course. He never settles for anything so simple; always going down the hard, complicated way.  
  
The one time he tries to do the internet a favor is also the time the universe decides to give him his archnemesis.  
  
He has the songs playing for a while as he continues chatting with catfish Sakurai Sho, and because he’s a little tipsy and feeling less inhibited, he decides to be honest.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Well, think no more.  
  
I looped it and it’s playing now until I fall asleep.  
  
It’s a wonderful playlist. Thank you._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I’m glad to know that. Good night, Matsujun-san.  
  
[sleeping rabbit sticker]_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Good night._

  
  
Go and laugh now, he thinks before he shuts his eyes. It’ll be your last.  
  
\--  
  
**V. The Slope**  
  
Rehearsing for an original musical based on the tale of Icarus is about to wreck Jun’s brain. He’s imaginative. He’s creative. But figuring out how to make people fly over the audience is a lot of work. And it costs a lot of money, but that’s Nino’s problem. Jun’s problem is making it work. He always makes it work.  
  
He’s out of ideas. What he needs is for the wires to appear invisible, but that’s impossible even with the lack of lighting. He’s thinking of burying the wires under the costume and the mechanical wings. The dilemma is having the wires support approximately twice the weight of the actors. The wings are no joke; they’re heavy, expensive, and realistic—Jun didn’t hold back when he got them.  
  
He’s running out of ideas when he thinks, why not?  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Picture an actor wearing gigantic wings.  
  
If you’re watching them perform live, would you mind seeing the wires propping them up?_

  
  
  
He doesn’t expect a reply; it’s the middle of the afternoon and the catfish might be too busy catfishing other people.  
  
But then his phone vibrates.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Good afternoon, Matsujun-san.  
  
[thinking emoji] If I were your audience, I think it won’t matter to me.  
  
It might be a personal preference, of course, but I’d like to see them grounded.  
  
If that makes sense?  
  
But I’m sure most people would rather not to. It sells the illusion better._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
[image attached]  
  
You’d rather see the wires?  
  
Even if they’re flying around the hall?  
  
Right over your head, I mean._

  
  
  
It’s a photo of a crude illustration he had on the whiteboard: a stick man with wings and a sea of people drawn under it. In his mind, Icarus and his father would fly over the heads of everyone, as if they’re within reach if the audience extends their hands.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I’m afraid of heights, Matsujun-san. [laughing emoji]  
  
That’s why I’d rather see the wires. Or else I’ll be very anxious._  
  
  
  
Now the catfish is bringing up Sakurai Sho’s acrophobia? He’s definitely done his research and Jun has to admire the lengths this person took to impersonate a top idol.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Why? We take work hazards very seriously here.  
  
You don’t have to worry about actors falling._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
That’s not what I’m afraid of._

_**Jun**  
  
???_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Ah, please don’t laugh. Well, you can, but do it after I explain._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I’m not laughing._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
When I watch something, I tend to imagine myself as the one performing.  
  
Not because I want to do it.  
  
It’s more like, “if that were me, how would I do it? How different would my approach be? Will the result be the same?”  
  
Sometimes it’s along the lines of “can I even do something like that?”  
  
It’s not out of jealousy. Rather, it’s out of admiration.  
  
Imitation is the best form of flattery, they say.  
  
Okay, you can laugh now._  
  
  
  
But Jun isn’t laughing. How can he? His catfish has manners, respect, and _depth_. He falls smack dab in the middle of Jun’s type; Jun has always liked people who see things a little differently from him because it gives him a perspective that he’s never considered. Being himself, he likes having covered everything. And the only way that happens is when he’s got someone who sees what he doesn’t, someone who looks at the same thing but sees a different picture.  
  
Why did it have to be a catfish, of all people? Why can’t it be a normal human being like his exes? How come all the normal humans he has connected with had darker sides to them that they managed to hide until Jun was in a relationship with them?  
  
Well, a catfish has a dark side too, now that he thinks about it. Catfishing is a detestable thing to do.  
  
Whatever this guy is doing is just pretense. To lull Jun into falling for his methods. He’s dealing with a pro here; he has to keep his guard up.  
  
He silences the traitorous part of his brain that goes, “He’s saying stuff that you’ve never considered before, how are you doing?” because he’s always got that scheming brain cell that is secretly against him. He’s only got two and one of them is insistent on voicing out things he never wants to hear. How heartless.  
  
Shut up, he thinks. He’s a catfish. A catfish with profundity doesn’t change his nature.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I didn’t laugh.  
  
I can’t say I ever thought of it like that._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
[laughing emoji] Ah, please don’t take it seriously.  
  
That’s just how I see it. I can’t speak for the majority, of course.  
  
Whatever you decide on, Matsujun-san, I’m sure it’ll be impressive._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Oh? And how do you know that?_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Well, I don’t, really.  
  
But something tells me you don’t do things half-heartedly._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
And what’s that something, Sakurai-san?_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I hope you won’t be creeped out by this, but it’s in the way you talk.  
  
You seem to be someone who’s very certain of many things.  
  
I respect that, and I admire that about you.  
  
So that’s the “something”, I guess.  
  
A gut feeling that the person I’m talking to is a very determined person.  
  
When it comes to your work, nothing should be impossible, right? [smiling emoji]_  
  
  
  
Jun hasn’t been read like that for a long time. Now that he racks his brain, he realizes none of his exes told him something like that. They told him the things most people do when they see Jun: that he’s attractive, hot, and has a great body. That he’s a little weird for his wide variety of interests. Perhaps one or two may have told him that he doesn’t take no for an answer, but they all said it in a fit of rage in the middle of a heated argument.  
  
Not like this. Not like it’s a good thing. It’s always one of Jun’s flaws. Before this catfish, nobody painted that trait of him as something positive.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I’ve been told I don’t take no for an answer, yeah._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
That’s one of the things I find interesting about you.  
  
If you don’t mind me saying so._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
No. I don’t._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Feel free to tell me if I’m wrong, but…  
  
You’re not very good at receiving compliments, are you?_  
  
  
  
Jackpot. Why did this person have to say the right thing? Did he exist solely to make Jun’s life miserable? Because he’s succeeding, and Jun hates him all the more for it.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I’ve never been complimented on that aspect of personality before.  
  
I’ve been told I can be a bit too much. Many times.  
  
“Suffocating” was how someone put it before._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I’m very sorry you had to hear those words in that manner.  
  
Rest assured, I didn’t mean it like that.  
  
If anything, I only have good things to say about you since we started chatting._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
That will change._

  
  
  
Because I’m going to end your catfishing scam soon enough, Jun doesn’t say. This person has no idea what he’s dealing with.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Well.  
  
If it does, I’ll tell you. How’s that?_  
  
  
  
Fuck, he wasn’t expecting that. Now he’s the one trapped. Why did this catfish always have to pull an Uno Reverse card on him every time? It’s becoming a pattern and it’s infuriating.  
  
In a fit of despair, he types what he’s thinking and hits Send without looking back.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Why do you always say the opposite of what I think you will?_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Is that a bad thing?_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I can’t predict you. At all._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I assure you, it’s the same for me._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Do you want to?  
  
Predict me, I mean._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
I think, so far, I like you the way you are.  
  
If being unpredictable is part of that, it’s okay.  
  
That might change the longer we get to know one another._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
And if it changes?  
  
If I turn out to be boring and not reach your expectations, what then?_

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Honestly, I’m more terrified of boring you than you doing that to me.  
  
If we get there, we deal with it then. But until then, I’d rather not focus on it.  
  
I like talking to you. That should be enough._  
  
  
  
Jun absolutely hates him. Every fiber of his nonexistent being at that. The real Sakurai Sho is probably this good at talking, and he hates that this impersonator is very much on point. If he directs enough hatred for this catfish, will that accumulate enough negative energy and get karma moving? He doesn’t know.  
  
Worse, there’s a part of Jun that enjoys talking to this guy too. He’s actually sensible to converse with if Jun forgets that he’s a catfish, which is happening in increasing frequency that it’s beginning to alarm him. He’s going to be manipulated at this rate.  
  
Ancestors, give me strength, he thinks out of desperation. Surely the Matsumoto forefathers wouldn’t desert him in a time of great need.  
  
He types with eyes closed, hoping that might lessen the damage. (It doesn’t.)  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I like talking to you too._

  
  
  
I apologize to all the Matsumotos before me, he thinks miserably. He’s only human. A pathetic, weak excuse for one, at that. He has failed.  
  
Catfish-san wins this round. Again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, please assume that any fake Twitter account with International as a display name has tweeted stuff the Jun in this AU has NOT seen. That said, please expect that the next part will take me longer because, believe it or not, 1. I'm supposed to be reviewing, and 2. that shit is the longest part, rip.

**VI. The Push**  
  
“So you’re losing,” Nino declares when Jun comes over because he’s a sore loser and needs company. Nino’s beautiful wife graciously accepts him in their home and serves him Nino’s favorite hamburg steak, and it’s done so perfectly that Jun doesn’t hold himself back. “To your catfish.”  
  
“He’s not my catfish,” he protests weakly. Thankfully, Nino’s wife isn’t around to hear all this. She’s nice enough to let Jun unload his sorrows in private, even if Jun is the one who barged in their household unannounced.  
  
Nino holds out his hand. “Come on.”  
  
Jun hands over his phone without complaint, letting Nino activate Face Recognition by directing it towards Jun’s face before he checks the LINE thread.  
  
“Oh wow,” Nino says after a moment, which can’t be great. Anything that warrants Nino’s awe is often not a good thing. “You’re talking to this person every day.”  
  
“Say no more; I can’t bear to hear it,” Jun says.  
  
“And he’s really good at talking too,” Nino continues, because he’s a cheeky little man who has no care for Jun’s bruised ego. He’s here to enjoy the show, and that’s something Jun only realized belatedly. The disadvantage of having only two brain cells. “If this were any other guy, you probably have a new boyfriend now.”  
  
“I am Matsumoto Jun,” he declares with a fork pointing at Nino’s direction, “and I never heard a thing you just said.”  
  
“Chances of this guy being the real deal?” Nino asks unmercifully.  
  
Jun shuts his eyes. He doesn’t want to think about it.  
  
“Higher than my chances of finding someone, that’s what,” he admits in the end, utterly defeated.  
  
“With that face? J, you’re the only one who thinks you’re not worth anything because of what that asshole did to you,” Nino says. “And I get it. When something like that happens, we tend to blame ourselves. I mean, that’s how I thought of it when it happened to me: was it my fault? Did I do something that made them do that?”  
  
“I know I can be too much,” Jun mumbles.  
  
“And that’s why we’re bigger idiots than Toma,” Nino says. “It pains me to say it, but it took that guy yelling at me and saying it’s never the victim’s fault before I started seeing it differently. The point is, I know you’ve been hurt. It’s why I asked you the first time you told me about this if this was worth it. Because I know you. You decide on something, you charge towards it full speed. You’re unstoppable like that. I’ll always cheer you on, but that doesn’t mean I like seeing you like this.”  
  
“Pitiful? Pathetic? You can say it. I can take it,” Jun tells him.  
  
“I know you,” Nino says, eyes on him. “A part of you is thinking it might be him. And because I know you, you’re desperately killing that part. But how can you do that when he says things that make him seem human and not a caricature created to trick people?”  
  
“You’re not helping,” Jun says.  
  
“Ask for a goddamn selfie,” Nino says. “Right now.”  
  
Jun frowns. “No catfish is going to fall for that.”  
  
“So far, all your predictions regarding this catfish never came true,” Nino says. Then he does the one thing that causes Jun’s heart to lodge in his throat and sends Jun flying out of his seat from Nino’s dining table.  
  
Nino sends a message on LINE.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
We’ve been talking for a while now.  
  
You mind if I ask for a selfie?_

  
  
  
“What have you done?” Jun demands, aghast, trying to take his phone back from Nino, but Nino has quick hands thanks to years of his life spent on gaming consoles. He can pass for a pickpocket at this rate.  
  
“What you should have done a week or two ago,” Nino says, holding Jun’s phone out of Jun’s reach. “And he has already read it so you can’t take it back. And he’s typing.”  
  
“He’s going to say no because he’s a catfish,” Jun says. “And I think he’ll know it’s not me; I don’t talk like that.”  
  
“It’s fine, I didn’t use too many emojis or send a GIF like I normally would,” Nino assures him. “Oh, he’s typing. He’s still typing. Does he always take this long to respond?”  
  
The suspense will send Jun to a hospital. He can’t breathe. His trachea may have sealed itself out of horror. He can’t do this. Just say no, catfish, he pleads. Say no and end my suffering.  
  
His phone pings with a message, and Jun thinks he may have ceased breathing altogether.

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Sorry, I was at the elevator and I lost the service for a while.  
  
I’ll take a better one someday. [bowing emoji]  
  
[image attached]_

  
  
Nino hooks a finger midair and beckons him to come closer. “I haven’t scrolled yet so we can see it at the same time. I only saw the corner of the photo. Come here.”  
  
Jun grabs the sides of the table for support. “Was there something in that steak? My stomach feels funny.”  
  
“Don’t insult my wife’s cooking like that, coward. Where are your manners?” Nino says. “Come on. Rip off the band-aid and get it over with. What are you so afraid of?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Jun says quietly. Except he does. He knows better than anyone.  
  
The look on Nino’s face softens. “J. I will never lead you astray. You know that. Whatever I’m doing, it’s because you need intervention. Otherwise, I’d never take the initiative. You know me.”  
  
Jun sighs. He knows Nino won’t do that. It’s his own fault why this is happening, and Nino’s here anyway. Nino will never put him in danger.  
  
He moves to stand behind Nino and Nino raises the phone for both of them to see.  
  
“You ready?” Nino asks, smiling.  
  
“I hate you so much,” Jun says. “Your wife might become a widow tonight.”  
  
“If you murder me, no one will get those damn mechanical wings for a reasonable price,” Nino says. Then, without further warning, he scrolls.  
  
Oh.  
  
It’s Sakurai Sho, all right.  
  
Hair unstyled, face unshaven, wearing one of those white shirts with colorful pockets that he apparently likes so much, his face too close to the camera. Without makeup, Jun can see the marks that he has on his cheeks.  
  
“Close your mouth, Matsumoto, you’re more cultured than that,” Nino says without looking at him, switching apps to do a quick image search on Google.  
  
“Fuck you, I wasn’t gaping,” Jun counters, only for Nino to smile wider.  
  
“Have you seen this particular photo before?” Nino asks.  
  
Jun hasn’t. “He hasn’t posted anything for a while, just retweeting stuff from his fellow rappers in the industry.”  
  
“Because Google also hasn’t,” Nino says, showing him the dreaded search results.

  
  
 **All** Images Maps Shopping More

  
About 2 results (0.43 seconds)  
  
Image size:  
2688 x 1242

  
No other sizes of this image found.

  
Best guess for this image: **baby**  
  
  
  
Jun gapes while Nino doubles over in laughter, undoubtedly amused by Google’s best guess. Baby? Its best guess is a baby?  
  
The two results are practically useless too because they’re links to the Justin Bieber song of the same name, just on different sites. What the fuck. Jun is mind-blowingly numb as of the moment, rendered speechless by the incompetence of Google.  
  
“To be fair, Google isn’t foolproof,” Nino says when he gets over his amusement. “I once searched for a manga character whose name I had no idea about and its best guess was anime like I wasn’t aware of such a thing. But I’m telling you, I’m starting to think this guy isn’t a catfish at all.”  
  
“He can be a talented hacker, you know,” Jun points out. “That has happened lately in Hollywood. Celebrities getting their iClouds hacked and their nudes dumped on the internet for perverts to feast upon.”  
  
Nino gives him an incredulous look. “You think someone hacked Sakurai Sho in order to use his name in catfishing?”  
  
“Yes,” Jun affirms.  
  
“Someone has that much free time?” Nino asks.  
  
Jun directs his gaze at Nino, who immediately frowns. “Says the person who has finished five games this week.”  
  
Nino waves a finger in his direction. “That’s called multitasking. It’s different.” Then he starts typing and Jun panics, reaching out to swipe the phone from Nino’s stubby fingers except he’s too late, Nino has replied and the catfish has read the message.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
[heart emoji x 4]  
  
You’re very cute, Sho-kun._

  
  
  
“I never called him that!” Jun yells in mortification. He reaches for Nino’s neck but Nino’s got quick reflexes along with his equally quick hands and he manages to evade just in time.  
  
“Now you have,” Nino says. “I’m trying to help you.”  
  
“I’m going to kill you,” Jun promises, his phone safely back in his hands. “I never use a series of hearts.”  
  
“And now you have,” Nino says again, laughing. “I know you’re panicking because Google has failed you and you’re beginning to entertain the possibility of this guy not being a catfish, so calm the fuck down. This is the best way of baiting him. If you’re correct that this guy has taken elaborate measures and has managed to hack Sakurai Sho’s iCloud, he’s got a lot of charges against him once you finally expose him. I just nudged you towards the right direction, that’s all.”  
  
“At the expense of my dignity,” Jun says. “I never type like this. I’m not the type who spams with emojis.”  
  
“You sent him a string of the puppy dog eyes emojis a couple of weeks back,” Nino reminds him because that’s what a little shit like him does, “and it earned you a playlist. Who knows what the hearts will earn you this time?”  
  
“The demise of my shame,” Jun says, just as his phone pings with a reply.

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
You’re not drunk, are you?_

  
  
Jun shoots Nino an accusatory glare before he replies.  
  
“Tell him you are,” Nino says, like the devil on his shoulder. He might be Satan incarnate for all Jun knew. “Tell him you are because drunk texting your potential SO is something everyone has done.” Jun opens his mouth to protest but Nino beats him to it. “That’s preferable than admitting you aren’t and that a friend took your phone. That will break his trust.”  
  
For the lack of anything to say, Jun goes with the suggestion. “I hate you,” which earns him Nino’s giggle, muffled at the crook of his elbow.  
  
“You hate me because I’m making sense,” Nino says.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I might be. Sorry.  
  
But you’re really cute._

  
  
  
Nino pats his shoulder in a mocking gesture of comfort once he taps Send. “I’m proud of you, J. I really am.”  
  


  
_**Sho**  
  
Oh. You are too.  
  
I’d like to see the drunk Matsujun, if that’s okay._   
  


  
“Ah, fuck,” Jun hisses, slapping Nino’s arm for good measure. “You’re the absolute worst.”  
  
“You have no shortage of drunken selfies in your phone,” Nino says. “Use one of those.”  
  
“But—” Jun can’t believe what he’s about to say, “—I don’t want to lie.”  
  
The look on Nino’s face really tells him he’s fucked. “You’re the one who keeps insisting this guy is a catfish,” Nino points out unhelpfully.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“A catfish who is impersonating your favorite idol and is lying to you, you said.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“And you _don’t_ want to lie to him?”  
  
“I’m not like him,” Jun says defensively, his voice small. He’s so conflicted. He wishes for his phone to malfunction right now so he can be spared from all this.  
  
Nino exhales, exaggerated and loud. “Fine. Take a selfie. You’re blushing a bit; that should work.”  
  
“I’m not blushing,” Jun retorts, but he takes a selfie anyway, in his disheveled, sorry state, and sends it.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
[image attached]  
  
Sorry for the crappy lighting. There’s nothing better._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Oh. You’re red.  
  
You must be really pale.  
  
You’re so cute. Please drink in moderation._

  
  
Jun lets out a groan, purposefully long and helpless as Nino rubs his back. “He thinks I’m cute.”  
  
“You are cute,” Nino affirms. “Say thank you and concede defeat. I’ve paved the way, anyway. Next time, you can up the ante and ask for a meetup.”  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Thank you. I will._

  
  
  
“Apologies to your wife,” Jun says as he pockets his phone, and he shoots a menacing, feral grin at Nino’s questioning stare, “because I’m about to commit murder and she’s going to be a widow starting tonight.”  
  
Nino jumps out of reach and starts to flee, and Jun chases him around the apartment.  
  
\--  
  
 **VII. The Facts**  
  
Things that Jun is certain of:

  1. He is divulging more and more about his private life to the catfish because ninety percent of his impulse control is tied to his close friends and if they’re not around, he’s most likely swandiving towards the bad decision,
  2. The Sakurai Sho catfish likes three things on LINE: laughing emojis, audio messages in the form of piano pieces, and photos that give Jun a glimpse of what he’s doing. Jun has received photos of piano keys, half-eaten omurice meals with salads for a side dish, stacks of newspapers like it's supposed to mean something, and the occasional face reveals—half of which are duplicates of the real Sakurai Sho’s posts, and the other half from the hacked iCloud,
  3. He’s surprisingly not that bothered about the photos with the face because, for a catfish, that’s the one that he’s come to expect



Things that are up for debate:

  1. The catfish is succeeding and his resolve is weakening,
  2. There’s an entire folder in Jun’s camera roll dedicated to the catfish alone,
  3. The catfish gives excellent advice regarding Jun’s work problems and following most of it has earned Jun positive feedback from the staff.



Things that Jun is also certain of but can never and will never admit:

  1. There is a forty percent chance of the catfish not being a catfish at all and that’s terrifying to consider,
  2. His two brain cells have joined forces and decided to turn against him,
  3. He might be having feelings, please send help.



Fortunately for him, no one forces him to stomach any of these truths because while his friends can be jerks from time to time, they know him well enough and let him be an adult on his own. Shun still insists he needs supervision but he always successfully waves him off, until the time to tell them came because he can only divulge so much to Nino alone.  
  
“Essentially,” Toma says, and Jun doesn’t like that tone he’s using because he sounds like Akinator, “you’re letting yourself get fucked because of an internet troll.”  
  
It sounds twice as pathetic when put like that and Jun flings a cushion at Toma. Thankfully, there’s no shortage of cushions on Shun’s couch.  
  
“I didn’t think you could sink that low,” Toma says, his tone of concern being absolutely fake because he’s the biggest idiot among Jun’s friends.  
  
“I’m not invested,” Jun declares, slamming his glass of whiskey against the tabletop for emphasis. “You asked me what was going on with my life and I just told you.”  
  
“What if he isn’t a catfish, though?” Shun asks, and Jun hates how his heart rate decides to speed up at that—the treacherous, frail organ that it is. “Ever think of that?”  
  
“He can’t possibly be,” Jun says evenly that he’s impressed with how his voice managed to do that. He’s getting better at this. “Sho-san would never.”  
  
“Anyone can get lonely,” Toma adds unhelpfully, “especially people in the industry.”  
  
Jun turns to him. “And how would you know that? You’re a history teacher at the local high school and I know all your friends. You have no connections in the entertainment industry.”  
  
“I watch Tetsuko no Heya faithfully, all right?” Toma says. “Countless celebrities have said the same thing. I’m not as anal as you when it comes to these things so I don’t have a shortlist on hand, but I’m not making this up.”  
  
Shun pours a couple more shots for him. “Jun, do you want our opinion so far?”  
  
“So far?” Jun repeats.  
  
Shun hums thoughtfully, stroking his chin for effect. He’s always been the dramatic one. “You haven’t shown us the receipts you said you have.”  
  
Ah, that. Jun is thinking of withholding that because a part of him is dreading what these two idiots might say. But then he remembers that he lived past Nino’s comments and Nino has the sharpest tongue of all, and he lets out a breath.  
  
“I’m not showing you our LINE convo so forget it,” Jun says before he unlocks his phone. “But I have certain screenshots and some photos and that’s what you’re going to be looking at.”  
  
To Shun and Toma’s credit, they don’t throw any smartass comments at that, and Jun hands over the device in their waiting hands.  
  
For approximately five minutes, there is blissful silence. Jun doesn’t sneak a glance at the two because he knows they won’t pry into his other folders or switch apps. It’s the unspoken rule of their friendship that their privacy is their top priority.  
  
Then: “This guy is better than all your recent exes,” Toma says.  
  
Jun presses the glass of whiskey against his face, shutting his eyes. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. That’s like saying my taste is poor for having dated those people.”  
  
Shun shoves a hand over Toma’s mouth, effectively shutting him up. “Are you absolutely sure he is a catfish?”  
  
“Yes!” Jun half-yells, incredulous.  
  
“Even after this?” Shun asks, showing him the selfie that he received thanks to Nino’s intervention. “This is Sakurai Sho. I see this guy’s face on insurance billboards and in supermarkets; you can’t tell me I’m not going to recognize him if I see him.”  
  
“If your iCloud got hacked, the hacker is bound to have photos of you,” Jun tells him.  
  
Toma has successfully broken free out of Shun’s hold on him. A pity. “Tell me you have better proof other than these screenshots. Anything that totally proves the guy is a catfish indeed. Have you called him?”  
  
“No,” Jun says, taking a sip of his drink. “What if he’s tracking me? A hacker can do that, right? If I call him, he’s going to know where I live.”  
  
“This isn’t Anonymous you’re dealing with here, is what I’m telling you right now, Jun,” Shun says because he’s never on Jun’s side. He’s always on the same side as Jun’s backstabbing brain cells. “You have a screenshot that says you received an audio message from him. You couldn’t tell from that?”  
  
Jun sighs into his whiskey. “He never talks in those. All the audio messages are piano pieces.”  
  
He waits until it hits and savors the look on Shun and Toma’s faces—the genuine incredulity.  
  
“This guy’s been playing piano for you?” Toma asks after a moment.  
  
“Someday you will get a brain cell,” Jun tells him. “Yes. He plays for me when I ask him. What about it?”  
  
“If this were any other person, you already have a new boyfriend,” Shun says, and Jun lets out a groan.  
  
“Nino said the exact same thing,” he tells Shun. “I hate all of you.”  
  
“Ask him to sing for you,” Toma suggests. “Or rap, whichever you prefer. This guy has no idea at all that you know Sakurai Sho?”  
  
“None,” Jun says with confidence. If there’s one thing he’s prepared to bet his beloved bonsai in, it’s that. Catfish Sakurai probably thinks Jun doesn’t care for idols.  
  
“Ask him to sing,” Toma says again. “You of all people would recognize his voice, considering the number of times you’ve had wet dreams about it.”  
  
“Fuck you, I’m not hormonal,” Jun says, swatting at Toma’s knee which sends Toma to an exaggerated groan of pain. “I try not to be too demanding; it might scare him off.”  
  
“Jun, if this guy is playing piano for you, I’m starting to think he’s willing to do a lot of things for you,” Shun says, finishing his drink in one go. “Just so it’s on record: I do not think he is a catfish.”  
  
“Why are you always so against my beliefs?” Jun asks him, heartbroken. “Why are you that kind of friend? Do you know that when you do that, you’re leaving me stuck with this—” he gestures towards Toma, “—idiot?”  
  
Toma clicks his tongue repeatedly and shakes his head. “Nope. No, Matsumoto, you’re on your own this time because, like Shun, I’m going with not a catfish.”  
  
“Then who is he?!” Jun demands, swiping his phone from their hands. “If he’s not a catfish, who is he?”  
  
“Sakurai Sho,” Toma says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world and Jun is the complete idiot here, and Jun laughs, shrill and sarcastic.  
  
“You think Sakurai Sho—the face of insurance firms and countless endorsements—wasted his time talking to a nobody that he met on Tinder?”  
  
“You don’t know that,” Shun tells him. “You don’t know if he wasted his time. How long have you been talking to this guy?”  
  
“That’s exactly why I know,” Jun points out, closing his eyes as he tells the truth: “We’ve been chatting for almost four months now.”  
  
“Every day?” Shun asks, eyes wide. Toma is frozen beside him.  
  
“Yes?” Jun replies, and he frowns when Shun suddenly cradles his head like it’s gotten heavier. “Oi, are you judging me?” This is why he never showed them the LINE conversation thread with GodfatherSho.  
  
Shun looks at him forlornly, expression half-disappointed, half-disbelieving. “Almost four months and you never called him? If you’re so persistent in trying to prove this guy is a catfish, you should have done that like a month ago and called for a meetup this month. What happened to you? Why are you moving at a turtle’s pace? You don’t usually wait like this once you’ve decided on something.”  
  
Toma, who’s been quiet for a while, suddenly speaks up, and there’s no trace of amusement or mocking laughter in his eyes when he focuses on Jun. “You’re falling for him, aren’t you?”  
  
The world suddenly seems fuzzy, like time has warped itself and gravity decided not to work. Jun sits there unmoving, unsure of what to say or do. He never expected this to come out of Toma’s mouth, of all people. Ikuta Toma, the biggest imbecile in the universe, is the one who calls him out like this? The injustice.  
  
“Oh fuck,” Shun says when Jun’s silence has stretched for an uncomfortable amount on time, an exact mirror of Jun’s inner turmoil in two words. Impeccable timing. “Oh fuck, I should have known. All the people you fall for are shady in their own fucking ways. You never changed.”  
  
“The high school teacher was not shady,” Jun reminds them. “It was her student who had weird fantasies of winning a girl from an older guy.”  
  
“Jun, she literally had a budding relationship with said student while she was dating you so get your head out of your ass,” Shun says. “Clearly, I’m the only person here gifted with the ability to think. And we’re not talking about that. What are you planning to do? You’re fucked.”  
  
“Thanks for telling me that, I wasn’t aware,” Jun says flatly, offended. “Look, I think the situation is salvageable.”  
  
“Salvageable? How?” Toma asks, disbelieving. He never had faith in Jun’s choices—the traitor.  
  
“Because,” Jun says, “our theater’s latest production is finally complete.”  
  
“And what’s that got to do with anything?” Toma asks. “Congratulations, by the way. I hope the show’s successful.”  
  
“Thank you.” Jun takes a generous sip of his drink before he continues. “And to answer your question: I invited him to come and see Icarus.”  
  
Shun and Toma’s faces are too hilarious that he wishes he could take a photo of them, but he doesn’t want to spoil the moment. Not when he’s finally proving he’s got the upper hand after all, despite their judgments regarding his intelligence.  
  
“And,” he adds proudly, “here’s the best part: it’s on a Monday.”  
  
The two blink at him until Shun undoubtedly gets to the point first, expressed with a single, knowing “ _Ah._ ”  
  
Toma blinks in succession and Jun is tempted to smack him.  
  
“I take it back,” he tells Toma after a few seconds of nothing, “you will never get a brain cell. Fine. Sho-san has News Zero every Monday.”  
  
Toma’s mouth comically contorts to form an O, and Jun finally smacks him.  
  
“He’s yet to reply; probably because he’s trying to figure out how to. You see, the play is in Saitama. If he’s the real deal, he can never go. Not when he has to show up for Zero.” Jun smiles, smug and proud. “And if he does, well. I’ll have my proof that he is not who he says he is.”  
  
Shun leans back on the couch, shaking his head. He’s smiling too, which bodes well for Jun. “All right. I’ll drink to that.”  
  
Jun raises his glass. “To my catfish and their impending doom.”  
  
They clink their glasses and finish the shots in one go, collectively wincing at the burn.  
  
“If I pull this off successfully,” he begins, “my reward has to be the privilege of taking your third kid to Disneyland. I brought the first two already and I can’t break the chain.”  
  
“Sure,” Shun agrees. “If you pull it off.”  
  
“Are you still doubting me? I found a way to make him meet up with me,” Jun reminds him.  
  
“I’m still on the ‘not a catfish’ side despite that because I want to see your face when Sakurai Sho really turns up in Saitama,” Toma tells him. “I think it will make me laugh for days.”  
  
“We’ll see who’s laughing by the end of this month,” Jun assures them. “I’m sure I’ll have enough proof by then, just you two assholes wait.”  
  
The corresponding snicker he receives from the both of them still upsets him, and this time, he flings a cushion that hits both of them squarely in their annoying, drunk faces.  
  
Jun considers it a victory.  
  
\--  
  
 **VIII. The Fall**  
  
Considering the usual way Jun does things, Shun has a point when he said everything was progressing at a turtle’s pace. But in Jun’s defense, it took him a long while to be able to navigate around the catfish because he’s not actually an oblivious himbo like he makes himself out to be. Pretending is a challenge in itself. He’s not the one lying big time here.  
  
But four months is enough to ascertain that his catfish truly has no idea that Jun knows who Sakurai Sho is. In four months, Matsujun-san became Matsujun and Sakurai-san became Sho-kun (thanks to Nino’s intervention), and now Jun has four Shos to differentiate and he compartmentalizes by setting clear-cut boundaries in order to stay sane.  
  
The four Shos in Matsumoto Jun’s life:

  1. Sho-chan, his beloved son, the light of his life, the jewel of his mini garden veranda who always reminds him that spring will come no matter how harsh the winter seems to be,
  2. Sho-san, the signed poster he has on his bedroom wall that he got on eBay after successfully outbidding four Little Cherry Blossoms who all conceded defeat when Jun slapped another zero to seal the deal,
  3. Sakurai Sho, renowned idol, newscaster, and rapper, the guy whose music has somewhat saved Jun when he has his bad days and during his worst breakups, the face he sees in supermarkets and tries not to stare at when he adds another one of the brands the guy endorses straight to his basket, and finally,
  4. Catfish Sakurai, the bane of his existence, his archnemesis, otherwise known as GodfatherSho, godfathersakurai, and Sho-kun. Devil incarnate.



The worst part isn’t even having four Shos to acclimatize himself to. That was pretty easy.  
  
The worst part is falling for the last one anyway, despite knowing the truth.  
  
“I revoke your brain cells and leave you with none,” his Nino-voice subconscious chides him in the shower when he finally presses his forehead against the cool tiles and resigns himself to the truth. “You don’t use them anyway.”  
  
Jun’s misery actually began a couple of weeks ago; it only took him this long to realize it. He thinks it may have begun when the catfish sent him an audio message and has continued to do so at his request.  
  
Nobody goes the extra mile for Jun unless it’s work-related. The fact that the catfish does should have tipped him off, really, but he’s not always as smart as he projects himself to be.  
  
“You are an airhead,” Nino tells him one day, over the phone. “Didn’t you tell him to come and see the play? What did he say?”  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
My theater company has finished production and we’ll be having the premiere in Saitama.  
  
At the Arts Foundation.  
  
Will you come if I ask you to?_

  
_**Sho**  
  
Congratulations! I’m sure it’ll be a wonderful play.  
  
I will have to check my schedule. When is it showing?_   
  


_**Jun**  
  
I’d like for you to be there at the premiere, if possible.  
  
It’s on Monday. Two weeks from now.  
  
It will start at three in the afternoon._

  
_**Sho**  
  
I see. I will get back to you as soon as I can.  
  
If I go, will I see you there? You’re not performing, are you?_   
  


_**Jun**  
  
If you’re coming, just tell me._

  
_**Sho**  
  
You don’t check your LINE when you’re at work._   
  


_**Jun**  
  
I might, just for that day._

  
_**Sho**  
  
Do you want me to be there?_   
  


_**Jun**  
  
Yes.  
  
I invited you, didn’t I?_

  
_**Sho**  
  
But do you want to meet me?_   
  


_**Jun**  
  
What makes you think I don’t?_

  
_**Sho**  
  
Well, forgive me if I read it wrongly.  
  
If I have, please feel free to tell me.  
  
But we’ve been talking to one another for a while and you never really asked me for my number or tried to call me.  
  
The most you asked for were selfies.  
  
It gave me the impression that you didn’t want to meet me.  
  
Was I wrong in thinking that?_   
  


  
Here’s what Jun can never admit to anyone who is not himself: he is afraid of meeting the catfish. Because once he does, he’ll finally get the proof that he needs to expose this guy as a lying bastard with nothing better to do, and that all the kindness, the concerns, and the efforts he’s shown Jun were all done to trick him into believing that he is Sakurai Sho when he actually isn’t.  
  
And that hurts. Much as Jun hates it, he’s gotten attached because that’s what he does. He takes a while to open up, but once he does, he gives his all. He already showed a considerable side of himself to this catfish and he’s now invested, and to finally know the truth after everything just guts him.  
  
But he has to. It’s what he promised to do and what he’s been aiming for since he started this. He’s going to quit running away and accept that his catfish is a catfish and it’s all a part of an elaborate scam.  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Do you want to meet me?  
  
You never asked me for my number, either._

  
_**Sho**  
  
Because I don’t want to do anything that you might be uncomfortable with.  
  
I don’t want to scare you away.  
  
I don’t want you to stop speaking to me.  
  
So I’m good with what you want.  
  
Do you want me to be there so we can finally meet?_   
  


_**Jun**  
  
What makes you think I’ll stop talking to you once I meet you?_

  
  
  
Something is crushing inside his ribcage, making it difficult to breathe. Only a catfish would say something like that. Only a catfish would know how meetups will fuck things up.  
  
He’s done it. Matsumoto Jun has completely, stupidly fallen for his catfish despite telling himself repeatedly that he knows better (because he doesn’t). Having two brain cells has done this to him.  
  


  
_**Sho**  
  
[number card]  
  
This is my personal number. I can’t promise I’ll pick up whenever.  
  
But if I can, I will._

  
  
Jun can’t do this.  
  
He calls Nino and explains his predicament all in one breath.  
  
The “I told you so” and the “you are so stupid, J” that he expects don’t come. What comes instead is a prolonged exhale and Jun can feel the sheer disappointment in that one breath.  
  
“I’ll get over it,” he follows up immediately. “You said it, right? Rip off the band-aid quickly. I’m doing that. If he comes on that Monday, I’ll know. I’ll finally know. The sooner I’ll know, the sooner I can move on.”  
  
“Jun-kun,” Nino says softly, gently. It hurts. Jun thought he couldn’t sink lower but here he is: at the very bottom of what’s beyond rock bottom because if there’s one thing only he can do, it’s outdoing himself in every aspect of his life. Apparently, he can defy expectations and get to his lowest. “Have you called him?”  
  
“No,” he says. “I don’t know what to do.”  
  
“Then don’t do anything,” Nino says. “If calling him will only make you more miserable, don’t do it. It’s not worth it. Wait for Monday. I’ll be there with you like I promised. You don’t have to face him alone.”  
  
“If he comes at all,” Jun says.  
  
“And if he turns out to be a catfish for real, I will end him,” Nino says.  
  
“What if he’s built like a bouncer? The two of us can’t take him,” Jun points out.  
  
Nino shrugs. “That’s what security is for. Whatever happens on that day, I’ll be right beside you.”  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
[number card]  
  
Feel free to contact me two weeks from now._

  
  
\--  
  
 **IX. The Man, Part Two**  
  
The premiere for Icarus comes on a chilly Monday in Saitama. The troupe’s sales are going great so far; it had been Tackey’s idea to start selling merchandise for the first run of this particular play and the uchiwas with Shori’s face on it are selling like hotcakes.  
  
“I can’t wait for my ‘sexy thank you’ to be on stuff like this,” Kento comments, and Jun pretends not to hear it.  
  
He’s nervous for another reason entirely; he can’t stop fidgeting whenever he remembers that it’s today. Everyone around him thinks it’s just his usual during the first day of their shows, but instead of the critique he’s bound to read online after today’s premiere, he’s worried about the possibility of his catfish showing up.  
  
In the two weeks since he’s gotten the catfish’s number, they never exchanged a call. All their conversations are still on LINE, and Jun didn’t have the courage to ask if his catfish can make it today. He probably can’t. Sakurai Sho has News Zero and it’s common knowledge that when he has Zero, he spends hours before the airtime in the NTV building.  
  
For the lack of anything better to do, Jun logs on to Twitter to pass the time and calm his nerves.

  
  
**Sakurai Sho ✔** @sakuraisho_twt  
  
Hey, everybody, omatase! Clear skies today here in Tokyo, but do you guys think it will rain anyway?  
  
I may have an announcement after a few days. Stay tuned.

  
**Little Cherry Blossoms Co.** @littlecherriesunited  
  
@sakurasho_twt good morning sho-san! please be sure to bring your umbrella either way! and omg, we can’t wait!!!!

  
  
**daddy cherry for life** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
@sakuraisho_twt YAAASSS IS IT A NEW SONG DADDY END ME

**since 2003** @ss_fan_0125  
  
@cherryshokointhesky omg you did not just call him daddy like that [crying emoji]

**daddy cherry for life** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
@ss_fan_0125  
  
[maybe so.gif]

**_View 238 replies_ **

  
  
The Little Cherry Blossoms fandom has a particular big-name fan who runs the biggest fan account on Twitter, @littlecherriesunited. Sadly, Jun isn’t one of the admins. But then again, he’s not a Little Cherry. He hardly interacts with Sakurai Sho’s official twitter account. He settles for liking the guy’s tweets and bookmarking some.  
  
But like every fan, sometimes, he can’t help himself. Not when there’s a heads up about an announcement.  
  


  
 **jun. m** @thisisMJ  
  
@sakuraisho_twt Looking forward to it. [sparkle emoji]  
  


  
If Sakurai Sho is releasing a new song just like what the thirsty Little Cherry in Jun’s timeline has been hoping for, he can’t come to Saitama. Jun is a mess right now; a part of him is relieved that he’s been correct all along and that’s the sensible, responsible adult part.  
  
Then there’s the part that’s a little sad for reasons he himself can’t understand. Sad because what? He never expected for his catfish to be the real deal. He doesn’t understand what he’s upset about. All he knows is that he is.  
  
The dreaded hour comes and the curtain call arrives, and Jun, like everyone else in the staff, does his job. He watches the lights closely, grateful that the staff manning the backstage isn’t missing a queue. The play has a duration of almost three hours, and he’s glad for the distraction.  
  
For three hours, he actually forgets about the catfish.  
  
Until they send him a message on LINE, some three, almost four hours later when half the audience has left the hall and the troupe is starting to pack up.  
  


  
_**Sho**  
  
[image attached]  
  
It was lovely, Matsujun. I was seated at the far back, but I enjoyed the show.  
  
I see you’ve found a way to make the wires appear less noticeable.  
  
I thought one of the actors might fall on me. [laughing emoji]  
  
Thank you for your hard work. Please do your best for the subsequent days as well.  
  
P.S. If you’d like a more detailed review, I’m afraid it’ll have to wait._

  
  
It’s a photo of the ticket stub for today’s stage play along with the play’s pamphlet. The corner of the pic has a shot of the catfish’s fingers, half-covered by his sleeve. Jun stares at it for a few seconds, frozen, until he realizes he needs to get Nino—now.  
  
“He was here,” is the only thing he managed to say before Nino’s taking liberties and grabbing his phone from him.  
  
“Did you meet him?” Nino asks, casting a wary glance in his direction. They’re backstage, and the staff is too busy arranging the costumes for tomorrow to notice them.  
  
“No,” Jun says. “He didn’t even tell me he was coming.”  
  
“Then how did you know he was here? He could’ve just purchased a ticket and left.”  
  
“The wiring,” is all Jun says.  
  
Nino focuses on his phone again before he says, a little too quiet, “Ah.”  
  
“I never told anyone that,” Jun says. “No one outside the troupe, I mean. Except for him. He can’t know unless he saw himself. He was here. Did you notice anyone—”  
  
“Like Sakurai Sho himself coming through the doors?” Nino finishes for him. “That would have caused an uproar that even you would have noticed. Do you want to check the CCTVs now? If he came, he probably went under a disguise. You’ll never find him.”  
  
“You think it’s him?” Jun asks, checking his watch. It’s almost seven in the evening. “No. He’s got Zero for tonight. He can’t. It’s the rush hour, too. The traffic will make it impossible for him to return to Tokyo on time. It’s not him.”  
  
“Aside from the Little Cherry knowledge about Sakurai Sho’s weekly schedule, do you have anything else that can help confirm the identity of this catfish?” Nino asks.  
  
“Oh yeah,” Jun says confidently, laughing despite today’s development. “If Sakurai Sho shows up in News Zero tonight, that’s the proof. He can’t make the trip without being late, after all. If he shows up, it means he was never in Saitama.”  
  
“Well, I guess you know better because you’re the Little Cherry,” Nino says, patting his shoulder. “I take it you’re not coming to the celebratory dinner Tackey’s hosting, then? You’re going to go back to Tokyo right now and stay perched right in front of your TV?”  
  
“Actually,” Jun says, “I’m coming. That’s what Twitter is for, anyway. Everyone posts screenshots and videos of him every Monday without fail. The tweets will serve as the perfect proof.”  
  
Because they still have upcoming shows, they only drink beer during the dinner. But if there’s one thing that can cheer Jun up instantly, it’s the promise of company. Not even his dismal chances at having a decent love life can sour the celebratory mood: the production is a success, evidenced by the positive, preliminary reviews. Special attention was given by critics on how they pulled off the flight scenes, and everyone is singing Jun their own versions of praise now, feeding that chasm inside Jun that thrives off validation without Jun prompting for it.  
  
It’s a good night. And when he checks Twitter in the middle of it, while Kento’s doing variations of his sexy catchphrase to make everyone laugh, he finally sees the fruits of his labor.

  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms Co.** @littlecherriesunited  
  
sho-san for tonight’s zero! his purple tie is so cute! and did he dye his hair again? [eyes emoji]  
  
[image attached]

  
  
**bellybutton piercing come back** @illgoyoujustwait  
  
can’t wait for udo-san to impromptu interview him again, plz ask about daddy cherry’s cryptic tweet from his morning and i will give you my firstborn, udo-san come thru

  
  
**(｀･З･´)♥** @bbqnifeelinggood  
  
i think he dyed his hair again omg [sad face emoji] i was vibing with the black hair but okay, still cute

  
  
**daddy cherry for life** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
daddy cherry can k-word me with that tie just saying

  
  
**_View 26 replies_ **

He elbows Nino and shows him the tweets, hiding a small, sad smile behind his can of beer. Of course it’s not Sakurai Sho. It’s a catfish. He’s been saying that from the beginning.  
  
He can’t explain why it stings, though. As if he has any right to feel that way. All those late-night conversations and glimpses into their lives—none of it was ever real.  
  
“Do you want to talk about it?” Nino asks after a moment.  
  
“No,” Jun says honestly. He’s done this to himself. He’ll get through it on his own. “I’ll be okay.”  
  
That’s how it’s always been. Matsumoto Jun is a grown man and he can take care of himself. He can take whatever life throws at him because he has to, and this is just one of those things.  
  
When this is all over, he promises to find someone else. Someone better, someone worth all of it, someone to share both the good and bad days with. This is the last time he’ll do something like this.  
  
He doesn’t glance at his phone for the rest of the night, and if his Twitter timeline loses its shit over Sakurai Sho, well. He can use a break and catch up some time, maybe. Maybe after a week or two.  
  
Just not tonight.  
  
Tonight, he tries to forget about Sakurai Sho entirely.  
  
\--  
  
 **X. The Catch**  
  


**Little Cherry Blossoms International FC** @littlecherryintl  
  
[news zero translation]  
udo-san: sakurai-san, have you seen any movies recently?  
sho: ah, aside from remember me, i haven’t seen any lately.  
udo-san: i see. you must be busy. i’ve read your tweet this morning.  
sho: yes, that. i have seen a stageplay, though.  
udo-san: recently?  
sho: yes.  
  
[video attached, from Little Cherry Blossoms Co., 0:45]

  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms International FC** @littlecherryintl  
  
[cont]  
udo-san: how was it?  
sho: it was amazing. i’ve never seen anything as imaginative before.  
sho: i can’t say anything more, can i? LOL

  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms International FC** @littlecherryintl  
  
pardon any mistakes in the translation if there are any, please feel free to point them out! btw, remember me is the japanese title for coco. i wonder if sho-san liked coco?  
  


  
**_View 7 replies_ **


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually ya know what here's all of it. ;)
> 
> Warnings for mentions of dysfunctional, toxic relationships, bad decisions, and alcohol. The bits about the toxic relationships are not very detailed, but they're there. And all tags apply now; the rating goes up the moment you reach number 10 on a particular list. Please be warned.

**XI. The Catfish, Part Two**  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Sorry if I’m disturbing you from your work.  
  
But I just wanted to tell you what I thought of the play as a whole.  
  
I’m sure my opinion matters less compared to the critics, though.  
  
[laughing emoji] Anyway. Um.  
  
I think this new version is very imaginative and fresh.  
  
I especially enjoyed how you executed the flight scenes. Was that how you envisioned them? They worked perfectly.  
  
But aside from that, I really liked how Daedalus’ grief was shown at the end.  
  
Not a lot of adaptations show that and that particular scene resonated with me.  
  
It’s okay if you can’t respond now. You must be very busy.  
  
Please do your best for the upcoming shows as well._  
  
  
  
Jun has entirely immersed himself in his work that he breathes it, and by the time he finds the heart to open those string of messages, it’s been four days since they were sent. Only then that he remembers that there’s a Sakurai Sho catfish who still sends him messages to keep up with the act, when ghosting him would probably be the wiser choice.  
  
He feels like he can start a betting pool on who’s the bigger fool: the catfish or him.  
  
He waits for three days more before he replies. It’s not much, really. But it’s only after a week since the play’s premiere that Jun has finally found the strength to play along once more.  
  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Hello._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Hello. I was afraid I’ve done it and spooked you finally.  
  
Or have I?_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I’ve been busy. We made a couple of adjustments to the stage.  
  
If you were coming, you should have told me.  
  
Sorry for leaving you on read._

  
_**Sho**  
  
I didn’t know I could actually make it until I did.  
  
I didn’t want to disturb you during the show, I’m sorry.  
  
And it’s no problem. You’re not obligated to reply.  
  
I hope you’re not overworked. Please take care of yourself._  
  
  
  
The thing Jun wants right now is a genie. Hypothetically, if he gets one, the three wishes he has for it are as follows:

  1. The true identity of his catfish
  2. His type in human form, willing to stay and compromise even when he’s being unreasonable—an actual human and not an impersonator
  3. The genie’s freedom, maybe. He can pull an Aladdin if it entails ending his misery for good.



Instead what he has is a catfish that’s still pretending despite his elaborate ruse already becoming obvious. Just because Jun took a short break from actively following Sakurai Sho’s online presence and fanbase doesn’t mean he’ll fall for it again. He’s learned his lesson. He’s stronger now after letting everything gel and settle down in their own time.  
  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I’m doing fine, thank you.  
  
Thank you for telling me what you thought of it.  
  
You’ve been very kind._

  
  
  
It doesn’t sound like him. He knows that. He’s too civil. But if he wants to stay sane throughout this, he has to start distancing himself from this guy before it’s too late. He can’t possibly fuck up any more than he already has; there has to be a limit to how low two-brain-celled Matsumoto Jun can go. Even Toma is smarter than this and Jun cringes at the mere thought of it.  
  
Toma? Smarter than him? That guy would eat a shoe on a dare.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
If it’s all right, I’d like to ask for your opinion on something._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I don’t mind, but are you sure I’m the right person for it?_

  
_**Sho**  
  
Actually, I can’t think of anyone else to ask.  
  
What do you think of this?  
  
[audio message, 0:57]_  
  
  
  
Jun makes sure he’s far from his yelling neighbors when he presses Play. It’s a song. His catfish did say he was writing songs before asking Jun to pretend that he didn’t divulge that. It’s a song and it’s very crude, perhaps a demo. But the melody is unfamiliar, and when a voice starts singing, Jun replays the message three more times just to be sure he’s not hearing what he wants to hear.  
  
It’s not Sakurai Sho. He’ll recognize Sakurai Sho’s voice even when drunk. The one who sings is unfamiliar and the song itself is unfamiliar too, and it’s the hard, cold truth that Jun needs.  
  
This person is someone else. Someone who’s still pretending to be Sakurai Sho, using his face and his identity for clout, perhaps. Maybe this guy is an unsuccessful composer desperate to save his dwindling career.  
  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Was that you singing?_

_**Sho**  
  
It can be. What do you think?_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I like the beat. It’s something I will sing along to if I’m driving, I guess.  
  
But the lyrics are a little sad.  
  
What’s the song called?_

  
_**Sho**  
  
Sugar and salt, though that’s subject to change.  
  
A little sad, huh. I did write them with myself in mind._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I mean, this is me judging it from the chorus.  
  
I can’t wait for the full song once you finish it.  
  
Will you let me hear that as well?_

  
_**Sho**  
  
Maybe. We’ll see.  
  
Thank you for your feedback._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
No problem._

  
  
  
  
To his catfish’s credit, it’s not a bad song. Jun wasn’t lying when he sent those messages; it’s really something he can imagine himself humming along to during a rainy day. Whoever his catfish may be, they seem to have captured Jun’s taste in music. That, or they’re just relying on what Sakurai Sho might like, which worked to their advantage because Jun happens to like Sakurai Sho’s music too.  
  
But the voice isn’t Sakurai Sho, and that’s another proof. He takes it as a stepping stone to moving on, feeling his hatred for the guy resurfacing in full force: did they really think they can pull off impersonating a top idol so perfectly? The truth will reveal itself in time as it always does.  
  
There are no further messages after that, and Jun opens Twitter to catch up on his friends’ lives that he inconveniently missed thanks to the unplanned social media hiatus that he took for a couple of days.  
  
  
  
**ikuta, the handsome one** @ikuta_tomato  
  
[surfing emoji x 5]  
  
[image attached]  
  
  
  
**eiji** @iwentztobreakfree  
  
@ikuta_tomato I hope you fall off your board and go missing [devil emoji]  
  
  
  
**shun o.** @oguri122682  
  
@ikuta_tomato yuu says hi  
  
  
  
Those tweets make Jun smile because at least, the idiots are still idiots. Not even the apocalypse can change the mentality of his circle of friends. He hits the like for Toma’s tweet and scrolls further, to a picspam of Sakurai Sho in News Zero for the past month from the big-name Little Cherry Blossom fan account and hits the like for that one too.  
  
Because even if someone is using Sakurai Sho in ways Jun can never accept, Jun can’t find it in him to hate _the_ Sakurai Sho. The guy is nothing like the one catfishing Jun at present. The guy is pristine, respectable, handsome, and intelligent. He’s the type who goes to Fukushima every year to check up on the site itself and the people affected the most by the earthquake. He’ll never do something as despicable as catfishing someone.  
  
And, of course, there’s a part of Jun that will always stay attracted to Sakurai Sho even if Sakurai Sho himself is being used against him. That’s just how it is.  
  
He gets a notification alert for Sakurai Sho’s official twitter tweeting something and scrolls back up as his timeline refreshes itself.  
  


  
  
**Sakurai Sho ✔** @sakuraisho_twt  
  
What’s up, party people?  
  
I’m proud to announce that after a series of discussions, the dates have been finalized! Please refer to the photo below for the tour dates and ticket prices, and I hope I’ll see you on #TheShow2020.  
  
[image attached]  
  


  
  
His app alerts him to fifteen new tweets, and as expected, it’s the Little Cherry Blossom fandom having another meltdown. Why wouldn’t they? Even Jun can’t quite believe it: a Sakurai Sho solo concert. It’s been years since the last one and he has resigned himself to digital releases and the occasional PVs if the schedule works, but otherwise, it’s almost always Zero.  
  


  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms Co.** @littlecherriesunited  
  
@sakuraisho_twt OMG SHO-SAN [crying emoji x 7]  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry ON TOUR** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
@sakuraisho_twt call me old fashioned but i was raised to serve my man yes i do the cooking i do the cleaning  
  
  
  
**(｀･З･´)♥** @bbqnifeelinggood  
  
omg that was what the hair dye meant [crying emoji] brb about to fight for those tickets #TheShow2020  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry ON TOUR** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
IF GOD ISN’T REAL THEN EXPLAIN THIS ATHEISTS: DADDY CHERRY BLOSSOM TOUR 2020 AKA THE SHOW #TheShow2020  
  
  
  
**since 2003** @ss_fan_0125  
  
Un-Follow Me Now, This Is Gonna Be the Only Thing I Tweet About For The Next Week. Ive Wanted This For Years Fuck. What The Fuck. #TheShow2020  
  
  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms Co.** @littlecherriesunited  
  
@sakuraisho_twt sho-san will there be new songs? have you been working on those for a while? [starry eyes emoji] so excited!!!  
  
  
  
**Sakurai Sho ✔** @sakuraisho_twt  
  
@littlecherriesunited [winking emoji]  
  
  
  
**bellybutton piercing come back** @illgoyoujustwait  
  
BTICH HE DID NOT JUST TEASE US WITH A NEW SONG?????? OR SONGS???? NINE-ONE-ONE  
  
[hyperventilating.gif]  
  


  
  
The good thing about having people younger than him in the same fandom? They can express Jun’s feelings accurately and encompass the entirety of it, including the things he will never say out loud.  
  
He needs to sit down. He’s glad he’s alone at home while this is all happening. What a welcome for him after he took a break.  
  
He settles on his bed and makes himself comfortable while checking the tour dates. A Saturday and a Sunday next week, then a week after that, all held at the Budoukan. Considering his fanbase, it’ll be a fight to get a ticket. The photo even has the schedule for the sales of digital tickets, giving all his fans the equal opportunity of getting one since Sakurai Sho has no official fan club despite people demanding for it. Jun respects him for that, for not monopolizing and profiting off his fans when he certainly can. It’s why Jun is still a fan despite his age.  
  
The troupe has no shows on a Sunday. If Jun puts his mind to it, he can probably get a ticket.  
  
But he hesitates. If this was five months ago, he’ll be all geared up and ready to fight the Little Cherries for those tickets. Like them, he’s been wishing for a concert for the longest time.  
  
But five months later, he’s deeply immersed in the Sakurai Sho catfish’s identity. And that fucks him up; he can’t tell what he wants when he usually knows that right away. Jun is not an indecisive person, nor is he easily influenced. But due to recent developments in his nonexistent love life, there are now complications.  
  
He’ll be a damn fool to turn down the opportunity of seeing Sakurai Sho perform live. He can give that to himself. It can be his reward after everything he’s going through. He doesn’t even understand why he hesitates over this: it’s Sakurai Sho.  
  
The catfish really fucked him up.  
  
He puts a reminder on his phone regarding the schedule of ticket sales and calls it a night. Tomorrow, he’ll tell Nino everything. And if Nino asks to come along, he’ll book two tickets and get it over with. A Sakurai Sho solo concert might just be the key to finally ending to this catfish, after all. If Jun puts his back into it, he will undoubtedly come up with something he can do to obliterate this catfish for good.  
  
As he deserves. Retribution is finally within Jun’s grasp.  
  
His mind made up, Jun saves the date. He’ll aim for the first Sunday.  
  
\--  
  
**XII. The Show**  
  
Fighting for the tickets is not a problem when he has Nino on his side: Nino has the quickest fingers known to man, and with him doing the purchase for Jun for the first Sunday of the show, the tickets are as good as theirs.  
  
“Are you sure you want me there?” Nino asks while they’re both waiting for the transaction to be completed. The server keeps crashing, but after a couple of tries, Nino has finally gotten in and managed to reserve two tickets. All that’s left to do is to pay for them. “We can still sell my ticket if you change your mind.”  
  
“Don’t you dare become a scalper. It’s his solo concert after a long time,” Jun warns. “I don’t care if you feel like dissing his music, Nino. I need you there. I need a witness when I finally set my plans in motion.”  
  
“Say you’ve done it. Say you’ve accomplished and got what you wanted. After exposing this catfish, you’ll walk away, just like that? Never mind your feelings?” Nino shoots him a concerned look and it almost gives him hives. “You think you’ll be all right?”  
  
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t wound my pride just now,” Jun says. “I’ll be fine. I’m doing fine now, believe it or not.” Whatever residual feelings he may still have can be discarded once he pulls off what he has in mind.  
  
The plan that Jun spent three sleepless nights thinking of is this: right in the middle of the show, while Sakurai Sho himself is performing whatever new music he has for his fans, Jun will finally use the catfish’s number and drop him a line. Jun’s planning to record the call too, because if the guy responds (and he will), Jun’s got him. He’s going to call him out on the spot and hold the phone away from him so the catfish can hear Sakurai Sho’s voice from the speakers, bass-boosted.  
  
It’s foolproof. There are no holes in it and Jun is proud of himself.  
  
“And how am I supposed to corroborate your story once you release it online? I don’t have a Twitter account,” Nino says.  
  
“I’ll think about that once I have what I need,” Jun says, waving his hand in dismissal. “Do you have the tickets?”  
  
“Yeah,” Nino says, handing him his phone where Transaction Completed with a big green check is flashed on the screen. “There should be a confirmation email of some sort in a few minutes.” Nino gives him this concerned look that reminds Jun that Nino is older than him. “You sure you’re up for this, J? You’re practically about to break your own heart here.”  
  
Of course he would know. Nino knows everything. All it takes is one look and he knows exactly how Jun feels.  
  
“Yeah,” Jun says anyway, with false confidence and bravado that he hopes he can have someday. “This might be the closure I need to move on. It’s been too long.”  
  
Nino says nothing more, and he doesn’t need to. Jun thinks there’s nothing else either of them can do.  
  
The days before that particular Sunday blend together because Jun obsessively focuses on what else he can improve on the show. They’re going to switch venues for the second leg of the play, from Saitama Arts Foundation to Aoyama Theater back in Tokyo, and being himself, he definitely wants the perfect show for the Tokyo performances.  
  
That’s not saying they had poor performances in Saitama; the reviews are overwhelmingly positive so far. But Tokyo critics are harsher and more difficult to please, and with Jun having an onslaught of new ideas each time he comes across a tweet or two from the audience when lurking on Twitter, there’s so much he wants to improve upon.  
  
His persistence and perseverance is nothing new to the staff and to the rest of colleagues; they all know that once Jun is on Producer Mode, he’s going to continuously challenge what he can create until he has exhausted all the means available to him or he has satisfied his astronomical standards of perfection. Whichever comes first.  
  
As for the catfish, Jun plays along. He only has a few days left of pretending, after all. Catfish-san appears to be oblivious to whatever Jun is plotting, so Jun is left desperately attempting to squash whatever pity he has for the guy.  
  
This is a lying, scheming, good-for-nothing catfish, he tells himself repeatedly, ignoring the afterthoughts of “but he’s nice,” and “he plays piano for us when he can’t sleep” because his brain is an unreliable, incompetent organ when it comes to his love life.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
Sorry for the delayed responses lately, I’ve been busy.  
  
I never asked before because it never came up.  
  
But what do you think of hip hop music? Or rap, for that matter._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I like listening to it when I work out. [flexing emoji]_

  
_**Sho**  
  
Oh. That makes sense.  
  
Would you listen to it voluntarily though?  
  
You did mention before that you went to a jazz concert.  
  
Would you voluntarily go to a hip hop concert or that’s not your thing?_  
  
  
  
This, Jun admits, is quite fishy. The timing only adds to its shadiness. He knows he has to tread carefully; if he scares the catfish away now, his plans on Sunday will be ruined.  
  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
I think that depends if I have the time for it.  
  
Why are you suddenly asking me this?_

  
_**Sho**  
  
I was just wondering._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Sho-kun._

  
_**Sho**  
  
[hiding rabbit sticker]_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Come on, tell me._

  
  
_**Sho**  
  
[hiding rabbit sticker]  
  
For how long is your troupe performing the play again?_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Until this Friday in Saitama.  
  
Then we’re moving to Aoyama theater for the following month.  
  
Why?_

  
_**Sho**  
  
Next month.  
  
Matsujun._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
???_

  
_**Sho**  
  
In the next two weeks, do you have time free?_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Oh? [eyes emoji]  
  
Sho-kun, do you finally want to meet me?  
  
[blushing emoji x 3]_

  
_**Sho**  
  
Something like that. You can say no, if you want.  
  
I’ll tell you sometime in two weeks. How’s that?_  
  


_**Jun**  
  
[hands over eyes emoji]  
  
I told you I don’t like surprises._

  
_**Sho**  
  
There are still some things I have to fix in order to make it work.  
  
But I’ll tell you. I promise I’ll tell you. No surprises._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Two weeks from now?_

  
_**Sho**  
  
Yes._  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Okay. I will hold you to that._

  
  
  
  
Sunday comes in the form of a jam-packed entrance at the Budoukan and a disgruntled Nino, who hates leaving his house to mingle with people but Jun ignores him in favor of readjusting his face mask and his hat, his pair of trusty, tinted glasses hiding the rest of his face. To their far left is a merchandise booth, and Jun hears a groan escape from Nino.  
  
“What’s wrong? We’re not queuing,” Jun tells him. He plans to purchase them on another day so the lines will be shorter. It’s been too long since he’s had his own Sakurai Sho goods; the man’s talent agency isn’t selling these things unless Sakurai Sho does something related to the idol genre. He can’t imagine NTV selling lightsticks that play the News Zero theme.  
  
“You’re not,” Nino says, earning Jun’s frown. “I am. The wife wants an uchiwa.”  
  
That makes Jun laugh; he wasn’t expecting that. “What for? I didn’t take her for the uchiwa type.”  
  
“There are jumbo uchiwas and she wants one so when she grills something at the rooftop it will fan the coals more effectively,” Nino explains, and Jun cackles. “Also because she thinks Sakurai looks refreshing enough. It’s her mom who’s a huge fan, really. She’s just a casual one.” Nino gives him a sidelong look. “Can’t say the same for you.”  
  
“Shut up,” Jun chides him, elbowing his side. “You can queue later. They’re starting to let people in.”  
  
Nino thankfully doesn’t comment, and they manage to get arena seats by some stroke of luck. Jun keeps his excitement in check; he’s here for two things: to enjoy the show as he sees Sakurai Sho up close, and to use his closeness to the stage to his advantage.  
  
He takes note of the stage design and the lights arrangement, even where the speakers are placed. He can’t help it. Though it’s impossible for the troupe to perform in a venue like this, he can definitely learn a thing or two from professional stage directors and producers. This is their work here. And considering how much Sakurai Sho’s fans have missed seeing him perform on stage, Jun suspects this has to have taken an intense amount of planning and effort.  
  
He’s expecting it to be good.  
  
“When are you planning to call the catfish?” Nino asks when final reminders are given through the speakers regarding the proper decorum and where the exits are located. “If you forget, we came here for nothing.”  
  
“What makes you think I’ll forget? I’m not that incompetent.”  
  
“You’re a Little Cherry, J. When Daddy Cherry pops up, who knows what you guys will do.”  
  
“Don’t call him that,” Jun says, looking away. “And I plan to call the catfish at the height of the entire thing.”  
  
“Phones aren’t allowed,” Nino says, pointing at the speakers that are repeating the reminders.  
  
“We’ve literally had people take calls during our shows,” Jun says. “I can pull it off once it’s dark enough, you’ll see.”  
  
The lights suddenly go out, earning the cheers of everyone around them. Jun missed watching something like this; sometimes he gets too absorbed in producing their own shows that he forgets to watch shows done by others as well. He pays close attention to the lighting, at least before the screen begins showing a series of backstage footage, on how the show itself came to be.  
  
There are clips of Sakurai Sho in casual clothes, playing the piano. That makes something twist in Jun’s gut, and he realizes it’s because he never really imagined the catfish to possess another face aside from Sakurai Sho’s. How was he supposed to see who they are when they never revealed themselves and continued using Sakurai Sho’s face?  
  
He’s seeing things that aren’t there, and it only makes him feel more sorry for himself. He’s in this situation because he allowed it to continue for so long. Everyone around him is busy yelling at the top of their lungs, and he would have been enjoying this show as much as them if only he isn’t feeling so trapped.  
  
For five, almost six months, he’s been talking to someone claiming to be Sakurai Sho. And while he kept telling himself that can’t be true, it’s still jarring to see proof that it isn’t and it will never be. Here’s Sakurai Sho post-News Zero, smiling at the camera that ambushes him as he tries to loosen his tie. Here’s Sakurai Sho recording new songs at a booth and making mistakes. Here’s Sakurai Sho writing lyrics, a pencil twirling in between his fingers. Here’s Sakurai Sho consulting with Verbal-san and laughing at something inaudible.  
  
Sakurai Sho. The idol, the newscaster, the rapper, the lyricist. The face that haunted Jun for nearly half a year. The face that Jun imagines when he listens to the audio messages anyway, because there’s no one else to imagine.  
  
Sakurai Sho. Sakurai Sho. Sakurai Sho. Here’s Sakurai Sho, the stage seems to say at him, flashing footage upon footage of the man’s laughing face, his serious expression, his dedication. Here’s him learning choreography for a song he might perform tonight. Here’s him right in front of you, just out of reach.  
  
What kind of fucked up brain do I have, Jun thinks, that for a time, I actually thought it’d be him?  
  
Sakurai Sho stands in the middle of the stage now, and amidst the screaming, Jun wants to add his own for another reason entirely. Here’s the proof. To his right, he knows Nino is looking at him and simply knows. While everyone is too busy calling out Sakurai Sho’s name, he can pull out of his phone and get it over with.  
  
It’s strange that the end is so close and yet Jun doesn’t want to make the jump. Not yet.  
  
He looks at Nino and hopes Nino understands, and maybe Nino does because Nino turns away from him and focuses back on the stage. He’ll do it. Jun has to do it; there will never be a time like this.  
  
But because he is Jun, he can’t help feeling a little selfish.  
  
Just for a little while, he thinks, almost desperately. He’ll call the catfish in a while. For now, he lets himself process everything and gives in because it’ll be the last time.  
  
He lets himself imagine: what if?  
  
Pyrotechnics explode overhead just as the bass drops, and the corresponding cheers almost drown out the thunderous thrum of Jun’s heart. Perhaps he can lose himself, right here. When he finally ends it. Sakurai Sho begins performing, a classic that every Little Cherry Blossom knows by heart.  
  
“Oh no,” Nino complains beside him, “I don’t know why I expected another opening act aside from T.A.B.O.O.”  
  
That, at least, makes Jun smile. The choreography is familiar; Jun may have watched the PV for this one a little too obsessively when it first came out. Combined with the growling and the deep breathing, it’s a pitfall for any Little Cherry. Jun is grateful that Sakurai Sho never performed this one while sporting an undercut. His lungs might have stopped functioning if that were the case.  
  
“If I tell my wife he sang this first, she’s going to sing it,” Nino says. “I hear this shit in my dreams. I don’t know why the X-rated lyrics don’t faze her.”  
  
“Because she has taste, as we’ve established,” Jun tells him, amused at his state.  
  
After T.A.B.O.O is another fan favorite, Hip Pop Boogie Chapter II, or at least Jun thought so until the lyrics changed.  
  
Then someone from Jun’s left says with a gasp, “Oh my goodness, it’s Chapter III,” and the cheers around their area escalate to a level of decibels that shouldn’t be achievable by the human voice box, but Jun may have underestimated human biology entirely so maybe he is mistaken. Whatever. He understands. The new lyrics are more appropriate for the Sakurai Sho of the present, talking about how this is him now, so far from the university graduate who became an idol.  
  
As a fan, Jun couldn’t be prouder. There’s a mixture of emotions in him; while he can’t be as excited as he would’ve been a few months back, he’s still a fan and as a fan, he can’t help being one despite his current situation.  
  
After that came the piano ballads and with it, familiar songs. Even the fast-paced music from before has been switched to a slower version accompanied by the piano, and Jun is starting to enjoy the show. Whoever came up with that setlist knew how to hype the fans up by bringing up the fan favorites first.  
  
Before he knows it, the first half is over and everyone is on a thirty-minute break.  
  
“Well, fuck,” Nino says beside him. “Are we going to finish this concert before you call him?”  
  
“You forgot about the phone call too,” Jun points out. “And fine, I’m going to call as soon as the second half begins, all right? Preferably when Sho-san is speaking on stage.”  
  
“The wife would have enjoyed this,” Nino muses. The way he refers to her amuses Jun; Nino says it with faux nonchalance but still sounds reverent in his own Nino way. As he should. She’s a wonderful person. “You should have brought her along instead.”  
  
“I should have,” Jun agrees. “She would have been a better companion.”  
  
“She would be waving a lightstick while you try to pretend to be too cool for that and she still wouldn’t have judged you,” Nino says. “Unlike me, of course.”  
  
“I’m not the one who needs a jumbo uchiwa,” Jun reminds him.  
  
Nino groans in response and Jun laughs.  
  
Thirty minutes isn’t long, not when Jun spent it liking various tweets from Little Cherries that are also present and are giving fan reports.  
  
  


  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms Co.** @littlecherriesunited  
  
all fan reports of #TheShow2020 from this account will be under the hashtag #littlecherryrepo [fireworks emoji]  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry ON TOUR** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
WHEN I TELL Y’ALL THAT I ASCENDED WHEN HE OPENED UP WITH T.A.B.O.O  
  
  
  
**sakurai sho step on me** @whatishappiness  
  
@cherryshokointhesky WHEN I TELL YOU I D-WORDED WHEN THE DEEP BREATHING BEGAN FKLFFJDSKLFDJDSDSDLKKL  
  
  
  
**(｀･З･´)♥** @bbqnifeelinggood  
  
daddy cherry really wrote a hip pop boogie chapter iii right under our noses [crying emoji]  
  
  
  
**since 2003** @ss_fan_0125  
  
the first half is all the songs we know and love, which must mean the next half is all the new songs [starry eyed emoji] #TheShow2020  
  
  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms Co.** @littlecherriesunited  
  
admin rie here [waving emoji] sorry i couldn’t fit it all in one tweet but please refer to the pic for the setlist and vague, flaily descriptions of each! excuse the typos! #TheShow2020 #littlecherryrepo  
  
[image attached]  
  


  
  
There is undoubtedly another meltdown later—Jun is certain of it. But it will have to wait; the lights have gone out for the second half and everyone around him is out of their seats and screaming once more.  
  
Sakurai Sho has changed his outfit to a long-sleeved top combined with the most criminal pair of crimson pants Jun has ever laid eyes on. No piece of clothing should perfectly encase toned thighs like that. It’s unfair. He’s not even going to imagine how good Sakurai Sho’s ass looks in those slacks; he can feel his blood pressure steadily rising already.  
  
Sakurai Sho perches himself on the piano bench and flashes a dazzling, top idol-tier smile that sends everyone to a frenzy. Jun pointedly refuses to look at Nino, his phone in his slightly fidgeting hands.  
  
This is it. He’s going to do it. He’s not going to let himself be distracted. He’s been putting it off for so long and he can only run away so far. He’s reached the end.  
  
“Thank you for coming today,” Sakurai Sho says, and that’s the voice. That’s the voice Jun has never heard from the catfish, the voice that accompanies every Aflac, Ajinomoto, and Asahi beer CMs. The voice of News Zero every Monday. “To the fans who didn’t make it today, I hope you’ll tell them how tonight was for you.”  
  
The cheers grow louder at that.  
  
“Call him,” Nino says, his attention on Jun and not on the stage. On any other time, he would’ve chided Nino for it. “Come on. Sakurai is talking already.”  
  
“I’m seeing guys in the audience, and I’m sorry if you’re not here of your own volition and your partners dragged you here instead,” Sakurai Sho continues before he lets out a laugh that sends the corners of his eyes crinkling. “But thank you. I wonder if the person who asked me on Twitter if I have a new song in the works is here?” Another blinding smile while the cheers grow louder. “If they are, here’s the answer.”  
  
He then snaps his fingers, prompting the lights overhead to switch colors to a dimmer hue, effectively changing the atmosphere on stage. There are a few strums from the electric guitar which is eventually followed by the drums, and Sakurai Sho looks up.  
  
“This is sugar and salt,” he says.  
  
And Jun’s entire world ceases to exist.  
  
No. It can’t be.  
  
That’s impossible.  
  
He knows this song. The moment Sakurai Sho starts singing, Jun is overcome with an intense, crippling feeling of déjà vu and he may have forgotten how to breathe. He’s aware of Nino throwing questioning looks at him, but he can’t afford to pay attention to it.  
  
No.  
  
He knows this fucking song.  
  
“Jun-kun?” he hears Nino distantly, somehow. It’s like an arrow that pierces through the cacophony of sounds that threaten to overwhelm Jun entirely.  
  
“The song,” is all he says, trembling in place.  
  
“What? What are you talking about?”  
  
“The song, he—” oh, he can’t do this. He can’t _breathe_. His throat may have closed up. “I know this fucking song, Nino.”  
  
Nino’s eyes are wide now. “What? How?”  
  
“He made me listen to it weeks ago,” is all Jun says.  
  
It takes a brief moment before Nino understands. But when he does, his face is perhaps a mirror of Jun’s own.  
  
Then, because he’s Nino and he always has a word for every situation: “Fuck.”  
  
Jun is shaking his head. He can’t believe it. He can’t do this. He can’t listen to this. His eyes dart to the nearest exit, and before Nino can stop him or say something, he makes a run for it.  
  
He rushes to the men’s washroom and locks the door, not caring if it inconveniences anyone. He can’t focus. He can’t think. He’s staring at himself in the mirror and hyperventilating, his pit in his stomach having grown into a gnawing chasm that makes him sick.  
  
He feels nauseous. This is all too much.  
  
Because the catfish is no fucking catfish.  
  
It’s Sakurai Sho.  
  
It’s Sakurai Sho all along.  
  
He’s been talking to Sakurai Sho for half a year.  
  
And that’s the last thing he expected.  
  
If he collapses right here, he wouldn’t be surprised at all. He wants to die. He thinks that’s not an exaggeration or a reach; he feels like a complete buffoon. He can’t even hold his phone properly; his hands are shaking too much. All he wants right now is to book a ticket that’ll take him to Iceland so he can freeze along with the icecaps there until global warming comes for his stupid ass.  
  
If there is a god, Jun wishes they’ll consider smiting Jun right where he stands.  
  
“Fuck,” he says in the mirror, and for the lack of anything better to do, he presses his face against it and begs for immediate, unnatural death.  
  
\--  
  
**XIII. The Truth**  
  
Jun has no idea how he manages to get home. Maybe it’s muscle memory. Maybe for some reason, his body somehow retained enough mental faculties to perform simple tasks. He thinks he’s not capable of much at present.  
  
He doesn’t answer any of Nino’s calls and only sends a thumbs-up emoji in response to Nino’s text of _Did you go home?_ because that’s where he happens to find himself after everything.  
  
He briefly considers having his phone exorcised by some Vatican-ordained clergy or taking it to the nearest shrine and slapping some evil suppressing talismans onto it. This fucking device is the root of his problems. Without this, he wouldn’t be in this situation. Why did mankind have to evolve past the goukons and omiais? Why the fuck did mankind have to be lazy and rely on dating apps to get laid instead of going to clubs and bars like a couple of years back?  
  
Charles Darwin wouldn’t have wanted this for evolution. This is a regression, not a progression. Each time his fucking phone lights up, he wants to throw salt all over it. If he sees the name Sho on the screen one more time, he thinks he might just completely lose it.  
  
“Oh, poor Matsumoto-san from the fifth floor, yes, I remember,” his gossipy, good-for-nothing landlady will say, “he died because his brain stopped working altogether. Not that he had one, of course.”  
  
Fuck his two brain cells, seriously. He’s outdone himself, as always. This has to be some Virgo-exclusive bullshit because surely he can’t be the only one going through something like this. He’s the only Virgo he knows. That has to be the explanation. He can’t be that unique.  
  
Uniquely stupid, you fucking imbecile, the Nino-voice subconscious says because it’s ruthless and vindictive and it always comes at the worst possible timing.  
  
He doesn’t know what to do. His brain is about to break itself apart. His heart rate is yet to revert to normal. His lungs feel clogged. Crying sounds like a viable option, but he has his pride. It’s all he has left.  
  
Much as he wants to keep his phone at least six feet away from his person like it’s a contagion and he’s waiting for infectious control to intervene, it’s his only way of doing something about the situation like a grown-up would. If the phone brought him problems, it has to bring him solutions too. He can’t stay this fucked up for long; that’ll be a record even for him.  
  
He wonders, briefly, if this is just how it’s always going to be. First was the teacher who had a thing with her student. Then the bookstore guy with excellent taste but called Jun a self-absorbed wannabe. Then, of course, Hiroshi, the cheating asshole that Jun wants to completely erase from his life.  
  
And now this. Sakurai Sho.  
  
He remembers the poster he has in his bedroom and wants to shrivel up like a dying, forgotten plant. He wants to become a bonsai. Surely he can pull off the ethereal grace that a bonsai possesses. He’s not so different from one, after all: he needs care, love, and dedication.  
  
He takes a deep breath and thinks of things he can do. Baby steps. He’s going to take down that Sakurai Sho poster and stuff it in his closet where it will hopefully be consumed by bacteria and vanish without a trace.  
  
He stops, blinking, suddenly remembering all the months he spent talking to the guy. Fuck. Does that mean Sakurai Sho is into men? He called Jun hot—if he wasn’t, then why did he call Jun hot and cute and attractive on multiple occasions?  
  
Then, the Eureka moment comes as a vivid memory from almost six months ago: they both swiped right on Tinder. That was how it all started.  
  
Jun is, for the lack of a better word for it, having a meltdown.  
  
It’s not pretty. The more time he spends thinking, the more he feels like he’s going to throw up despite consuming very little. The concert feels too far away now, like some distant memory he will recount to his future grandchildren, opening it with “there was a time when your Grandpa Jun could have passed for a comedian and here’s the story!”  
  
His phone pings with a message and he shoots it a dirty, distrustful look.  
  
It’s Toma. Asking him out for drinks.  
  
Unfortunately, picking up the phone activates Face Recognition and the device unlocks, revealing his contacts list on LINE.  
  
When he sees the name, it all comes crashing down and he’s too far gone, fingers moving in their own accord.  
  
  


_**Jun** _  
  
_I know you._  
  
_And I don’t just mean you._  
  
_I meant YOU. Sakurai Sho._  
  
_I see your face every day when I go to work._  
  
_There’s a billboard of you right across the station._  
  
_There’s a standee of you in the supermarket close to where I live._  
  
_I know you._  
  
_You’ve sent me photos of you but it’s almost always you with facial hair._  
  
_Or you with your head down._  
  
_Did you think I wouldn’t notice?_  
  
_Did you think I was that stupid?_  
  
_I don’t know why you talked to me._  
  
_I don’t know why you started using Tinder, either._  
  
_But I was there. Today. I saw you._  
  
_I was there in the arena and I saw you and I heard you._  
  
_And I was there because I know you. I’ve known you for a long time._  
  
_I have a poster of you from your previous concert._  
  
_I’ve known who you are even before I swiped right._  
  
_I’m one of your 1 million followers on Twitter._  
  
_I thought you were a catfish._  
  
_That’s the reason why I started talking to you,_  
  
_I was going to expose you. That was it._  
  
_I talked to you because I thought you were lying to me._  
  
_And that you were using Sakurai Sho to get a date._  
  
_I know you._  
  
_I know you._

  
  
  
He doesn’t expect a reply. He doesn’t expect anything, really. But now that it’s out, he considers disappearing online for a while. He doesn’t think he can bear to look at his Twitter timeline after everything. He can never read a thirst tweet with a straight face again; it hits too close to home now that he knows how the real Sakurai Sho texts.  
  
He tosses his phone to the ground and heads to his room, taking one last look at Sakurai Sho’s smiling, youthful face on his wall before he grips the edges of the poster and tears it down.  
  
\--  
  
**XIV. The Man, Part Three**  
  
Jun’s avoidance of social media only works when he has his Wi-Fi and cellular data off, so that’s exactly what he does. He tells his friends and family to contact him via text or call and doesn’t bother explaining. If Nino tells Toma after Toma received no reply from Jun, Jun doesn’t care. He doesn’t think it’ll make him feel better, anyway. He feels like shit after everything.  
  
He entered Operation: Catfish Exposé with one goal in mind, and that was to give the catfish what they deserve for the scam they thought they were pulling. Instead, Jun became the liar, because the catfish is not a catfish and Jun...well, he’s been playing the role of himbo for six months.  
  
For six months, he’s the one lying to Sakurai Sho by pretending he doesn’t know the guy.  
  
And he feels absolutely terrible about a situation that he can’t do anything about. It’s done. And whatever it is they may have had for six months, whatever connection Sakurai Sho may have felt through the messages, that’s gone. None of it was real, at least from Jun’s side. He only revealed certain portions of himself in order to sell the illusion better, and it worked.  
  
He can’t keep lying to the guy. Sakurai Sho doesn’t deserve that. He deserves someone who is not Jun, someone who’s not his fan and won’t lie to him and take his efforts for granted.  
  
So Jun does what he does best. He avoids. He escapes. He runs. He does other things and lets it consume him and sleeps only when his body can do nothing else. He drinks and stays at home, miserably pouring out his sorrows to poor, unsuspecting Sho-chan.  
  
He really should change the bonsai’s damn name soon.  
  
“Sho-chan,” he says one night when he has sunk so low and alcohol is pumping steadily through his veins, his vision already beginning to haze, “Sho-chan, I fell in love with Sakurai Sho.”  
  
The bonsai remains unmoving.  
  
“And because I’m me, I blew it,” he continues anyway, because what else can he do? There’s no one else to talk to. He would never get a pet just to subject them to this. The negativity will make any friendly dog sad and gloomy. And animals hate him anyway. “Not that there was any chance for it, of course. As if I can date a guy like that.” He snorts.  
  
The combination of wine and whiskey really makes everything fuzzy, and if he sheds a tear or two, his only consolation is that there’s no one around to see it.  
  
He presses his face against the tabletop close to where Sho-chan’s pot is, staring up at the bonsai and hoping it has all the answers to his problems.  
  
“Sho-chan, he was so good,” he tells the poor thing, “he was so good to me. He played the piano when I couldn’t sleep, made playlists for me, gave me ideas. He came to watch the play despite his schedule. He must have rushed to return to Tokyo on time that day. He was so good. He saw through me and he made me happy. He told me things from his perspective and helped me improve.” He groans, mashing his face against the table’s smooth, polished surface. “He listened to me when no one else would.”  
  
His phone rings and he blindly reaches for it, sliding his finger across the screen to answer without looking.  
  
“Hello?” he says weakly, quietly. It has to be Nino. Or Toma. Or Shun. Maybe it’s Nakamura, inviting him out for drinks. Jun’s been a terrible friend to the guy lately, and it’s about time he makes up for it.  
  
“Hello,” comes the deep voice. “Is this Matsumoto Jun-san?”  
  
He blinks. That’s not Nino. The voice is different. And if that’s Toma, those won’t be his first words. Same for Shun. Same for anyone in Jun’s circle of friends.  
  
He lifts his head from the table and blinks repeatedly at his phone, hoping the caller ID will make sense.  
  
It’s an emoji of a cat and an emoji of a fish.  
  
Wait.  
  
What?  
  
“Hello?” the other line says. “Matsumoto-san? Are you still there?”  
  
When it hits, it almost sends Jun flying out of his chair. His breath hitches and he slaps himself across the face, hoping he’ll wake up faster because it can’t be.  
  
It can’t be him. What the fuck.  
  
“Yes,” Jun manages to say shakily, his fingers shaking. He looks around for help and only finds Sho-chan in his pot, still as a statue. “Sho-chan,” he begs quietly in the bonsai’s direction, horrified and trembling, “Sho-chan, help me.”  
  
“What?” the other line says, and great, now Jun wants to die. If he jumps off his veranda, will the police rule it in as an accident?  
  
Poor Matsumoto Jun-san, gone at thirty-seven. He wasn’t the brightest, his neighbors would say.  
  
“No, not you,” Jun says, pressing the phone back against his ear, shutting his eyes. Fuck his life, seriously. “My bonsai is named Sho-chan.”  
  
For a moment, there’s silence.  
  
Then: “Oh. You did mention a bonsai before.”  
  
Jun can’t do this. If aliens decide to pull an Independence Day right now and use the Earth for terraforming, he wouldn’t mind. Fuck Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum; Jun will physically fight them if they try to save the world by uploading that virus into the alien mothership. Let them invade and end mankind.  
  
“I—” he tries, hating how he sounds. He’s drunk. He feels like he should say that. “I’m very drunk right now.”  
  
“I see.” Jun still can’t reconcile the fact that he’s talking to Sakurai Sho. It can’t be real. It just can’t be. “Bad timing, huh?”  
  
“Yeah,” Jun agrees. Maybe he should change his number. After this. That sounds like a good plan.  
  
“Well,” Sakurai Sho says in that deep baritone Jun will know no matter what, “you weren’t answering on LINE.”  
  
Jun sits in his veranda, unmoving. “Wait,” he says when he can finally form words. He prays for his tongue to cooperate. It feels numb. “You replied.”  
  
“Yes. And you didn’t leave me on Read this time.”  
  
“Oh,” Jun says, unsure of what to feel. What the fuck is happening in his life right now and why is it like this? “I wasn’t...I wasn’t online. I...needed time.”  
  
“From what? From me?”  
  
Jun shuts his eyes, knowing he sounds very selfish. “I’m an asshole. And a colossal idiot. Which says a lot because I have a friend whose intelligence I firmly believe is lower than mine. I wasn’t being honest with you when I started chatting with you. I...I told you everything on LINE. That I know who you are because I’m your fan. Was. I don’t know. I liked you for a long time.”  
  
“Liked,” Sakurai Sho repeats. “Past tense?”  
  
“I’m having a hard time believing it’s you,” Jun admits. His vision is swimming. He needs to lie down. “I still can’t believe it. I’m pretty sure that tomorrow when I wake up, I’m going to think this is all a bad dream and you didn’t really call because why would you still have my number? After everything?”  
  
“I wanted to talk to you. After everything. You said you talked to me because you thought I was catfishing you as...well, me.” He laughs on the other line and that only makes Jun feel worse. “How did you know it was me?”  
  
Jun takes even, measured breaths before he speaks. “The song. Sugar and salt.”  
  
A pause.  
  
Then: “I remember you asking me when I sent you the demo if it was me singing. I said it can be. I was having a hard time choosing the final song, you see. I finally made the decision when you said you liked it.”  
  
“I did like it,” Jun admits quietly, his voice small.  
  
He hears an exhale from the other line.  
  
“I didn’t mean to hide who I am,” Sakurai Sho tells him. “Before you, anyone who swiped right on Tinder either knew me or didn’t but recognized me eventually and wanted to hook up so they could brag about it. So it became a defense mechanism for me. Being secretive. I’m sure you’ve noticed that.”  
  
“I have.”  
  
A hum. “I didn’t mean to keep that from you. I was planning to tell you eventually. It’s why I asked you back then to give me two weeks.” A soft laugh, but it sounds devoid of amusement of any kind. “I was going to ask you to come to my show on the last day of the tour.”  
  
Jun grips the phone tight, and if the corners of his eyes sting, he can’t help it. He doesn’t deserve this man. This person is too good. He feels terrible, and if a sniffle escapes from him, he doesn’t bother to hide it.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he says before he can think it over. “I’m so sorry. You’ve been so good to me. And I was never honest with you. You didn’t deserve that.”  
  
“Never,” Sakurai Sho repeats. “As in never?”  
  
“Not even once,” Jun tells him.  
  
“You have a bonsai,” Sakurai Sho says.  
  
Jun doesn’t understand. “Yes.”  
  
“Which you named after me. I think it’s cute, by the way. You work as a theater producer, yes? When I was in Saitama, I asked a staff member about you.”  
  
Jun doesn’t know this.  
  
“And they said you were backstage as always, but if I wanted, they could pass along a message,” Sakurai Sho continues. “And I declined. I said I’d tell you myself. You were there.”  
  
“I’m not getting you,” Jun admits.  
  
“All those nights you couldn’t sleep. The times you talked about your favorite books and movies. Coco. All those Western titles that you kept using whenever we talked about international films,” Sakurai Sho says, and Jun’s vision is blurry, “That was all you, wasn’t it?”  
  
“Yes,” Jun says.  
  
“You couldn’t have lied about that. Not when that staff member called you Matsujun, just like what you told me. ‘Everyone calls me Matsujun,’ you said. That wasn’t a lie.”  
  
“Stop,” Jun begs him, and he thankfully listens. “Stop. Sakurai-san. I can’t. I’ve done enough damage, I think. Stop making me feel better. I know what I’ve done. I’ll apologize for as many times as you want. Just please. Don’t do this. Stop being so good to me.”  
  
“You think I’ll talk to you for six months if I didn’t want anything more?”  
  
If he’s crying, it’s not a surprise. That’s got to be a trickle of a tear that he has just wiped from his cheek. Unless it’s raining? He doesn’t think so. “You don’t want me. I lied to you. I’m...a fan.”  
  
“You said you were. Past tense.”  
  
“I’m still a fan,” Jun tells him. “Tearing down your poster from my wall doesn’t change a thing; I only tricked myself that it did. Little Cherry Blossoms or whatever the fuck your fandom calls themselves; I’m one of them. I hit the like for the occasional thirst tweets directed at you because that’s the kind of fan that I am. The Jun you met, the Jun you’ve been speaking to for six months—I created him because I was too stupid to know better.” He exhales, his hand trembling around his phone. “You don’t want me. You deserve someone else. Someone better.”  
  
He laughs, unsure of how he manages to. “I’m the worst. I’m the type of person you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near you. The kind of fan you wouldn’t want to have. I’m sorry. Whatever it was you think we had for six months, it’s impossible. You can’t settle for someone like me; that’s a poor choice and we both know it.”  
  
“Jun,” he hears, and it’s the first time he hears it because Sakurai Sho has never called him that way. “Whatever you’re drinking, stop. Put it down.”  
  
Jun listens because it’s that voice. If there is one voice that can make him do anything, it’s that. He wishes Sakurai Sho would tell him to jump off his apartment building next. He might do exactly just that.  
  
“You’re not the only one who was being selfish in this arrangement,” Sakurai Sho tells him, “if I can even call it one, that is. I was being selfish too when I withheld information from you. And I was being selfish when I kept trying to talk to you anyway.”  
  
“You shouldn’t have,” Jun says. “Both of us should have stopped a long time ago.”  
  
“But we didn’t,” Sakurai Sho reminds him. “And here we are.”  
  
Jun presses his forehead against his palm, cradling his head.  
  
When he speaks, he says the words honestly, helplessly. He’s tired of putting up a front. He’s lied so much to this man. “I don’t know what to do.”  
  
He receives a hum in response and that prompts him to continue talking.  
  
“This would have been easier if I was in no way in love with you,” he says. Then he realizes what he just said and panics. “Fuck. Fuck. I did not just tell you that. Just when I thought I couldn’t get worse, I had to tell you that. What the fuck am I doing? Fuck.” He wants to disappear. “Unhear. Undo.”  
  
There’s nothing on the other line for a long while, just Jun cursing at himself and his loose tongue.  
  
Then the silence is pierced by the unmistakable sounds of Sakurai Sho laughing. In the same manner he does during variety shows. He laughs and Jun can picture him with his eyes turned into slits, his shoulders shaking in mirth.  
  
“I’m pathetic, aren’t I?” he asks. “That’s why you’re laughing. It’s okay. You have every right to.”  
  
“No, I’m not laughing because of that. I’m laughing because I can pretend I didn’t hear it, if you like,” Sakurai Sho offers when he gets over his unprecedented joy. “I didn’t hear anything.”  
  
It takes a moment for Jun to understand, but when he does, he finds himself smiling. A genuine, honest to God, happy smile that he can’t remember doing as of late.  
  
“I’m a human disaster,” Jun admits.  
  
“But for what it’s worth,” Sakurai Sho tells him patiently, kindly, “I don’t think you’re pathetic. Or a bad person. If you were, you wouldn’t have apologized to me, nor would you have come clean. You would simply disappear without another word. You say I deserve better because you weren’t exactly honest with me. I understand that. But while I did hide certain things about myself, I didn’t lie about what I thought of you.”  
  
“Wait,” Jun says because he doesn’t think he’ll get a chance to after Sakurai Sho says what he has to say. “I’m drunk. I’m very, very drunk. Are you sure you want me to hear this without me sober?”  
  
He hears a humming, thoughtful sound. Is it possible to fall in love with a voice? He’s really fucked. “Tell you what, I think I’d rather have you hear it now regardless of your state,” Sakurai Sho tells him, and Jun is about to break into hives, he feels it, “and if it doesn’t register tonight, it’s okay. I’ll tell you again.”  
  
Jun now has a hand over his mouth to effectively prevent his tongue from saying anything stupid and breaking the moment. If he suffocates because he’s definitely covering his nostrils too, he thinks he deserves it.  
  
“Matsumoto Jun-san,” Sakurai Sho says evenly, “Matsumoto-san. Matsujun-san. Matsujun.” His voice softens when he continues, “Jun. I’ve been chatting with you for six months and I still have the same thoughts about you when I first saw you on Tinder. You’re quite possibly the most attractive person I’ve seen, and that’s saying a lot because the entertainment industry has no shortage of attractive people. I swiped right with the intention of starting something with you, and I would be putting those six months to waste if I don’t do anything about it now. That’s why I called. If you’re amenable, I’d like to get to know you. Properly. With no secrets this time, at least nothing about what we do for a living.” He laughs, rich and almost infectious. “I know you hate tokoroten and have a sakura bonsai which you named after me. I don’t mind. I know you talk to it from time to time. I don’t mind. I know you have a poster of me that you recently took down. I don’t mind either, but please consider putting it back.”  
  
Jun can’t help laughing at that.  
  
“I know you cried over Coco when they sang Remember Me towards the end. I don’t mind; I cried too. I know you hate surprises and I’m sorry for tonight. I know that you occasionally relate to what you called ‘thirst tweets’ about me. I can only imagine what they say and why they’re called as such, but I don’t mind. Frankly, after you sent me that topless selfie, I may have harbored impure thoughts about you, too. Forgive me. I wasn’t lying when I said I found you hot.”  
  
Jun holds the phone closer, praying to whatever deity out there that he remembers this come morning. He shouldn’t have drunk. He’s always making the bad decision that when it backfires, there’s always nothing he can do about it.  
  
“I have your anan,” he admits, and Sakurai Sho pauses from the other line. Jun sighs. “Two copies of it, actually. One for looking at and the other to keep in pristine condition.”  
  
If Sakurai Sho cuts the line, he wouldn’t be surprised at all.  
  
But he doesn’t. He doesn’t end the call.  
  
“I know you’re one of my followers on Twitter and perhaps Instagram,” Sakurai Sho continues after a moment. “I’m very flattered, and as you would expect, I don’t mind. I know you’re a fan. I don’t mind. I now know you have my anan. That was the time in my life that my body was in peak condition. Again, I don’t mind. And because I know this much about you, I also know you’re going to ask why.” Jun hears him smile from the other line; there’s no mistaking it. “I don’t mind because when you told me you fell in love with me, I know that it wasn’t Sakurai Sho the idol that you felt that way for. It was me. The guy on Tinder. The one whom you thought was catfishing you. And because I know that, I want to know more. I’m selfish, Matsujun. I know you feel like you’ve wronged me, and if you’re truly feeling sorry for that, you agree that you have to do something about it, right?”  
  
Jun has to remove his hand over his mouth before he can speak. “Yes.”  
  
“Then take responsibility for what you’ve done,” Sakurai Sho tells him firmly, a sudden shift in tone that reminds Jun of all the times he got scolded at school. “Take responsibility because you can’t possibly be thinking that in the past six months, you’re the only one who started feeling something. That’s not fair.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“This is my way of telling you that if you fell for a catfish, I have fallen for a stranger over the internet. A stranger with a sophisticated taste that I wanted to try to impress anyway. A stranger who sends cute emojis that accompany his equally cute messages. A stranger who is dedicated, hardworking, and determined. A stranger to whom I played the piano for,” Sakurai Sho says, which Jun is pretty sure is said fully in Japanese but he can’t understand. “The same stranger to whom I wrote a song for.”  
  
“Wait,” Jun says, uncertain. “No. No, you didn’t.”  
  
“Sugar and salt was for you,” Sakurai Sho tells him. Jun is having a difficult time comprehending. His IQ must have dropped a couple of points. “Of course, I had to make some changes in order to cater to a fanbase that consisted mostly of women. But that doesn’t change the intention. It’s why I wanted you to come to the show eventually. I wanted to sing that song at Budoukan, knowing you were right there and you could hear me sing it.”  
  
Oh. This is too much. Jun’s heart can’t take this.  
  
He remembers the lyrics of that song all too well. It was the last thing he heard at Budoukan that day.  
  
_I wanna feel your love._  
  
“I did hear it,” he manages to say. “I heard you.”  
  
“Then say yes,” Sakurai Sho tells him, begs him now that he listens and takes what is being offered for what it is. “Let me get to know you. Let me know what’s your favorite food. Your favorite color. Your dream job when you were a kid. Who was your first love. I want to know more about you, the real you, the one who heard the song and told me he liked it. Let me do that. I’m selfish. I’ve been selfish for six months and I don’t know how to stop.” A pause. “I don’t want to stop. Unless you tell me to.”  
  
Jun exhales, leaning most of his weight against the chair that he’s been sitting on for hours and sagging against it. He thinks his feet can’t prop him up, not after hearing all of that.  
  
But before he gives his answer, he thinks he has to set a few things straight.  
  
“There’s something you should know about me. I have this reputation that I keep falling in love with people who have shady backgrounds,” he says, laughing at the end. “My first love was my kindergarten teacher who said my name so sweetly that I thought she had a thing for me until I found out I shared the name of her husband, which made a lot of sense.”  
  
He hears laughter on the other line and that makes him bolder.  
  
“A summary of my three recent mishaps in finding a relationship: my most recent ex cheated on me right here in my apartment, on the bed that I shared with him, right in front of your poster that I had on my wall. And when he came back to collect his stuff, he told me I think highly of myself because I’m a part of a troupe that produces somewhat successful shows.” He sighs. “Before that was a guy who broke Sho-chan’s pot and refused to apologize for it, calling him a ‘fucking useless plant’.” He smiles. “That’s the story I tell my friends when they ask why we broke up because it’s funny. But the truth is, I ended things with that guy because he often called me self-absorbed and suffocating whenever I met up with him and asked him to make time for me after he spent consecutive nights partying with his friends.”  
  
Sakurai Sho, thankfully, says nothing on the other end.  
  
Jun continues, “And before them was a high school teacher who two-timed me with her student. When I confronted her about it, her student threatened me and challenged me to fight for her if I was a real man. I didn’t want to, of course. I wasn’t going to play a villain in some shoujo manga fantasy they both might be having.” He pauses, worrying his lip. “And that’s just the most recent ones. There are more. As I said, I’m a human disaster. You can laugh. It’s okay. It’s hilarious because of how surreal it is.”  
  
“I’m not laughing,” is what he hears this time.  
  
“That’s the kind of luck that I have when it comes to things like this. So when I say you deserve better, I’m talking about that. Because the people I’ve been with never thought I could be so much more, that I was worth more. And having three of them one after the other might have made me believe it, as sad as that sounds. You don’t want that. I wouldn’t want someone like that for you.” He swallows past the lump that formed in his throat before he continues. “But then you told me those things. And now I’m telling you everything. Do you still want to get to know me after knowing that?”  
  
“Yes,” comes the soft answer that makes Jun press his forehead against the tabletop once more. “Yes, I do. I know you’ve been hurt. I can never imagine how much. And I know you’re probably seeing it as a risk if you say yes. I can’t say you’re wrong about that. I can’t change who I am. I’m an idol. There are paparazzi outside my apartment building six out of seven days of the week. I can’t promise you privacy. So if you think you don’t want to risk that, tell me to fuck off and I’ll understand. It won’t change anything. The song still exists because of you. I still wrote it for you.”  
  
“Sho-san.”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Can I call you that?” he asks belatedly, earning a chuckle.  
  
“Yes. Of course.”  
  
“Should you change your mind,” he begins carefully because fuck, thinking is hard. Thinking is hard when he can taste the whiskey on his tongue and his head is starting to feel like slush, “it’s okay. I’ll understand. Just tell me. I’ll—”  
  
“Let me decide that after getting to know you,” Sakurai Sho says over him, and Jun finds that he likes being cut off by this man; there’s something inherently sexy about it. “If you say yes, of course.”  
  
“Then yes,” Jun says before he can change his mind and hold himself back for noble reasons. He can be selfish once more. “Let’s try if you want.”  
  
A pause. Then: “Okay.”  
  
Jun can’t help smiling. “Okay.”  
  
“I’ll set a date and text you; how’s that?”  
  
Jun has no preference, really. He’s definitely swandiving into this; he doesn’t care. “Sure.”  
  
But then he remembers. “Wait. What if I forget this in the morning? I’m really very drunk. Smashed, more like. Tomorrow, I’m going to think this is all a dream and I’m going to vehemently deny that it ever happened. I know I would. Then I’ll try to forget in order to spare myself.”  
  
“Don’t worry,” Sakurai Sho assures him, his voice full of promise, and Jun would totally sign up for an insurance plan under Aflac after this, absolutely, “I’ll remind you.”  
  
The following morning, Jun wants to bash his head against the nearest wall because whatever’s pulsating inside his skull is definitely doing it to kill him, and after he manages to pop a pain reliever and brush his teeth, he opens his phone.  
  
And before he can question himself, he connects the device to his Wi-Fi.  
  
The onslaught of notifications prompts him to put the device on silent as he prepares coffee, and when he’s finally nursing a steaming mug of black coffee under his fingertips, he decides to check whatever he has missed during his social media hiatus.  
  
His email is half spam, half actually relevant stuff and Jun promises to look at them later, especially when he sees Nino’s emails of updated spreadsheets about the troupe’s expenses. His Instagram is about recent posts his friends have, and he scrolls through them and hits the like, dropping a comment when he feels like it.  
  
He saves LINE for last because it has the highest notification count for him.  
  
It’s probably instinct that’s kicking when he freezes at the sight of the topmost thread, and he taps on it lest he begins to chicken out. He’s a grown man. Things like this should be easy.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
If you were there, you should have told me.  
  
You should have told me you knew who I was.  
  
You should have told me everything.  
  
Why didn’t you?  
  
I didn’t mean to lie to you about who I am. I’m sorry if that’s how it looks like now.  
  
I was on Tinder because I wanted to know what it’s like.  
  
To be able to use an app like that like any other person.  
  
I don’t expect you to understand.  
  
I talked to you because I was attracted to you.  
  
That’s how it works on Tinder, right?  
  
I continued talking to you because I enjoyed it.  
  
You should have told me._  
  
  
  
The messages were sent a day after Jun sent his, which is almost a week ago, now. But after that is a new one, a shorter one with no explanation, sent just a couple of hours ago.  
  
  
  
_**Sho**  
  
[audio message, 4:31]_  
  
  
  
Jun presses the play button and places the speaker close to his ear. When the electric guitar comes in, he hides his face behind his hand and listens carefully, to every word Sakurai Sho wrote for him, albeit with minor adjustments. He commits the song to memory, knowing that he’s the only one out there with a digital copy of this because Sakurai Sho is yet to officially release the recording of this song.  
  
When he replies, he keeps it short, knowing it will suffice.  
  
  
  


_**Jun**  
  
Don’t worry.  
  
I remember everything._

  
  
  
\--  
  
**XV. The Facts, Remix**  
  
If it took them six months to be honest with one another regarding who they really are, it takes them approximately half of that to get over themselves and finally make it work. Thankfully.  
  
It happens like this:  
  
Sakurai Sho sets a date and reserves a private room in a restaurant, and for a first date, it’s not bad. Even if Jun is a bundle of nerves at approximately three-fourths of it, the way Sakurai Sho eats makes him laugh at the end of it, because none of it is a lie. What he sees on TV is no different. Sakurai Sho consumes his food with such gusto that all the chipmunk memes the Little Cherry Blossoms have created for it are apt. He eats until his cheeks are bloated, and he never hesitates to compliment the food if it’s good.  
  
The dates continue to increase in frequency until Sakurai Sho simply becomes Sho, and Jun gets accustomed to the idea of having him around. There’s still the idol, of course. Every Monday, Jun makes sure he doesn’t miss News Zero. After all, he recently earned the honor of picking out Sho’s tie for the broadcast.  
  
But after that, when the cameras are gone and the makeup’s been washed off, there’s Sho. The guy who does a belly laugh that’s so infectious that Jun can’t help laughing too, even if what he’s laughing at isn’t that funny in Jun’s opinion. The guy who’s not that terrible in the kitchen, despite his image on TV, since he can prepare Spam and eggs. The guy who made fun of Jun’s Louboutins as if his camouflage-patterned slacks and faux jeans are any better. The guy who hates coriander with a passion but didn’t let the taste of it deter him that one time he drives Jun home and finally decides to take a leap.  
  
Jun discovers that night that the reality of being kissed by Sakurai Sho is no match for whatever thirst tweet he may have liked a couple of months ago. Because when Sho does it, he unbuckles his seatbelt and leans into Jun’s space without warning, reaching for Jun’s face with both hands and closes in. When Sho does it, it’s not like his kissing scene in that paralegal drama that bored Jun to death but he finished anyway out of dedication.  
  
When Sho does it, he doesn’t stay still. After an uncertain amount of time of their lips pressed against each other because Jun is rendered incapable of any coherent thought of the act, there’s the unmistakable prod of tongue that makes Jun part his lips, then he’s getting kissed harder—needier.  
  
When Sho does it, he sends Jun into a moaning, desperate mess, clinging to his sleeve because Jun needs every bit of whatever’s close to hold on to, and if that happens to be the man kissing him breathless, so be it.  
  
When Sho does it, Jun wants him to do it again.  
  
It’s how he finds out that actor Sakurai Sho was definitely acting when he kissed Horikita Maki onscreen. That one was so bland and plain, a real shame considering the shapely lips that Sho possesses. The real Sho is nothing like that, thank you very much. The real Sho made his knees wobble when he finally got out of the car.  
  
“You didn’t kiss Horikita-san like that,” he says, stopping at the doors of his apartment building.  
  
The smile Sho has for him almost makes him climb back inside the car so he can kiss Sho again. Almost. Jun is proud of the self-control he manages to exercise. “And to think, you even tasted like coriander.”  
  
Jun laughs, shooing him away. “Get out of here.”  
  
Over time, he learns more about Sho. That while he’s not as inflexible as his image suggests, he can never do backflips. He learns about Sho’s favorite foods and how to make them. He learns who Sho’s closest friends in the industry are, and that includes Aiba Masaki—idol turned supermodel, drama ratings king. His handsomeness in real life shocks Jun when Sho invites Aiba along, because apparently, when celebrities go on dates at populated places, the precaution they take in case there are snooping paparazzi close by is to have a third wheel.  
  
In this case, Jun might be that third wheel, except he isn’t. Aiba Masaki is all wide grins and crinkly eyes when he shakes Jun's hand in greeting, telling Jun that he’s heard so much about him from Sho, which makes Sho look away when Jun faces him.  
  
“Masaki,” Sho chides, but it lacks bite, “don’t embarrass me.”  
  
Aiba now has his fingers steepled in apology. “Sorry, Sho-chan! But you talk so much about him!”  
  
Before the night ends, Jun makes sure to ask for an autograph. After all, he knows Nino is a secret fan of Aiba Masaki. Nino would kill for this autograph, and just to drive his point further, Jun asks if he can have a photo because his friend Nino “would never believe who I met.”  
  
“You did not,” is how Nino reacts when Jun shows him the photo, and Jun laughs at his face. Nino is the only person at work who knows about Jun’s developing relationship with Sacchan, a nickname Nino coined for Sho to protect his identity and Jun’s privacy. “You didn’t meet Aiba Masaki. You did not!”  
  
“Yes, I did,” Jun gloats, because that’s how friendships work. “And because I’m nice, I got you an autograph.”  
  
“That’s it,” Nino says, swiping the autograph from his hands, “you can be the godfather of my firstborn. Sacchan too. I need rich godfathers.”  
  
In the three months that passed, Jun has entered into a secret relationship with an idol. He’s already met Sho’s manager of course, and the guy ingrained into him things he already knew, so he’s being extra careful with how he handles himself. The advantage of being a Little Cherry Blossom comes into light because he fully understands what it means for Sakurai Sho’s career as an idol.  
  
He appreciates the efforts of Sho’s manager, though. It’s a relief that there’s someone like that looking out for Sho.  
  
Things that Jun is certain of:

  1. Aiba Masaki is the guy who told Sho to download Tinder and to give it a shot, and his reasoning for it is that no one would believe that Sakurai Sho is truly on the app, which is ingenious.
  2. Ohno Satoshi, the retired idol that disappeared a few years back, has fishing for a hobby and has taken a painting career full-time. He is also one of Sho’s closest friends, and he’s the one who told Sho to call Jun even after everything. Sho calls him Nii-san. Jun owes him his happiness.
  3. The other person who knows about Jun’s existence in Sho’s life aside from Aiba Masaki and Ohno Satoshi is Sho’s mom, whom Jun is yet to meet but has heard wonderful stories about.
  4. The counterpart of the Little Cherry Blossoms fandom in the entertainment industry is called Aniki Kai, led by another idol called Ueda from Sho’s agency. Jun is yet to meet him as well.
  5. Sho’s love for snowglobes is only rivaled by his passion for his Cloudy shirts. That’s the brand of the shirt he always wears when he’s not in News Zero mode.
  6. Jun may have stolen a shirt for himself. In his defense, Sho has definitely taken a few of his shirts too, claiming they’re more comfortable to wear because Jun is broader than him especially across the shoulders.
  7. The sloping shoulders are surprisingly comfortable to rest his head against during a movie night. He revokes the rights of all the nadegata shamers. They don’t know what they’re talking about.
  8. Becky’s claims that Sakurai Sho smells nice and refreshing are not exaggerated.
  9. The Yoshimoto Kouya voice is the superior voice among Sho’s voices. Jun accepts no criticism because that voice is worthy of every thirst tweet dedicated to it.
  10. And finally, Sakurai Sho is a biter, which comes as a delightful, unexpected surprise.



Jun discovers the last one during one of the many nights that Sho has stayed over, during a weekend that he has free and has decided to spend with Jun.  
  
Jun is touched but tries to play it cool. Of course.  
  
He’s barely able to suppress a startled gasp from escaping when he feels Sho’s teeth close over one of his pert, sore nipples. They’re on Jun’s bed and making out, and the soft tug sends him hissing, and he traps his bottom lip under his teeth when he feels Sho’s tongue give the sensitive nub an apologetic lick.  
  
Sho pokes at the skin close to his nipple and Jun snaps his eyes open and looks down. They’re in Jun’s bed because there are no paparazzi in Jun’s place unlike Sho’s, and he has the lovely, comfortable sensation of Sho’s body on top of his own.  
  
“You have a beauty mark here,” Sho notes.  
  
Jun smiles, pleased that Sho is no different. “You’re not the first person surprised by that one.”  
  
His delight is short-lived because Sho’s mouth returns, sucking at his nipple until Jun’s back is arching from the bed. Jun has always had sensitive nipples, and it’s cruel that Sho takes revenge for his cheeky comment in this way.  
  
(Not really.)  
  
Sho’s mouth travels lower, and when Jun feels his hot breath against his navel, he jerks and sits up, causing Sho to look up at him and cease in his movements.  
  
“Are we moving too fast?” Sho asks, reaching out to cup the side of Jun’s neck, thumb stroking the line of Jun’s jaw reassuringly, affectionately. “It’s okay. If you want to stop, just tell me.”  
  
Jun shakes his head. This is finally happening. He may have two brain cells, but they’re on his side now and they’re telling him he has to get this man naked on his bed. He is so close to achieving that and making said brain cells proud.  
  
But he is Jun, and before he became this man’s boyfriend, he first was his fan. Still is.  
  
He leans in and plants a placating, prolonged kiss on Sho’s lips. When he pulls back, he’s grateful that the lights are off and Sho can’t see his face. He must be blushing. “I may have had certain...fantasies,” he admits, his voice nearly a whisper.  
  
The slow smile followed by the head tilt is so lethal it makes the rest of Jun’s blood rush south. Sho leans forward and begins kissing his way down Jun’s neck, because apparently, he can never keep away for too long. Maybe they’ve both been wanting each other for far longer than they can admit.  
  
“Tell me,” Sho whispers against his pulse, and fuck, he’s using the Yoshimoto Kouya voice that Jun thinks he will melt in this man’s arms. It doesn’t sound like a bad way to go, all things considered.  
  
“Well, full disclosure,” Jun begins, trying to keep his voice steady even if the object of the fantasies he’s about to divulge is doing wondrous things to his neck right now, “most of these stemmed from the time you first had an undercut and you showed it off in a black shirt and a pair of black leather pants.”  
  
That makes Sho pause, followed by a laugh that’s half-muffled against Jun’s neck. “Ah. What the Little Cherry Blossoms call Daddy Cherry, you mean.”  
  
Jun grabs his shoulders and has Sho face him, and Sho is flashing him a cute, deceptively innocent smile. “Fuck. Of course, you know about that.”  
  
“You’re not Twitter user cherryshokointhesky, are you?”  
  
“No!” Jun denies, and Sho laughs before kissing him once more.  
  
“Okay.” Jun receives another peck, and his anger is almost gone. “Just checking.” Another peck. That’s it. Jun isn’t angry anymore. “What were you saying again?”  
  
“One of the fantasies is sucking you off while you were wearing the leather pants and you sat in that leather chair like an emperor,” Jun says in one breath. He must be so red. “And I know you don’t have the undercut anymore, you’re not wearing leather pants, and there’s no leather chair. But just so it’s out there.”  
  
He feels thumbs stroking his cheeks. “Jun. Look at me.”  
  
Jun does.  
  
“I’ll find a way to make that happen, if you like. Now I’m not sure if you’re open for a compromise because you’re the most exacting person I know, but do you really need the undercut and the leather pants and the damn chair?” Sho gestures to what’s between his legs and Jun laughs. “Really?”  
  
“No,” Jun tells him, pushing him to his back so he’s now the one lying on the bed and Jun is looming over him.  
  
Kissing his way down Sho’s body is a dream come true for the Sakurai Sho fan in him, cliché as though that may sound. Hearing Sho’s appreciative breaths urges him to go further, and when he finally has the increasingly hard length of Sho in his hand, he looks up to find Sho watching him.  
  
“I can compromise,” he says before he kisses the tip and takes what he can in his mouth.  
  
The sound Sho makes is something he’ll never forget; it’s not every day that you hear your favorite idol moan because you have his cock in your mouth.  
  
He breaks off and replaces his mouth with his hand, using his saliva for lube. He flattens his tongue against the underside of Sho’s cock, following a vein that runs from base to tip, cataloguing Sho’s reactions for future use. His other hand climbs up Sho’s abdomen, finger tracing Sho’s navel.  
  
There’s a filthy, wet sound when Jun breaks off this time, both hands now pumping Sho’s cock. “I miss your piercing.”  
  
“I tried to put it back but it hurt,” Sho explains, followed by a breathless groan. “Don’t stop.”  
  
“Oh?” Jun asks, curious, and Sho props himself up on his elbows and gives him a look.  
  
“You’re not only one with fantasies, Jun,” Sho says. “I may have harbored some about your hands, your mouth, and your shoulders.”  
  
“Good,” Jun says in his best Yoshimoto Kouya impression, then proceeds to take Sho’s cock back in his mouth. He abandons teasing and starts bobbing his head, heedless of the wet, depraved sounds that fill the room interspersed with Sho’s groans of pleasure.  
  
A fist tightens in his hair and he goes deeper, as far as he can go without setting off his gag reflex and holds it for a few, blissful seconds.  
  
When he pulls back, his throat feels a little raw, eyes watering. He’s positive he looks absolutely debauched, so he’s not prepared when Sho grabs his arm and yanks him forward, kissing him hard.  
  
Jun doesn’t stop stroking Sho even as they kiss, even when Sho traps his bottom lip between his teeth and tugs, worrying the soft skin. Sho utters his name and he responds with a squeeze to the head of Sho’s cock and by licking Sho’s lips before pushing Sho back down.  
  
“Come,” Jun tells him, stroking him relentlessly, opening his mouth and poking his tongue at the slit. He swallows around the length once more, humming at the musky, tangy taste. “Go ahead,” he prompts. “Come in my mouth.”  
  
Sho’s hand returns, cupping the back of his head and pushing him down, not letting him up even as he gags. Jun loves it. The thought of Sho using him sends his cock twitching, curving up against his stomach and smearing precome all over his abdomen.  
  
When Sho comes, his only warning is a breathless “Jun,” which is accompanied by a firm grip on Jun’s hair. Warmth floods Jun’s mouth and Jun hums as Sho finishes, finally letting him go as he licks his lips.  
  
For a while, none of them spoke. For a while, there are only the sounds of Sho attempting to catch his breath and the rustling of sheets when Jun situates himself beside Sho and waits for his haze to subside.  
  
“I will find a way to get a pair of leather pants, I promise,” Sho whispers.  
  
Jun laughs, dropping a kiss to Sho’s collarbone. “I look forward to it.” He moves to lie on his stomach and faces Sho once more. “What’s your refractory period?”  
  
It’s Sho’s turn to laugh, a deep rumble that makes Jun warm. “I’m old.”  
  
“No you’re not,” Jun assures him. “It’s okay.” He reaches out to brush Sho’s hair off his face, fingers now playing with the strands. “I’m in no rush.”  
  
“If you’re thinking that after that blowjob I don’t want to return the favor, you’re very wrong,” Sho tells him. “Have you seen how you look? There are many things I want to do to you.”  
  
That’s very flattering, especially when someone like Sakurai Sho is the one saying it. “Like a blowjob?” Jun asks because he’s definitely imagined Sho’s plump lips around his cock before.  
  
“Including but not limited to that,” Sho affirms.  
  
Jun smiles, settling for a more comfortable position and humming in approval when he feels Sho slip an arm under his head to hold him close.  
  
“I’ll hold you to that, Sho-san,” he whispers, letting the soothing warmth of having Sho close by lull him to sleep.  
  
Things that are up for debate:

  1. Sakurai Sho’s refractory period,
  2. Sakurai Sho’s insistence that he’s old which renders his performance subpar, and
  3. The fantasies Sakurai Sho has which revolve around Jun, including but not limited to sucking Jun’s cock.



It’s perhaps early morning when Jun stirs, groggily taking note of his surroundings before he blinks the sleepiness away as he feels something tickle his thighs. It takes a few seconds before he looks down, and he finds Sho kneeling between his spread legs, his hand wrapped around Jun’s cock, stroking while his tongue laps up at the head. Jun watches his cock disappear in between those perfect lips, transfixed by the sight.  
  
“Sho-san,” he tries to say, voice thick with sleep when Sho suddenly surges forward to press his fingers against Jun’s mouth, effectively silencing him. How long has Sho been teasing him while he was asleep? He has to be half-hard for a while now, thanks to Sho’s efforts.  
  
“Shh,” Sho says softly, eyes half-lidded. “Let me make you feel good.”  
  
Jun lies there, keeping his legs apart as Sho starts kissing way down, biting at the column of his throat, his collarbones, and his nipples, even the softest, most ticklish part of his belly that sends him gasping, face half-buried on the pillows.  
  
Sho traps one of his nipples between his fingers and pinches, leaving Jun arching and crying out Sho’s name. He feels Sho’s breath against his cock, then feels Sho drop a wet, open-mouthed kiss on the head and braces himself, only for Sho to begin kissing down his thighs, cupping the back of his knee to guide him where Sho wants him.  
  
Feeling exposed, heat climbs steadily from Jun’s neck up to his cheeks. He shakily tells Sho where he keeps the lube and the condoms, and Sho presses a lingering kiss to his hip in response.  
  
Sho looms over him again when he retrieves the items from the nightstand, dropping a quick kiss to Jun’s forehead. Jun is not a morning person, but he wouldn’t mind waking up to this.  
  
“Jun,” Sho says, and he thinks he’ll never get tired of hearing his name from Sho’s mouth, “Jun, I want you.”  
  
Jun wraps his arms around Sho’s neck and goes for a deeper, longer kiss, thoroughly mapping out the contours of Sho’s mouth with his tongue. “I want you too,” he admits, smiling against Sho’s tender lips. “But it’s been a while for me. You might have to take it slow.”  
  
Sho plants a noisy kiss to Jun’s mouth before he resumes his position in between Jun’s legs. He rains kisses all over Jun’s thigh once he has Jun’s leg hooked over his shoulder, his teeth catching onto the soft flesh and making Jun moan.  
  
The finger comes as a shock of cold that presses slowly against Jun, and Jun relaxes under Sho’s coaxing touch, spreading his legs wider and giving Sho more room. Despite Sho’s admission of wanting him, he doesn’t rush. He stretches Jun like he can do it for hours, adding another when Jun begs him for it with a repetitive chorus of “Please, Sho-san. Please.”  
  
He can’t find it in him to care if he sounds desperate, body writhing against the sheets.  
  
At three, Jun’s lips are lifting from the mattress, his spine curving as Sho continues stretching him. He tells Sho he’s ready by whispering Sho’s name, dropping the honorifics and embedding his nails in Sho’s arms.  
  
“Fuck,” he hears Sho say, and the sound of Sakurai Sho cursing because he’s so turned on makes Jun hide a smile behind the back of his hand.  
  
He gasps in surprise when Sho pulls his fingers out, grabbing a pillow to shove it under his hips as Sho tears open a condom and slicks himself with lube before lining up.  
  
The sensation of Sho sliding inside him can’t compare to any fantasy he may have catered before; the real deal is infinitely times better than any imagination his lonely mind could have come up with. Sho groans, breath hot against his cheek as he shifts, sending himself deeper and Jun moaning under him.  
  
“Move,” Jun prompts him, hands finding their place around Sho’s shoulder blades. “Sho-san. Please.”  
  
Sho makes a short, experimental thrust, punching out a hiss from Jun. Jun tilts his head back and wills his body to relax, his thighs now bracketing Sho’s hips. Sho begins increasing his pace, rocking deep into Jun’s body, and pleasure cascades down Jun’s spine in euphoric waves.  
  
Outside, the sun begins to rise, penetrating the darkness of Jun’s room in an orange, ethereal glow that hits the side of Sho’s cheek. Jun blinks, utterly mesmerized by the sight of Sho’s face. He tries to take in as much as he can, but each push Sho makes chases away any remaining thought until all that’s left are his cries for Sho and the feeling of him fucking into Jun’s body.  
  
It’s so good. Jun can’t remember the last time it felt this good. Sho lifts one of his legs and hooks it over his shoulder, and the slightest change in angle hits something in Jun that sets his nerves alight. He shuts his eyes and gives in to the blinding heat, letting the sounds of Sho fucking him drown out everything else.  
  
“Jun,” Sho is saying, mouthing at his neck and leaving marks. “Jun, you feel—”  
  
“Yes,” Jun says, one of his hands moving lower to cup one of Sho’s ass cheeks, squeezing. “Ah, _there_.”  
  
He might have been reduced to sobs when Sho somehow manages to fuck him harder, the bed creaking in response to the force of their movements. Sho nips at his throat, and when Jun husks out his name, Sho wraps a hand around his cock and gives him a firm stroke.  
  
“Jun, let go,” Sho coaxes him, his voice piercing through Jun’s haze. “Let go.”  
  
Sho punctuates that with a deep thrust, and Jun’s vision bursts into white. He feels like he’s floating when he finally comes, his release coating Sho’s hand. Vaguely, he feels Sho pressing into him a few more times before Sho gives a final push accompanied by a groan that he utters against Jun’s ear.  
  
After, it takes him a long while to remember where he is.  
  
They lay there, sticky and spent and sated, sunlight blanketing them in its warmth, Jun’s curtains leaving patterns over Sho’s heated skin that shift with every breath.  
  
He plays with Sho’s hair and drops a kiss to Sho’s temple, chuckling.  
  
“What’s so funny?” Sho asks, peering up at him. The flush that now colored his cheeks only added to his attractiveness.  
  
“Well, I definitely had fantasies of Sakurai Sho fucking me,” he admits.  
  
Sho moves off him and disposes of the condom before settling beside Jun and pressing close, raining kisses all over Jun’s chest, his clavicles, and the curve of his shoulder. When Jun inhales, he smells sweat, sex, and Sho, and he finds that he prefers it that way.  
  
“Still with me wearing leather pants while I had an undercut?” Sho says against his pulse, the syllables sending pleasurable vibrations across the flesh.  
  
“Hm,” Jun says thoughtfully. “They don’t matter anymore. You’re a lot better than anything I had in mind.”  
  
“Thank you for your patronage,” Sho says, and Jun laughs along with him before they share a soft, slow kiss as the world starts to wake up.  
  
“You’re not going to put the poster back up?” Sho asks when they have finally cleaned up and are curled together once more.  
  
In Jun’s opinion, this is the best way to start the weekend.  
  
“No,” Jun says, hiding his smile against the junction where Sho’s jaw meets his neck.  
  
Not when he has the real deal spooning him back to sleep.  
  
That rest of that weekend revolves mostly around making out and having sex, not that Jun’s complaining. It ends on Sunday evening when Jun invites Toma and Shun, saying he has someone he wants them to meet.  
  
(It was Sho who suggested doing it this way which only made Jun fall for him more.)  
  
“This better be worth it,” Toma grumbles when he shows up at Jun’s genkan with Shun in tow. “You made it sound like an emergency. Fuck, you better have someone like Tetsuko-san or Ayase Haruka in there.”  
  
“Close,” Jun tells them, beaming. “Meet my catfish.”  
  
Sho appears from the threshold that leads to the kitchen and the corresponding gasps from Toma and Shun sends Jun laughing.  
  
“What the fuck,” they say at the same time.  
  
“That’s—” Toma starts, then he slaps a hand over his mouth, thank goodness. “No. No fucking way, Matsumoto, you’re shitting me.”  
  
“I am not,” Jun says confidently, smugly.  
  
“Hello. It’s very nice to finally meet you,” Sho greets, extending his hand, and it’s Shun who elbows Toma aside to shake Sho’s hand first.  
  
“Oh wow. Wow, I didn’t think—” Shun says before he clears his throat, “Wow. Nice to meet you, Sakurai-san. I’m Oguri Shun.”  
  
“Hello. Jun has told me so much about you,” Sho says, still with that genial smile that landed him all his CM contracts and the adoration of the Little Cherry Blossoms—Jun included. “And this is Ikuta-san, I presume?”  
  
“Hi, yeah, Ikuta here,” Toma says, shaking Sho’s hand as well. “Fuck, sorry. The only celebrity I met before was Antonio Inoki in Akihabara of all places, so yeah. Shit. I can’t believe this. What the fuck.”  
  
“Stop gaping and come in,” Jun says, examining his cuticles to feign boredom. “You’re embarrassing me.”  
  
“Seriously, he’s the catfish?” Toma asks once he and Shun finally made it in the living room and Sho kindly offers to get the beers and coasters for them. “Holy shit. Your catfish is Sakurai Sho, just like what I said. Jun, you fucking clowned yourself.”  
  
“Stop talking or I will throw you out of my apartment,” Jun threatens. “I’ve done it before.”  
  
“So, um, can I tell Yuu? Yuu uses his face masks. She’s going to flip. Please say I can tell her. Though I take it that we are not allowed to talk about this?” Shun asks.  
  
“Not to the general public, no,” Jun says. “Not a lot of people can know.” He gives Toma a long, pointed stare. “I’m going to revoke your remaining brain cell if you tell this to anyone who is not your wife.”  
  
Toma makes a zipping motion over his lips, bless his heart. He must really need that single brain cell. “I swear on my life, Matsumoto Jun, that I will not tell anyone except for Nana. Have I ever thrown you under the bus? Before you answer, you are wrong because if there is an incoming bus, I will definitely shove you in front of it, not under it.”  
  
“Toma,” Shun says, “shut the fuck up.”  
  
For all their stupidity, Jun knows they are loyal and true, and that they know how important this is to Jun that they won’t do anything to cause harm.  
  
Toma’s eyes glint and he starts smirking when Sho finally rejoins them.  
  
“So,” Toma begins sweetly, deceptively, “if you’re Daddy Cherry, does that make my good friend Jun here Baby Cherry?”  
  
Shun facepalms and Jun sighs.  
  
“Sho-san, forgive me,” Jun tells Sho who’s already laughing, “because I’m about to become a murderer.”  
  
One last thing that Jun is a hundred percent certain of (and will admit someday):

  1. He is still Sakurai Sho’s biggest fan.




	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything in the epilogue is on social media format so all typos and lowercase texts are intentional. Pretend this fic is set in the ideal world where homophobia doesn't exist.
> 
> Warnings for implied stalking and invasion of privacy, though. I've edited the tags to reflect that.

**XVI. The Fandom**  
  
  
  
  
**All** News Images Videos Maps Shopping More  
  
  
  
About 67,250,000 results for ‘sakurai sho’ (0.87 seconds)  
  


  
  
**SAKURAI SHO SPOTTED WITH ALLEGED BOYFRIEND ACCORDING TO SHUKAN BUNSHUN**  
  
Arama!Japan - 5 hours ago  
  
  
_Bunshun is at it again, dropping zoomed out photos of a guy leaving Sakurai Sho’s apartment. If you’re planning to zoom even further to see the guy’s face better, good luck with the pixels.  
  
Anyhow, Bunshun claims that the two met through a mutual friend (Sakurai’s good friend and fellow idol A) and have been together for a year. A few weeks back, Sakurai and his beau were seen at a yakiniku restaurant with idol A. The guy, according to Bunshun, is called M-san and initially had no idea of Sakurai Sho’s status as an idol and a newscaster (maybe he lives under a rock?). M-san is reported to be working at a theater company (an actor?) in Tokyo. They hit it off after meeting in one of idol A’s get-together parties, and Sakurai has been reportedly seen leaving M-san apartment for the past couple of months.  
  
I call bs, btw. What do you guys think?  
  
  
[images attached]_  
  


  
  
**fordream**  
  
eh, i’m not interested in grainy photos from a cheap camera zoomed to full capacity. whatever. any tea on idol A tho? [eyes emoji]  
  
  
  
**kizokutantei**  
  
idol A’s definitely aiba-chan ^^ but what’s saying aiba-chan’s the third wheel? [thinking emoji]  
  
  
  
**Stormfan5ever**  
  
bs, and only because that can’t be sakurai. ass not perky. are there any little cherries around to confirm?

  
\--  
  


  
**Little Cherry Blossoms Co.** @littlecherriesunited  
  
admin mari here, and on behalf of LCBU, we’re not going to post any of the paparazzi photos taken of sho-san. as his fans, we respect his privacy. please do not message us for photos or copies of the bunshun article.  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry said PRIDE** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
I HAVE SEEN THE PHOTOS AND THEY ARE GRAINY AF, THUS NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. THAT SAID, PLEASE GIVE MY DADDY CHERRY FANCAM THE VIEWS IT DESERVES  
  
[video attached]  
  
  
  
**since 2003** @ss_fan_0125  
  
can bunshun just leave sho-san tf alone? they’re just looking for clout and are using him again smh  
  
  
  
**sakurai sho step on me** @whatishappiness  
  
WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. IDK WHAT I EXPECTED FROM A TABLOID BUT SERIOUSLY. [angry emoji x 6]  
  
  
  
**(｀･З･´)♥** @bbqnifeelinggood  
  
nonononooo wtf they stalked him [crying emoji] bunshun leave them the fuck alone  
  


  
  
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**TheShow2020 20.07.25** @__sho_s_125  
  
Theater company? [thinking emoji] Not sure this amounts to anything but remember that Zero when Udo-san asked Sho-san about any movies he saw recently and he replied that he watched a stage play? Maybe… [eyes emoji]  
  
  
  
**Eri.** @sora_takaku  
  
@__sho_s_125 u dont saaaaayyyy  
  
  
  
**TheShow2020 20.07.25** @__sho_s_125  
  
@sora_takaku We can never know for sure. [winking emoji] This is the Zero from months ago.  
  
[video attached]

  
  
\--

**All** News Images Videos Maps Shopping More  
  
  
  
About 68,720,000 results for ‘sakurai sho’ (0.93 seconds)

  
  
**SAKURAI SHO’S BOYFRIEND**  
  
Arama!Japan - 2 hours ago  
  
  
_Bunshun ambushed the alleged boyfriend (M-san) of top idol Sakurai Sho (38) on his way to the train station and asked him a few questions.  
  
Bunshun: Are you dating Sakurai Sho-san?  
M: That’s private. I have nothing to say.  
Bunshun: You’ve been seen around his apartment a couple of times.  
M: Thank you for your hard work.  
Bunshun: What about your relation to Aiba-san?  
M: I’m sorry. I have nothing to say.  
  
[video attached]  
  
Well fellas, I guess we now know. Anyhow, the guy is hot. Wtf._  
  
  
  
  
**supernovanexttothedoor**  
  
ayyyyy that guy is ikemen [eyes emoji x 5] so happy for sho-san!!! that said, can bunshun leave them alone now plz imagine heading outside only for a tabloid reporter to block your way smh [rolling eyes emoji]  
  
  
  
**Stormfan5ever**  
  
guy’s hotness aside, big NO to ambushing people in general just for a scoop [thumbs down emoji]  
  
  
  
**fordream**  
  
hot damn sakurai  
  
(also I agree with you Stormfan, they gotta stop doing stuff like that)  
  


  
  
\--

  
  
  
**daddy cherry said PRIDE** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
im not gonna post photos but can i just say that daddy cherry’s bf is fucking hot? as daddy cherry deserves [fireworks emoji]  
  
  
  
**bellybutton piercing come back** @illgoyoujustwait  
  
Y’ALL WHAT DO WE CALL HIM? i don’t want to clog the guy’s search page and use m/-san like bunshun did. little cherries come thru  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry said PRIDE** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
@illgoyoujustwait idk about y’all but i’m calling him papa cherry from now [cherry emoji]  
  
  
  
**bellybutton piercing come back** @illgoyoujustwait  
  
@cherryshokointhesky OMG YOUR MIND  
  
  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms Co.** @littlecherriesunited  
  
little cherries we understand your excitement but please refrain from looking up any information about sho-san’s partner. we know most of us are starved but let’s give them privacy. thank you.  
  
  
  
**(｀･З･´)♥** @bbqnifeelinggood  
  
seconding @littlecherriesunited, anyone who posts private info about sho-san and/or his partner will be BLOCKED NO QUESTIONS ASKED  
  
  
  
**since 2003** @ss_fan_0125  
  
if anyone on my tl leaks the identity and other info re:sho-san’s bf i will hunt you down do not ruin this for them  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry said PRIDE** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
as a daddy cherry AND papa cherry enthusiast i gotta say this: idc if we’re moots for the longest time I WILL UNFOLLOW AND BLOCK ANYONE IF YOU GO SHERLOCK HOLMES ON THE IDENTITY OF PAPA CHERRY [angry emoji]  
  
  
  
**sakurai sho step on me** @whatishappiness  
  
@cherryshokointhesky we can be thirsty and STILL have manners [nails emoji]  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry said PRIDE** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
@whatishappiness EXACTLY  
  


  
  
\--

  
  
  
**sato takeru fan** @satosan3781  
  
I don’t know if I’m allowed to talk about this but I think I may have seen Sakurai-san and his alleged partner somewhere here in Nishi-Azabu?  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry said PRIDE** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
@satosan3781 not to be me but plz spill i am a bare minimum stan and i accept crumbs  
  
  
  
**sato takeru fan** @satosan3781  
  
@cherryshokointhesky Hello. I think it might be them. Sakurai-san waited for him for fifteen minutes by the bar before they disappeared together into a private room. My husband tells me it’s definitely the guy from Bunshun’s interview that we saw with Sakurai-san.  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry ON A DATE** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
@satosan3781 OMG [crying emoji] THANK YOU SO MUCH  
  
  


  
\--

  
  
  
**bellybutton piercing come back** @illgoyoujustwait  
  
petition to have a ship name because typing daddy cherry and papa cherry takes up a lot of characters rip, can this bird app improve itself next update  
  
  
  
**(｀･З･´)♥** @bbqnifeelinggood  
  
@illgoyoujustwait seconded  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry and papa cherry solidarity** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
@bbqnifeelinggood @illgoyoujustwait how about [sakura emoji] [cherry emoji]?  
  
  
  
**bellybutton piercing come back** @illgoyoujustwait  
  
@cherryshokointhesky @illgoyoujustwait YOU GALAXY BRAIN  
  
  


  
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**sakuraisho ✔**  
  
  
  
[image of a table with shellfish nabe hotpot at the center]  
  
  
  
Liked by **aibamasaki** , **littlecherryblossomsunited** , and **79,542** others  
  
  
**sakuraisho** More than half of #TheShow2020 is complete and I’m celebrating with a steaming pot of shellfish nabe! [seashell emoji] #homecooking #dinnerfortonight #shellfishnabe I’ll do my best for the remaining shows for the next few months!  
  
  
  
  
_View all 378 comments_  
  
  
  
**heyyeah** wait so daddy cherry cooks now? [eyes emoji]  
  
  
  
**littlecherryshoko** not to diss on daddy cherry but bold of you to assume that daddy cherry can make nabe on his own???? papa cherry made that and no one can convince me otherwise  
  
  
  
**beebee64** papa cherry made that for him theRE ARE TWO BOWLS IN THE PHOTO WHAT ARE YOUR EYES FOR IF Y’ALL AINT USING THEM????  
  
  
  
**discostarsama** aiba masaki casually liking a nabe home date post made by a couple he once third-wheeled for talk about king shit!!!!  
  


  
  
\--  
  


  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms International FC** @littlecherryintl  
  
hello little cherries! we’ll be having a giveaway to celebrate the completion of the first half of #TheShow2020. like and RT to win any of the following official merch. (must be following us, sorry!)  
  
[image attached]  
  
  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms International FC** @littlecherryintl  
  
we will ship worldwide! [red heart emoji] winners will be drawn via a randomizer by the end of this month, and please remember to keep your dms enabled. good luck!  
  
  


  
\--  
  


  
  
**Sakurai Sho ✔** @sakuraisho_twt  
  
Party people! I’m hosting an Instagram Live tomorrow at 6 PM JST. Don’t forget to join and leave your questions in the comments! See you there, Little Cherry Blossoms!  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry and papa cherry solidarity** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
@sakuraisho_twt YAS DADDY THANK YOU FOR THE MEAL  
  
  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms Co.** @littlecherriesunited  
  
sho-san announced that he’s going to have an ig live tomorrow at 6pm! please remember to keep the comments respectful and do not mention bunshun or sho-san’s partner. see you tomorrow, little cherries!  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry and papa cherry solidarity** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
@littlecherriesunited i know everyone’s looking at me rn so i promise to keep my comments on ig PG. that said, plz spare a follow, i’m littlecherryshoko there  
  
  
  
**bellybutton piercing come back** @illgoyoujustwait  
  
nobody fucking mention papa cherry during the ig live or i march at dawn  
  
[baby chick holding a knife.jpg]  
  
  
  
**sakurai sho step on me** @whatishappiness  
  
this is sho-san’s first ig live in a long time so keep your comments related to his work. if any of y’all fuck this up he might never do it again. be decent human beings, little cherry blossoms. let’s make daddy cherry proud when he’s finally acknowledged us. let’s not make him regret that.  
  
  
  
**since 2003** @ss_fan_0125  
  
@whatishappiness well said bb

  
  
  
\--

  
  
  
**sakuraisho has started a Live. Tap to join.**  
  
  
  
425,567 are watching now  
  
  
  
littlecherryshoko has joined  
  
gooberincognito has joined  
  
littlecherryblossomsunited has joined  
  
littlecherryblossomsintl has joined  
  
  
  
**gooberincognito**  
sho-san! hello! [red heart emoji x 10]  
  
  
  
namelessname has joined  
  
untiunti has joined  
  
  
  
**littlecherryshoko**  
crying omg he looks so good  
  
  
  
heyyeah has joined  
  
daddycherryblossom has joined  
  
itslikeasupernovanexttothedoor has joined  
  
newseroooo has joined  
  
  
  
**littlecherryblossomsunited**  
sho-san!!!! thank you for hosting this live!!! a question for you: will you release a digital album that has the new songs you performed at the concert?  
  
  
  
krrmt has joined  
  
beebee64 has joined  
  
3pleaxel has joined  
  
  
  
**heyyeah**  
his voice is so soothing im emo i missed him  
  
  
  
pineapplepen has joined  
  
cherrysakurai has joined  
  
  
  
**littlecherryblossomsintl**  
sho-san, hello from your international fans! will the digital releases be available worldwide? please. [bribes with cheesecake]  
  
  
  
tomyhomies has joined  
  
  
  
**newseroooo**  
much love from hokkaido, shosan!!!!  
  
  
  
ssakurai_0125 has joined  
  
tatsuya86 has joined  
  
  
  
**itslikeasupernovanexttothedoor**  
omg he said he’ll release everything once the tour is completed [crying emoji] ganba sho-san!! [flexing emoji]  
  
  
  
fishing3104 has joined  
  
  
  
**namelessname**  
shosan will you release a dvd??? plz i need everything on 1080p [pleading face emoji]  
  
  
  
**tomyhomies**  
sho-san!!! sho-san!!! sho-san!!!! [heart eyes emoji]  
  
  
  
**littlecherryblossomsintl**  
YAY thank you sho-san!! will patiently wait!! please do your best for the remaining tour dates!  
  
  
  
**cherrysakurai**  
sho-san! i was there at budoukan on the first day! you were wonderful!  
  
  
  
**daddycherryblossom**  
OMFG???? Y’ALL  
  
  
  
**beebee64**  
and i oop—  
  
  
  
**littlecherryshoko**  
SDLKJFDSLKDSFJSDLKFSD ODSFDSLKFSDEPOJS;;;;  
  
  
  
**heyyeah**  
ASJFJFSSSJAASFFDSK OMG WAS THAT  
  
  
  
**tomyhomies**  
holy shit  
  
  
  
**ssakurai_0125**  
THE HEARTS ARE NONSTOP AND THE COMMENTS TOO OMG  
  
  
  
**gooberincognito**  
NOBODY MENTION HIS NAME!!! I KNOW WE’RE ALL YELLING BECAUSE FUCK BUT NOBODY MENTION HIM!!! [knife emoji x 7]  
  
  
  
**cherrysakurai**  
OMG WHAT WAS THAT HIM JUST NOW  
  
  
  
**littlecherryshoko**  
sdjklagks papa cherry’s arm did not just sweep into the frame to pull daddy cherry closer and he did not just kiss the top of daddy cherry’s hair did he????? PAPA CHERRY!!!!  
  
  
  
**heyyeah**  
END ME I THINK I HEARD PAPA CHERRY SAY HE’LL MAKE DINNER???? MY DADSSSS  
  
  
  
**cherrysakurai**  
IM ON LVIE HE SAID KDKSSJSFGS RIP  
  
  
  
**daddycherryblossom**  
lmao fuck sho-san whispered “i’m on live” to papa cherry’s direction and he ran out of the frame lmfaoooooo noooo papa cherry come baaaack we don’t mind u kissing ur bf!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
**littlecherryblossomsunited**  
everybody stay calm omg  
  
  
  
**pineapplepen**  
IM ON LIVE DGSJFJFKDSS  
  
  
  
**3pleaxel**  
we been knew that papa cherry is hot  
  
  
  
**pineapplepen**  
wwwwww daddy cherry’s breaking down [SOS emoji] his fACE PLS HELP THAT MAN  
  
  
  
**littlecherryshoko**  
fcukkkk daddy cherry is so red LMAOOOOO it’s okay daddycherry we love youuuuuuuu  
  
  
  
**fishing3104**  
sho-kun……….wwwwwww  
  
  
  
**littlecherryblossomsintl**  
SCREAM  
  
  
  
**newseroooo**  
i came here to have agood time and im honestly feeling so attacked rn  
  
  
  
**beebee64**  
okay but did y’all see papa cherry’s shirt tho [tea emoji]  
  
  
  
**gooberincognito**  
okay guys gals and gays sho-san is trying to move on let’s give him that!!! calm down!!!  
  
  
  
**cherrysakurai**  
noooo sho-san dont apologize!!!! its okay we didnt see anything uwu  
  
  
  
**krrmt**  
I saw it. It was a Cloudy shirt. Looks like one of Sho-san’s.  
  
  
  
**littlecherryshoko**  
IMAGINE DATING DADDY CHERRY IMAGINE GETTING TO KISS DADDYCHERRY PAPA CHERRY IS LIVING THE DREAM FOR ALL OF US EVERYBODY SAY THANK U PAPA CHERRY  
  
  
  
**ssakurai_0125**  
THANK YOU PAPA CHERRY  
  
  
  
**newseroooo**  
THANK UPAPA CHERRY  
  
  
  
**pineapplepen**  
thank you papa [cherry emoji]  
  
  
  
**heyyeah**  
imagine not thanking papa cherry for that gift???? couldn’t be meeeee thank you papa cherry!!!  
  
  
  
**daddycherryblossom**  
this is all so fucking chaotic i love everything that’s happening rn you go daddy cherry  
  
  
  
**3pleaxel**  
#[sakura emoji] [cherry emoji] solidarity  
  
  
  
**itslikeasupernovanexttothedoor**  
WTF DID I MISS Y IS EVERYBODY SCREAMIGN  
  
  
  
**littlecherryshoko**  
[cherry emoji x 6] [rainbow emoji x 5]  
  
  
  
**daddycherryblossom**  
papa cherry has singlehandedly ended every little cherry blossom im wheezing hiS POWER  
  
  
  
**krrmt**  
I think it’s safe to assume he ended Sho-san too.  
  
  
  
**littlecherryshoko**  
STAN DADDY CHERRY AND PAPA CHERRY FOR CLEAR SKIN AMEN  
  
  
  
**untiunti**  
i know shosan is talking about his songwriting rn but “im on live” STILL SENDS FJFKFKDHFGKKS  
  
  
  
**newseroooo**  
#ImOnLive is trending worldwide lol wtf u guysss  
  
  
  
**ssakurai_0125**  
DESERVE  
  
  
  
**pineapplepen**  
DESERVE  
  
  
  
**tatsuya86**  
Do your best aniki!!!  
  
  
  
**littlecherryshoko**  
deSERVEEEEEEEeeee  
  
  
  
**cherrysakurai**  
DESERVE!!!  
  
  
  
**heyyeah**  
FUCKING DESERVE daddy cherry i loveu my dads please be happy  
  
  
  
**namelessname**  
so um dvd???????  
  
  
  
**gooberincognito**  
i hate y’all seriously [crying emoji] but yes thankyou papa cherry  
  


  
  
\--  
  


  
  
**sakurai sho step on me** @whatishappiness  
  
quote from a man kissed during his instagram live:  
  
[blurry screenshot of Sakurai Sho saying, “I’m on live”.jpg]  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry and papa cherry solidarity** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
PAPA CHERRY IF YOURE READINGTHIS PLZ KNOW THAT I LOVEU AND SUPPORT U WITH MY ENTIRE KOKORO #PapaCherryMeltdownOf2020 #ImOnLive  
  
  
  
**since 2003** @ss_fan_0125  
  
that ig live cleared my skin, watered my crops, etc etc  
  
  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms Co.** @littlecherriesunited  
  
little cherries have you guys calmed down? we haven’t! sho-san archived tonight’s live and we’ll be posting a download link as soon as we can. stay tuned little cherries! #ImOnLive  
  
  
  
**I’M ON LIVE - sakurai, 2020** @illgoyoujustwait  
  
@littlecherriesunited skfjfjds you used the hashtag wwwwww thANK YOU FOR MY LIFE  
  
  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms Co.** @littlecherriesunited  
  
and it’s up!! enjoy, little cherries! it’s a good night to be a little cherry blossom [sakura emoji]. #ImOnLive  
  
  
  
**since 2003** @ss_fan_0125  
  
@littlecherriesunited AGREE  
  
  
  
**(｀･З･´)♥ﾉﾉ｀∀´ﾙ** @bbqnifeelinggood  
  
now accepting donations in case sho-san releases an album next, it never hurts to be prepared  
  
[robin hood asking for alms.gif]  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry and papa cherry solidarity** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
@bbqnifeelinggood you weren’t ready when papa cherry kissed daddy cherry’s hair [sakura emoji] [cherry emoji]  
  
  
  
**(｀･З･´)♥ﾉﾉ｀∀´ﾙ** @bbqnifeelinggood  
  
@cherryshokointhesky pls i just came back from being d-worded by the live dont do this to me  
  
[screaming bird.gif]  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry and papa cherry solidarity** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
@bbqnifeelinggood I SEE YOUR DISPLAY NAME AND I AGREE THAT OUR DADS INVENTED LOVE  
  
  
  
**Little Cherry Blossoms International FC** @littlecherryintl  
  
our team will be subbing the latest ig live. please check our dw for the full clip after a couple of hours! in the meantime, here’s a teaser. [winking emoji] #ImOnLive  
  
[video attached]  
  


  
  
\--  
  


  
  
**sakurai sho step on me** @whatishappiness  
  
since the #PapaCherryMeltdownOf2020 sho-san has been quiet huh [thinking emoji] oomfs what do you think he has in store for us?? definitely sus hmmm  
  
  
  
**daddy cherry and papa cherry solidarity** @cherryshokointhesky  
  
@whatishappiness PSPSPSPSPSPS ANAN 2020  
  
  
  
**sakurai sho step on me** @whatishappiness  
  
@cherryshokointhesky FCUK  
  
[elmo on fire.gif]

  
  


  
\--  
  
  


  
**Sakurai Sho ✔** @sakuraisho_twt  
  
This one’s for you.  
  
_Kono Mama Motto — Sakurai Sho_  
open.spotify.com

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Several references that I'm sure y'all have caught but I feel like mentioning anyway (incomplete list ofc, I have a shitty memory):
> 
> \- Godfather Sho is from Sho's diary in Voyage  
> \- the T.A.B.O.O and sugar and salt lyrics are based on yarukizero's translations  
> \- the "paralegal drama" is ofc Tokujo Kabachi  
> \- the Narratage reference re: a student-teacher relationship  
> \- the 50-year-old sakura bonsai Jun purchased on Yakai  
> \- Nino's garden  
> \- the Nishi-Azabu SJ mokugeki of 2016  
> \- Sho watching Aa Kouya in Saitama on a Monday when he had Zero so he had to rush back to Tokyo to make it on time :D (if you thought I made that up, trust me, I'm not that imaginative). This happened in 2011.  
> \- The Papa Cherry look is actually based on this [look from the tenth episode of Voyage](https://twitter.com/sunbladess/status/1280691267047837696?s=20)  
> \- Sacchan was based on the nickname Nino gave to Sho during that old VSA (2010) in which everyone called Jun Macchan. Macchan and Sacchan, according to Nino :D
> 
> The Little Cherry Blossoms fandom is purely my brainchild and I've been calling this "little cherry Jun AU" when I talked about it to certain friends. To said friends, thank you. We all know I'd gladly become a Little Cherry for Sakurai Sho.
> 
> Many thanks to the people on Twitter who replied re: my questions about Tinder and LINE because these are apps that I never used. I had to delve into Tinder's FAQ section and those kind people on Twitter quickly filled me in on stuff Tinder and LINE FAQs couldn't answer. This fic wouldn't be here without them.
> 
> Credit where it's due: the Instagram post re: the nabe date is the brainchild of Twitter user kanaribroken. Many thanks for that; it allowed me to create a world in which Aiba has his own ig account. Just imagine his posts?
> 
> Little Cherry Jun's theme song in my head is unapologetically Cherry Lips by Garbage.
> 
> Lastly, thank you to all who read this fic—including anons and lurkers—y'all are awesome. Thank you for indulging me and Little Cherry Jun, who I heavily based on how tennen Jun can be sometimes. Writing this was truly a fun experience for me and I hope it was at least a bit enjoyable for y'all.


End file.
